Stupid Christmas...
 

Perhaps it's the holidays. I really have no idea. Suddenly...I just want to throw in the towel.
I want to smoke ...
I want to drink ...

I'm tired of this process.

I really hate Christmas.

Christmas can be a really frustrating time.....

I remember when I was really struggling with it one year. The little girl across the street asked me where my lights were and I gruffly said something like "BAH HUMBUG".

Then I saw the stricken look in her eyes as she said "But, Mister....you HAVE to have Christmas lights.... it's.... CHRISTMAS".

That little girl touched my heart and gave me back a reconnection to my Christmas spirit. As recently as an hour ago I was kind of loathing Christmas too, as i panic-shopped and dealt with traffic and felt stressed and overwhelmed and as I dealt with some family crap already starting to emerge....

But then I can back off and take a breath and realize that I DO love the Christmas lights. I DO love the excitement my kids have and the fact that they wake up and put on their elf hats and get thrilled about their Elves on the shelf and I can be grateful to see the part about people thinking about gratitude and kindness....

It's my choice, really, whether Christmas sucks.

When I choose that it sucks, I've found that it definitely sucks a lot more than when I choose that Christmas has some magic to it.

hang in there Nuu..... don't drink, don't smoke....

Thanks FreeO....wish I had some kids...or a partner...

Ya see...Christmas seems to be the time where one can REALLY convince themselves that those things are necessary for happiness...

It so effin' easy to throw a pity party during the holidays...

I have no time to afford myself pity it will destroy you if you let it what can you do to get out this funk

meetings ?

Volenteer ?

Stick close to SR if you feel this way Nu

i hope you feel better soon

Nuudawn,
think you should allow yourself to experience those emotions if that's how your feeling now. Certainly doesn't mean you need to jeopardize your sobriety.
'I feel lousy, so what'.
Be gentle with yourself

You don't have to like Christmas, Nuu, but please continue to love, respect and appreciate Nuu. The holidays will soon be over.

Your presence here is a gift to SR. Thank you.

Thank you Tums... I needed that.

It's the "addict" in me who is wanting to change the way I feel...
It's the "addict" who doesn't want to tolerate these emotions..

Thank you... you are exactly right. I need to allow myself the grace..to feel.

Hey girl :)

Not necessary. I guess it's just something about why traditions evolved in human history in general.

Maybe my memory is wrong but... don't you live with your sister, who is also in recovery? If so, couldn't you guys do something cool together at Christmas?

Nuu.... this would be a fantastic time to just practice acceptance. Tums has a great point!

It's OK to feel glum. That's human!! It's also something to be grateful for. Believe it or not.... we can actually be THANKFUL for being sad. Or frustrated. Or even angry.

You might want to pick up a booked called Start Where You Are.... Pema Chodron. I'm reading it now and it's been really helpful in working with acceptance and allowing myself simply to experience my emotions - 'good' or 'bad'.

There is both 'good' and 'bad' with a partner, or with children. Christmas can engender lousy feelings even with those - TRUST ME!!!! :)

You can allow yourself those feelings, and you can also go for a walk and look at Christmas lights.... you can look for people smiling.... you can summon a smile or a kind word yourself and you can witness the simple magic of that smile or kind word to make you feel a piece of positivity even in your glumness.

Christmas is just another day to get through .

Today is just another day to get through .

No need to rush in and throw away your hard won sober time … the drink will still be there in one months time … in two and you ono exactly what it will be like and where it will led …
You don't know what being sober for another 3 weeks , 6 weeks or 9 will be like ..

I like the odds of something better happening if i stay sober .. I stay sober ..

hope you do too Nu .

m

..

Christmas is a time of reflection and getting ready for the promised renewal of the coming new year. Ignore all the materialism and sappy movies that tell you that you need a partner and/or kids. Enjoy the lights and color and know it will only be 24 hours and then it's the 26th! Another day, another (Nuu)dawn to be thankful for for your health and sobriety. Hang in there GF!

Yeppers. This ^^ all the way.

Feel those feelings for as long as you need to. Sometimes it's our job to just sit in the poop of life & eat cookies. Only after sitting can you get up & move on thru.

I need ya here, Nu. You ARE a gift to me & my sobriety.

Xoxo, Sweetie Darling.

I was intending to do Christmas alone (well, with the pup), but a crisis sent my adult daughter to Alaska to heal (emotionally and physically) in my quiet little house in my quiet little forest.

It was completely unexpected and generated a whole whirlwind of "stuff"; I've lived mostly alone these last five years, and am now sharing my small space for an indefinite period with a being whom I love deeply but have had some challenges with in the past (because mothers and daughters have challenges...).

What is wonderful is that we are both new to each other; I've visited her a number of times over these last years, but it's just a glimpse here and there, whereas this is a 24/7 situation - the kind where you talk late into the night and really experience each other.

Her blow-out had to do with alcohol, so I'm having the extraordinary gift of being available to support her in early sobriety. I'm able to take her to meetings and introduce her to others who can connect with her and support her in different ways. I don't know if she'll choose a forever abstinence, or will just heal and recover and make some healthy changes in her lifestyle, but whatever she does will be a growing.

So, my alone holiday just became something entirely different. I'm excited to be with her, but have actually come to love the alone Christmas in these last few years, so have a teeny sense of loss. I love the quiet, the snow falling, doing yoga in the cozy house while snow whirls outside, buying myself presents, eating yummy food, chanting and praying. It has become increasingly special as I develop new rituals that are meaningful to me.

I was sober last Christmas also.

My only advice would be to create the day for yourself.
As humans, we need ritual in our lives. We need the opportunity to look forward to things, to have markers of cycles.
One of the reasons that holidays with family have so much meaning IS because of the layers of family ritual, developed over time.

The universe sends us people as we are ready to receive them. I feel like my daughter came to me right now because I was ready to deal with some of our old issues now, and wasn't before.

So - we just need to remember that people appear in our lives when they should, and that honoring this season and these days held up as "special" can take all sort of artistic and personal forms.

There's a prayer that has helped me through so much -

God, thank you for all you have given me. God, thank you for all you have not given me. God, thank you for all you have taken away.

That's how I feel about this Christmas...

"Sometimes it's our job to just sit in the poop of life & eat cookies."

HeartsAFire - this is my new mantra. Thank you. It is so, so true, and such a relief!!

I hate Christmas too Nuudawn but I hope you decide to stay sober. Sending strength your way.

Couple Hearts here...just touched mine...deeply. Thank you.

There's nothing like some volunteer work to remind you what Christmas is really all about Nuu...and it gets you out of your own head for a while :)

D

Nuu I'm not a big fan of Christmas, there will be lots of us here over the next few days, stick around for some sober fun without the hype.

Hey Nu

Yes, I agree with Mech. Christmas is another day for us to enjoy as a day and nothing more. Try to see through all the hypocrisy of goodwill and cheer enthusiastically expressed by those folks who only practice such for 2 weeks of the year. ;)