What Do You Do When Your Sponsor Relapses?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
What Do You Do When Your Sponsor Relapses?
I have the best sponsor ever. It took me years to find the right one. She is wonderful. She gave me so much experience, strength and hope that I am now 22months sober. Twenty two months today. On the 22nd. And 22 is my favorite number! But I digress...
I found out this wonderful sponsor who along the way became my wonderful friend, has started to drink again. My heart is sick for her. I am holding out hope she will snap out of it fast.
But my heart is also sick because I have grown accustomed to her unwavering support and her friendship. Because I have become very fond of her, she's like a sister to me now. I know my sobriety is my responsibility alone, not hers. But I selfishly want my friend and sponsor. I'm in my home state for the holidays right now, and I've relapsed here several times. Last year was the first time I stayed sober the whole trip. I feel a bit like the rug has been pulled out from under me
(Selfish, I know..).
I'm gonna stay sober because it's the right thing for me. I'm gonna pray for my friend. I'm going to help others if the opportunity arises. I'm going to take the help that's been offered to me. Did I mention I'm going to pray for my friend??
Thanks for letting me get the stream of consciousness out...
I found out this wonderful sponsor who along the way became my wonderful friend, has started to drink again. My heart is sick for her. I am holding out hope she will snap out of it fast.
But my heart is also sick because I have grown accustomed to her unwavering support and her friendship. Because I have become very fond of her, she's like a sister to me now. I know my sobriety is my responsibility alone, not hers. But I selfishly want my friend and sponsor. I'm in my home state for the holidays right now, and I've relapsed here several times. Last year was the first time I stayed sober the whole trip. I feel a bit like the rug has been pulled out from under me
(Selfish, I know..).
I'm gonna stay sober because it's the right thing for me. I'm gonna pray for my friend. I'm going to help others if the opportunity arises. I'm going to take the help that's been offered to me. Did I mention I'm going to pray for my friend??
Thanks for letting me get the stream of consciousness out...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northern Australia
Posts: 197
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she pulls herself out of it soon for both of you; maybe this is an opportunity for you to repay the favour. Not sponsorship maybe, but you can be there for her?
I just shared this with my November peeps, but will repost here.
Compassion exercise
Honesty with yourself leads to compassion for others.
Objective: To increase the amount of compassion in the world.
Expected Result: A personal sense of peace.
Instructions
This exercise can be done anywhere that people congregate (airports, malls, parks, beaches, etc.). It should be done on strangers, unobtrusively, from some distance. Try to do all five steps on the same person.
Step 1 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness for his/her life.”
Step 2 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
Step 3 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness, and despair.”
Step 4 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fulfill his/her needs.”
Step 5 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”
Variation:
1. To be done by couples and family members to increase understanding of each other.
2. To be done on old enemies and antagonists still present in your memories.
3. To be done on other life forms.
I just shared this with my November peeps, but will repost here.
Compassion exercise
Honesty with yourself leads to compassion for others.
Objective: To increase the amount of compassion in the world.
Expected Result: A personal sense of peace.
Instructions
This exercise can be done anywhere that people congregate (airports, malls, parks, beaches, etc.). It should be done on strangers, unobtrusively, from some distance. Try to do all five steps on the same person.
Step 1 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness for his/her life.”
Step 2 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
Step 3 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness, and despair.”
Step 4 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fulfill his/her needs.”
Step 5 With attention on the person, repeat to yourself: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”
Variation:
1. To be done by couples and family members to increase understanding of each other.
2. To be done on old enemies and antagonists still present in your memories.
3. To be done on other life forms.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
That's it! Pray for your friend - now, they need you more than ever. Good for you to recognize it.
A sponsor doesn't keep us sober or make us drink. We do that.
The friendship is important for sure but ultimately it's our choice as you already know.
22 months is amazing! Jealousy guard it, stay sober and go to some meetings in your home state and share!
Kind Regards,
FlyN
A sponsor doesn't keep us sober or make us drink. We do that.
The friendship is important for sure but ultimately it's our choice as you already know.
22 months is amazing! Jealousy guard it, stay sober and go to some meetings in your home state and share!
Kind Regards,
FlyN
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Oh my dear friend. Please believe that I truly believe in the program, in the steps, and everything it brings. I have grown and flourished so much in the past few years, and as part of my recovery I found you. You have been such a delight to work with and to become friends with. As far as I am concerned we are no longer sponsor/sponsee, we help each other through the tough times. Friends forever.
My relapse is nothing to do with you, my sponsor or the program. It is me, and the depression that has become so hard to see beyond. It was like trying to walk through treacle. My sponsor has walked away, but I've spent the evening talking to another old timer.
Starting tomorrow, I'm back on track. I have reverted to old ingrained habits that I want no part of.
Wehav, I'm sorry to let you down tonight, but I'm always there for you my friend. Always. If you want another sponsor, I would totally understand.,but friends forever ok? Xx
My relapse is nothing to do with you, my sponsor or the program. It is me, and the depression that has become so hard to see beyond. It was like trying to walk through treacle. My sponsor has walked away, but I've spent the evening talking to another old timer.
Starting tomorrow, I'm back on track. I have reverted to old ingrained habits that I want no part of.
Wehav, I'm sorry to let you down tonight, but I'm always there for you my friend. Always. If you want another sponsor, I would totally understand.,but friends forever ok? Xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
I will never walk away from you, Jeni26!!
You haven't let me down, it's such a relief to see you here. Let us give you strength until you have your own. I tried, but sometimes we need more right? So take it. Lots of people care about you here.
Thank you so much for the care, everybody.
You haven't let me down, it's such a relief to see you here. Let us give you strength until you have your own. I tried, but sometimes we need more right? So take it. Lots of people care about you here.
Thank you so much for the care, everybody.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Wehav2day, 22 months is just so FANTASTIC, congratulations. Yes indeed Jeni, lots of people care about you here. Please don't be discouraged that your AA sponsor has walked away from you and I doubt anyone here will do it. Rootin for everyone. 
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Originally Posted by TopEndChick 
I got a sponsor recently, first time. He likes to say to me 'Don't panic'. I listen.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I’m sorry for your hard hitting experience.
First you can show her that she gave you good guidance by NOT drinking yourself, after all this is the bottom line with recovery. You can now be a support for her in her dark days, this is the way the fellowship works, it can also be a remember when for both of you.
I don’t see any reason you can’t continue to be close friends unless it becomes toxic. Try to remember drinking is natural to alcoholics so perhaps you can continue going to meetings together. The good advice she gave you is still there it’s the application that sometimes messes us up.
STAND STRONG AND BE WELL
I’m sorry for your hard hitting experience.
First you can show her that she gave you good guidance by NOT drinking yourself, after all this is the bottom line with recovery. You can now be a support for her in her dark days, this is the way the fellowship works, it can also be a remember when for both of you.
I don’t see any reason you can’t continue to be close friends unless it becomes toxic. Try to remember drinking is natural to alcoholics so perhaps you can continue going to meetings together. The good advice she gave you is still there it’s the application that sometimes messes us up.
STAND STRONG AND BE WELL
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