walkingecho

I fell off again. It's been a long few days. I'm feeling really pathetic.

Nonsensical

Welcome back. I've had more than my fair share of faceplants. I remember that pathetic feeling. Don't wallow in it. Use it to build resolve.

What did you learn?

walkingecho

That I'm afraid. That I let fear rule my life. That I have never appropriately dealt with several losses and they have been the driving force behind my depression. That I'm a good writer, and a bad editor. That I'm only human.

walkingecho

Thank you for the response, by the way.

Nonsensical

What's the plan to become the human you want to be?

walkingecho

I don't really have one.

Soberwolf

Try this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

Good luck

You could go to meetings aswell it will help

instant

Groan and refresh. Beating yourself up is part of the toxic cycle- it's the inverse of the assuredness that precedes drinking.

Have another go- took me years but now I am over three years sober

Nonsensical

The good news is that makes determining your next positive step very easy. Start working on a travel plan. You're going to make a journey from who you are today to who you want to be in the future. Map out your waypoints, the obstacles, and how you'll overcome them - then get started.

If you don't know, start reading. There's helpful suggestions posted all over the SR forums and plenty of books on the topic, too.

You can do this.

JT0626

Walkingecho,

To be honest, when I first got on this site I didn't know about plans. I really didn't have a plan, all I knew is that I wanted to quit. To be honest, I still don't technically have a plan per se....all I know is that I don't want to drink. When I came to terms with my addictive personality & concluded that I have no room for alcohol in my life ever.....that's all I needed to know!! However, my addictive personality can manifest itself in various ways...so now I am turning unhealthy habits to healthy ones (eating right, exercising, drinking lots of water)!

Alwyshope12

WalkingEcho, I found that during the early days of sobriety, my depression and anxiety was very difficult to deal with. It was almost as bad as when I was drinking, except that it eventually became less and less powerful as I got more time away from it.

No doubt there is work to do if you are dealing with loss and anything else that is going on in your life. Personally, no mater how much work I did, I was stuck in a circular loop always trying to solve my "issues", when it was the alcohol that kept me in that circular thinking.

Becoming sober helped me to move forward for the first time in my life.

I wish you the best of luck!

PS. there is NO resonate feel pathetic. As long as you are honestly trying to become sober you will continue to learn and get there. We all stumble.

Nonsensical

Technically, I'd call that a plan, JT.

JT0626

Oh, well, cool then!!!!

Plure

Don't be too hard on yourself walkingecho...sobriety is definitely a process and just because you stumble doesn't mean you will be forever hitting the "reset" button. You are probably learning a lot when you have setbacks so let that learning opportunity guide you in the future.

Personally my anxiety is pretty bad at certain times of the day and I've been tempted to drink a glass or three of wine myself.

Dee74

Welcome back walkingecho

If you've identified some unresolved issues then I really urge you to stay work on resolving them.

If you're like me tho you had unresolved issues but your method of dealing with those issues has left you an alcoholic. Both are equally important to address.

Do you have much recovery support outside SR?

D

PurpleKnight

For me it was all about support, are you getting enough?

The problem was my mind wanted to drink, and so alone in isolation it would sell me all the reasons successfully as to why I should drink, instead I needed something outside of myself to short circuit my own thought processes!!

Tweak your plan, do something different, and go at things again!!

You can do this!!

Nuudawn

I found that "no plan" for well...anything really was a huge part of my alcoholic haze. I have lived my life by the seat of my pants... with very little deliberate intention. I have just bumbled along scrambling for basic necessities with very little picking and choosing and planning and preparing.

We all need intentions. We all need a vision of what we want our lives to be. How do we get anywhere if we don't know where we're going?

walkingecho

I wanted to thank everyone for their responses. I am feeling more encouraged so I'm just going to dust myself off and play again.