Stupid Christmas...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I'm with the others that see it as just another sober day...
Except... A green card to eat whatever we want!
Lastly Surviving the holidays sober creates a great foundation to kickstart 2015 on the right foot. As I said in the weekend thread, I will climb my Christmas tree if I have to, but god as my witness I will not drink!
Stay strong Nuu, no surrender no mercy ;-)
Except... A green card to eat whatever we want!
Lastly Surviving the holidays sober creates a great foundation to kickstart 2015 on the right foot. As I said in the weekend thread, I will climb my Christmas tree if I have to, but god as my witness I will not drink!
Stay strong Nuu, no surrender no mercy ;-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
If I'm being honest I hate Xmas too!!
This year my sister got married and she lives in England, so my mum is going over to spend Xmas with her and husband, I'm staying in Ireland as I only have a few days off work so travelling isn't viable, the end result being I'll be alone for most of it, my dad died a few years back so that's another option off the table, I will spend the morning time visiting aunts/uncles, the rest of the time it'll be just me.
But here's the thing Nu, I don't want to wake up New Year's day after a week long binge, having achieved nothing but a hangover and a hole in my wallet, having to start all over again and pull myself up off the floor, instead I'd rather look back proud and out of nothing more than sheer stubbornness stick a middle finger up to Xmas and know it didn't grind me down and win.
For me I'm loading up on the treats, got a few recipe ideas I want to try out, a few movie marathons and generally will be making the best of it!!
Hang in there!!
This year my sister got married and she lives in England, so my mum is going over to spend Xmas with her and husband, I'm staying in Ireland as I only have a few days off work so travelling isn't viable, the end result being I'll be alone for most of it, my dad died a few years back so that's another option off the table, I will spend the morning time visiting aunts/uncles, the rest of the time it'll be just me.
But here's the thing Nu, I don't want to wake up New Year's day after a week long binge, having achieved nothing but a hangover and a hole in my wallet, having to start all over again and pull myself up off the floor, instead I'd rather look back proud and out of nothing more than sheer stubbornness stick a middle finger up to Xmas and know it didn't grind me down and win.
For me I'm loading up on the treats, got a few recipe ideas I want to try out, a few movie marathons and generally will be making the best of it!!
Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: England
Posts: 405
I find so many excuses for myselff to drink there will never be a reason of course. Xmas is a biggy.
I was only buying my potatoes earlier in the local supermarket but felt at the same time I was being hypnotysed by the wham-glam Christmas playlist being pumped out on repeat. Glitter and tinsel, like I should feel as good as they are at shining? Not fooled by false gold though. I'll go with Dee's shout.
I've been looking at some volunteer stuff too.
I was only buying my potatoes earlier in the local supermarket but felt at the same time I was being hypnotysed by the wham-glam Christmas playlist being pumped out on repeat. Glitter and tinsel, like I should feel as good as they are at shining? Not fooled by false gold though. I'll go with Dee's shout.
I've been looking at some volunteer stuff too.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I'm not a happy fat camper right now either. I'm on a flight with God awful turbulence, with a mother who is completely helpless, a daughter who I've been pasting back together all day because she just got "deferred" aka DECLINED from her dream college on her 18 th birthday today, (sad face) and a husband who, let's just say, has a VERY strained relationship with his mother in law and will most likely spend the next 9 days giving me the side eye of just how much I owe him for putting up with her.
I would like nothing more than to trade you for some peace, quiet, and drama free moments.
Grass ain't any greener over here buddy.
Oh - and my outlaws will be down in a couple days. I will be cooking, and cleaning and acquiescing to everyone's demands as their handmaiden.
this ain't no picnic.
XO AO
I would like nothing more than to trade you for some peace, quiet, and drama free moments.
Grass ain't any greener over here buddy.
Oh - and my outlaws will be down in a couple days. I will be cooking, and cleaning and acquiescing to everyone's demands as their handmaiden.
this ain't no picnic.
XO AO
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Costa Mesa, CA
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by Nuudawn 
Thanks FreeO....wish I had some kids...or a partner...
Ya see...Christmas seems to be the time where one can REALLY convince themselves that those things are necessary for happiness...
It so effin' easy to throw a pity party during the holidays...
Ya see...Christmas seems to be the time where one can REALLY convince themselves that those things are necessary for happiness...
It so effin' easy to throw a pity party during the holidays...
I got down on myself for everything...not having a partner or kids, being low on money, I even called myself an old hag and scolded God for what I perceived to be a "throwaway" year. Am happy to say I snapped out of it...and drinking is out of the question.Please Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Sorry for the big block of text, Nuu, but I know you love Anne Lamott and I saw this today from her. Thought it might help. Love ya, hang in there <3
Anne Lamott:
I used to hear in early sobriety that if you had an idea after 10:00 pm, it was probably a bad idea.
I think the same is true about any ideas you may have in the next few days.
Everyone is very crazy. Some of us are better at covering this up than others. Some people will say how cheerful they feel and how much they love the holidays; but these are very angry people. Try not to be alone with them for any length of time.
Three people I love have called this weekend with these intensely expressed decisions that they felt had to be made as soon as possible, at least by Monday. They are without exception highly intelligent and self-aware, really on to themselves, yet without exception, their ideas would have caused damage to their careers, marriages, children, serenity, and in one case, their dog.
I listened, and said the great chemo-therapeutic words, "Me too."
Then I made a subtle kind of hmmm sound, vaguely amused at how we comical we become under stress; delusional, and mad.
The people all grew quiet under the strain of this sound.
I told them about my own experience the day before, when I had woken up early with a number of Excellent Ideas, which had me convinced, before coffee, that I needed to break off contact with a couple of people, correct the misperceptions of another, buy a new car, and either do the Paleo diet, or go on a horrific bender at IHOP.
And--the tiny tiny tip-off that I was cuckoo in the cabeza--that they were things that all needed to be as soon as possible. Today, in fact.
But an amazing thing happened. On the way to the kitchen for coffee, I was stopped. It didn't feel like I stopped myself. God only knows, my default response this side of eternity is going to be to try and mood-alter my way out of feeling uncomfortable and wired.
It's as if I have a combo patient-controlled anaesthesia pump/espresso machine around my mental wrist, to jazz up, or chill.
CHARGE! Full speed ahead! Invite or try to impress too many people, do too many things. Starve or over-eat. And worry. My friend Marshall, who was very Jewish, said his family prayed a Native American war chant at breakfast every morning: WORRY worry worry worry worry WORRY worry worry. It was survival.
But yesterday this thing inside stopped me. Stopping is where all creation begins for me as an artist. So I stopped. I went back to bed. It was 6:45 a.m. I sat up, hugging my knees to my chest. Then I wrote down all my Good Ideas, of how to correct or impress or punish people, and I gave them all to God. I said, "Here. Knock Yourself out." And She did. Next, I said three formal prayers I happen to love, including the St. Francis Prayer. I googled the famous Thomas Merton prayer and read it out loud, and emailed it to a few people. I meditated, like a meth-head squirrel, to one of the free guided meditations at audiodharma.com. And I got so happy, because i was back.
The princess was BACK, hilarious nutty sweet old me. I had found me in the maelstrom. I knew that all day I was going to do loving things, and that would help me have loving feelings.out. I remembered an older friend who kept backing up into things, who posted a note on his dashboard that said, Slowly, and Majestically; i wrote s.a.m on my wrist. I pulled on some baggy pants, in case I accidentally ate a few more cookies than might be ideal. THEN, and only then, I got up, and went to the kitchen, where I put the coffee on, and did the sacrament of putter while it brewed.
I told all three friends, and thought I would tell you all, too.
Anne Lamott:
I used to hear in early sobriety that if you had an idea after 10:00 pm, it was probably a bad idea.
I think the same is true about any ideas you may have in the next few days.
Everyone is very crazy. Some of us are better at covering this up than others. Some people will say how cheerful they feel and how much they love the holidays; but these are very angry people. Try not to be alone with them for any length of time.
Three people I love have called this weekend with these intensely expressed decisions that they felt had to be made as soon as possible, at least by Monday. They are without exception highly intelligent and self-aware, really on to themselves, yet without exception, their ideas would have caused damage to their careers, marriages, children, serenity, and in one case, their dog.
I listened, and said the great chemo-therapeutic words, "Me too."
Then I made a subtle kind of hmmm sound, vaguely amused at how we comical we become under stress; delusional, and mad.
The people all grew quiet under the strain of this sound.
I told them about my own experience the day before, when I had woken up early with a number of Excellent Ideas, which had me convinced, before coffee, that I needed to break off contact with a couple of people, correct the misperceptions of another, buy a new car, and either do the Paleo diet, or go on a horrific bender at IHOP.
And--the tiny tiny tip-off that I was cuckoo in the cabeza--that they were things that all needed to be as soon as possible. Today, in fact.
But an amazing thing happened. On the way to the kitchen for coffee, I was stopped. It didn't feel like I stopped myself. God only knows, my default response this side of eternity is going to be to try and mood-alter my way out of feeling uncomfortable and wired.
It's as if I have a combo patient-controlled anaesthesia pump/espresso machine around my mental wrist, to jazz up, or chill.
CHARGE! Full speed ahead! Invite or try to impress too many people, do too many things. Starve or over-eat. And worry. My friend Marshall, who was very Jewish, said his family prayed a Native American war chant at breakfast every morning: WORRY worry worry worry worry WORRY worry worry. It was survival.
But yesterday this thing inside stopped me. Stopping is where all creation begins for me as an artist. So I stopped. I went back to bed. It was 6:45 a.m. I sat up, hugging my knees to my chest. Then I wrote down all my Good Ideas, of how to correct or impress or punish people, and I gave them all to God. I said, "Here. Knock Yourself out." And She did. Next, I said three formal prayers I happen to love, including the St. Francis Prayer. I googled the famous Thomas Merton prayer and read it out loud, and emailed it to a few people. I meditated, like a meth-head squirrel, to one of the free guided meditations at audiodharma.com. And I got so happy, because i was back.
The princess was BACK, hilarious nutty sweet old me. I had found me in the maelstrom. I knew that all day I was going to do loving things, and that would help me have loving feelings.out. I remembered an older friend who kept backing up into things, who posted a note on his dashboard that said, Slowly, and Majestically; i wrote s.a.m on my wrist. I pulled on some baggy pants, in case I accidentally ate a few more cookies than might be ideal. THEN, and only then, I got up, and went to the kitchen, where I put the coffee on, and did the sacrament of putter while it brewed.
I told all three friends, and thought I would tell you all, too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
wish I had some kids...or a partner...
Ya see...Christmas seems to be the time where one can REALLY convince themselves that those things are necessary for happiness...
Ya see...Christmas seems to be the time where one can REALLY convince themselves that those things are necessary for happiness...
And I'm dreading the Holidays anyway. I am 100% on survival mode until January when I can take down the tree and the dumb decorations.I don't think it's about what we have or what we don't have during this month.
I think some years we just don't feel Christmasy, for whatever reason we just can't get into the Ho Ho Ho! and the Joy to the World...And it's ok
You have been through a lot this year Nuudawn. You have accomplished a lot, and you failed a lot too. That's the beauty of life. But you are still here. You are not giving up. You keep fighting your addictions and you are inspiring a lot of people! Why the pity party?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
I feel ya Nuudawn. It's been a reminder that I dont have someone special to buy gifts for but it is motivation to continue getting my life together so one day I will. I hope you start feeling better! It will be over with and 2015 before we know it.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
All the HYPE...
The "shoulds".
My counsellor told me to delete the word should from my mental dictionary.
There are no "shoulds", ok ?
You're fine the way you are. You're in the place you need to be.
The "shoulds".
My counsellor told me to delete the word should from my mental dictionary.
There are no "shoulds", ok ?
You're fine the way you are. You're in the place you need to be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
Now could be a perfect time for a permanent change. Having a sober new year for starters would definately make following sobriety easier into 2015. Like a new year's resolution. To make 2015 a better year.
Many folks dislike christmas for its sometimes hectic consumer-holiday-drama. I'm spending a quiet christmas at home. No drama needed.
Many folks dislike christmas for its sometimes hectic consumer-holiday-drama. I'm spending a quiet christmas at home. No drama needed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: NYC
Posts: 301
Nuu, I hope your feeling better today. I'm not a fan of this season either. I'll be alone on Christmas day. My kids will be with their father, usually a time I would spend feeling angry and with many bottles of drink. I've got my Amazon watch list all qued, up and going to fix myself a nice fancy grilled chicken, cranberry salad. I have to work the next day, so I'm treating the day as a Sunday.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
It's clear we all have our personal holiday dramas... Who does enjoy these so-called festivities? I won't even be able to get online or post much because my sister still follows me around like the little sis she used to be and wants to know what I'm doing, what I'm reading what's it about, who I'm talking to... Ok there's a little of my drama for the next three days!
As alpha said, the grass is always greener. Balance is hard to come by this week.
Love the Annie Lamott post.
As alpha said, the grass is always greener. Balance is hard to come by this week.
Love the Annie Lamott post.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 380
When I think back to holidays stoned they were some of the loneliest times for me even though I was surrounded by family. I'm just glad to be out of that crap and driving after wind. Stay sober Nudawn. It's just so much more pleasant on this side of the fence.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
In general I enjoy the holidays. The difficult part about it is the desire to want to drink to have "fun". Then I remind myself of the time I got so drunk on Thanksgiving that I yelled at my brother at the table to eat the soup I made and wrestled with my nephew while wearing a skirt. I rarely drank in front of my family. I was so ashamed. Drinking doesn't make anything fun for me or those around me.
I hope you feel better and enjoy yourself as much as you can.
I hope you feel better and enjoy yourself as much as you can.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Nuu great thread, nice to see I am not a lone humbugger
Just this week I was floating the idea to my wife that Xmas would be better celebrated/scheduled like the Olympics. It would be way more special for those afflicted with luminous anal emissions, and less bothersome for those of us less enthusiastic.
Just this week I was floating the idea to my wife that Xmas would be better celebrated/scheduled like the Olympics. It would be way more special for those afflicted with luminous anal emissions, and less bothersome for those of us less enthusiastic.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
For me, it's that a lot of childhood stuff comes up. I want to be that 5 year old little girl who sees lots of presents under the tree on a perfectly snowy morning. Safe and warm inside the house with total delight in every carefree moment. Well those days are long gone and now I'm pretty much alone. But I made a choice. ..I could have gotten on a plane and been with family for Christmas. But its just a day, for heavens sake, and I can plan to make it enjoyable. I may get some king crab for Xmas eve...then I plan to hike Xmas morning and deliver a present to a 7 year old I do volunteer work with, then I'm having 2 people over for an early dinner. Sounds like a nice day to me. And no stress...and best yet, no hangover. So for me....it had to reframe and redefine my expectations of this holiday season. Hey, I have a couple days days off of work that I can enjoy. I have about 5 move to watch and plenty of tea and hot chocolate in the house. I may buy some decadent snacks.
I think we have to get rid of our unrealistic expectations, focus on taking care of ourselves, and be grateful for what we have.
I hope you can find a way to enjoy yourself, Nuudawn.
I think we have to get rid of our unrealistic expectations, focus on taking care of ourselves, and be grateful for what we have.
I hope you can find a way to enjoy yourself, Nuudawn.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Thank you all so much for your varying perspectives. I especially appreciated my fellow "me too miserables". I know that my thoughts dictate my emotions. There are just so many darn triggers and cues...both audio and visual!
BUT...I realized, I am totally fine with being alone this Christmas. I never am. I feel like I have never been "allowed" to be as I typically feel incredibly obliged to spend the holiday with my family...
Not this year. I actually declined an invite to spend Christmas with my sis at her friends.
Somehow I felt "guilty"bout that...
I'm housesitting in a big beautiful house with a king sized bed and television in the bedroom.
I'm going to do whatever I want...which will be a whole lot of nothing but reading or watching television and lazing around....
And I'm okay with that.
BUT...I realized, I am totally fine with being alone this Christmas. I never am. I feel like I have never been "allowed" to be as I typically feel incredibly obliged to spend the holiday with my family...
Not this year. I actually declined an invite to spend Christmas with my sis at her friends.
Somehow I felt "guilty"bout that...
I'm housesitting in a big beautiful house with a king sized bed and television in the bedroom.
I'm going to do whatever I want...which will be a whole lot of nothing but reading or watching television and lazing around....
And I'm okay with that.
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