Im having a really hard time in AA
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
It sounds like they are all spiritually asleep rather than awake.
Look for another group.
Primary Purpose Group in Dallas, Texas will "online " sponsor you through the steps.
Being "on" step one for months is just BS.
I got similar treatment from some jackass years ago, turned out he'd never done the steps.
Just "held" me on step one for a year and hoped I'd go off and drink.
Which i eventually did under the lash of dry drunkenness.
Look for another group.
Primary Purpose Group in Dallas, Texas will "online " sponsor you through the steps.
Being "on" step one for months is just BS.
I got similar treatment from some jackass years ago, turned out he'd never done the steps.
Just "held" me on step one for a year and hoped I'd go off and drink.
Which i eventually did under the lash of dry drunkenness.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: northern AZ
Posts: 796
Originally Posted by countrygirl2014 
I like AA. I see that it works. I wanted it to work for me. I have been literally sitting on step one now for 85 days because I was told to get a sponsor before moving on. I did. She avoids me like the plague. I have now asked 8 other women from different meetings and all have said no, then avoid me like the plague. I feel lonely in sobriety. I feel like there is something so wrong with me no one wants to deal with it. I'm tired of step one. I know I'm a damn alcoholic and that is why this is scaring me. I'm dealing with stuff I have blocked out for 25 years and I need the remaining steps to figure this out and start living. Can I do these steps alone? I am seriously about to use this big book as a beer coaster. This isn't worth it anymore. It's aggravating, frustrating and now I'm sad.
Jennifer
Jennifer
Its not just time to move on from her but from that home group IMHO... something way wrong there. As for Steps and sponsors, I did my first three steps in one day... the first day I attended a meeting and I did them seated at the table with just 5 other people there. All it took was seeing myself with brutal honesty, willingness and being ready to reach out to God in my desperation. That's it. No one could do that for me including a sponsor. By the time I wanted to do the 4th Step, I figured it was a good idea to get a sponsor because I needed someone to hear my 5th Step too and wanted the same person for each. But, very frankly, my goal was sobriety and changing my life and had I not been able to find a suitable sponsor, I would have gotten on with it anyway.
It sounds to me like you already have all that's required to get to at least the 3rd Step so I say go for it sponsor or no sponsor.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here and have made a decision to quit drinking!! That is indeed a huge step, and the most important one by far ..... the others will come 
Trying some other groups is a good idea, perhaps - if it's an option.
One group I attend has a temporary sponsor format for newcomers. Just to get them on the right track.
If your comfortable with it, perhaps consider sharing in a meeting that you need a sponsor or even a temporary one.
Wishing you the best Jen - Proud of you for your efforts!! That - a - gal!!!
FlyN
Trying some other groups is a good idea, perhaps - if it's an option.
One group I attend has a temporary sponsor format for newcomers. Just to get them on the right track.
If your comfortable with it, perhaps consider sharing in a meeting that you need a sponsor or even a temporary one.
Wishing you the best Jen - Proud of you for your efforts!! That - a - gal!!!
FlyN
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
So my selfish day turned into a quest from my higher power. As I was complaining to you all about MY problem with AA I received a call from a friend in the programs husband. She went on a bender. I called my sponsor, she answered and we made a plan. I called another lady. I will call her my second sponsor and the one I would like to work steps 4 and up with. We went to my friends, not quite knowing what to expect. She seemed to feel better after a loooong talk with both me and my sponsor. And grateful. I hope she dusts herself off and continues her journey.
That, my friends, is the first time in my life I was not driven by me, selfish needs or personal gratification. I could have come up with 100 different reasons not to go to her house. I am sorry. My temp sponsor, and my new one, and AA are a godsend.,just because they operate differently than I do doesn't make them awful. Creator gave me the grand AA tour today. And I am grateful to be of service to my fellow alcoholic. I am so full of love and gratitude right now, it's indescribable. It is so far from the old me.
Jennifer
That, my friends, is the first time in my life I was not driven by me, selfish needs or personal gratification. I could have come up with 100 different reasons not to go to her house. I am sorry. My temp sponsor, and my new one, and AA are a godsend.,just because they operate differently than I do doesn't make them awful. Creator gave me the grand AA tour today. And I am grateful to be of service to my fellow alcoholic. I am so full of love and gratitude right now, it's indescribable. It is so far from the old me.
Jennifer
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Your story sounds familiar to me. Looking back at my original short-list of potential sponsors, man am I glad I never had the courage to ask any of them. The guys I thought had their stuff together sure as heck don't. I can see that now that I have some time. I couldn't see it then. I suspect most others with less than a year or so don't really know what to look for anymore than I did.
You did learn a super important lesson WAY before I did though.....the one where you figure out what non-selfish / nothing-in-it-for-me actions can to do and for you. I didn't really give much of a damn for anyone in AA for a year or two. No surprise, those were some pretty dark years for me. Amazing that I didn't drink again. Lucky I suppose.
It sounds like you have the sponsor thing solved.....or at least partly solved. If you don't or you want some additional advice, please feel free to PM me.
You did learn a super important lesson WAY before I did though.....the one where you figure out what non-selfish / nothing-in-it-for-me actions can to do and for you. I didn't really give much of a damn for anyone in AA for a year or two. No surprise, those were some pretty dark years for me. Amazing that I didn't drink again. Lucky I suppose.
It sounds like you have the sponsor thing solved.....or at least partly solved. If you don't or you want some additional advice, please feel free to PM me.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by countrygirl2014
So my selfish day turned into a quest from my higher power. As I was complaining to you all about MY problem with AA I received a call from a friend in the programs husband. She went on a bender. I called my sponsor, she answered and we made a plan. I called another lady. I will call her my second sponsor and the one I would like to work steps 4 and up with. We went to my friends, not quite knowing what to expect. She seemed to feel better after a loooong talk with both me and my sponsor. And grateful. I hope she dusts herself off and continues her journey.
That, my friends, is the first time in my life I was not driven by me, selfish needs or personal gratification. I could have come up with 100 different reasons not to go to her house. I am sorry. My temp sponsor, and my new one, and AA are a godsend.,just because they operate differently than I do doesn't make them awful. Creator gave me the grand AA tour today. And I am grateful to be of service to my fellow alcoholic. I am so full of love and gratitude right now, it's indescribable. It is so far from the old me.
Jennifer
That, my friends, is the first time in my life I was not driven by me, selfish needs or personal gratification. I could have come up with 100 different reasons not to go to her house. I am sorry. My temp sponsor, and my new one, and AA are a godsend.,just because they operate differently than I do doesn't make them awful. Creator gave me the grand AA tour today. And I am grateful to be of service to my fellow alcoholic. I am so full of love and gratitude right now, it's indescribable. It is so far from the old me.
Jennifer
The only step that got its own entire chapter.
Good work!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by countrygirl2014
I have now asked 8 other women from different meetings and all have said no, then avoid me like the plague. I feel lonely in sobriety. I feel like there is something so wrong with me no one wants to deal with it.
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