Serenidad

15 days of sobriety and here come the holidays! How am I gonna get through it? I'm not worried about drinking DURING the holidays....I'm worried about drinking AFTER the holidays because of all the stress and I may think I "deserve" it.

I have to spend Christmas Eve at my mother's house. She and my Grandma are "dry drunks" (alcoholics who don't drink anymore but still have all the "isms" because they never worked a recovery program, counseling, SR, etc. etc.) who drive everyone crazy! She is such a trigger for me! I wish I lived 5,000 miles away from her so I didn't have to see her. It's expected that the entire family goes there on Christmas Eve every year and if we don't we will be shunned from the rest of the family! Such a trigger!

THEN....I get go to my husband's familys house where there will be about 50 drunk people Christmas Day! YAY! That's a little bit easier than going to my mother's house though believe it or not. I can escape to an AA meeting or to walk my puppy without anyone noticing because they are drinking! But still a trigger....

Just needed to vent...I just talked to my mom on the phone and she was arguing with me and the first thought that came to my mind was "I need a F-ing drink! How am I gonna get through Christmas?"

First thought WRONG!!! No drinks for this GIRL! That would be saying "F you...I'll hurt ME."

ANY TIPS??? I am sure I am not alone with this stress.....

Thepatman

I would start with positive reinforcement statements that you can repeat.

Ex: it won't be so bad,
I'll avoid arguments that can trigger me
if there are kids around I'll spend some time playing with them and find my inner child
if I have fun cool, if not also cool also
Christmas is not about getting drunk, it's about chilling with family and stuff my face in Turkey. LOL!

IOAA2

Hi.
I’m old time AA so much I say is not liked, so be it.
I was taught in the beginning to stay away from slippery places and holiday get togethers are usually very slippery places for alcoholics.
Another lesson I was taught is that my sobriety is the most important thing I have so guard it carefully.

If from out of nowhere came the desire to drink, postpone it! Again and again.
That’s a start.

BE WELL

SoberLeigh

It all sounds very stressful, Serenidad.

Dee posted/bumped a thread for tips on surviving the Holidays. I will try to find it and link it for you.

Anna

Serenidad, for me, I had to decide what was important. My sobriety was more important than visiting my mother who never failed to upset me. I cut back visits to almost none and I've never regretted it. I have over 14 years of recovery now, and more important I am meeting up with my children, their spouses and my 4 grandchildren to spend a week together. My grandchildren are the loves of my life and if I hadn't taken care of myself 14 years ago, I wouldn't be seeing them today. It's really that simple.

desypete

its not xmas day yet and already you have built up the ideas in your head and your living them and feeling this way because of it all

why worry about it when its not xmas day yet ?

wait till xmas day comes and your around them all i am sure you will find many ways to survive as its what we do

get yourself off to a meeting and repeat it over and over if things get to much for you, or use the phone and call other aa memebers thats what they gave you there number for so use them

go for a walk, find something to do etc anything and you will be amazed at just how well you can cope with things

but try not to build it all up now and live those days today as its not hear right now is it so why fear it ?

this is why i have to learn to live in the here and now what is happening today rather than what is happening next week etc it brings its own peace of mind,

doggonecarl

From the sound of, shunned doesn't sound so bad.

When it comes down to what I "have" to do, I put myself first. That selfishness that was so much a part of my addiction has been a plus in my recovery. It's all about me and my recovery.

Hope you find the strength to take care of your best interests...it's easier than dealing with stress and triggers...and drinking.

Plure

Yeah, like doggonecarl said, no problem being selfish as you recover. I've had to take myself away from situations that cause stress during the holidays and it's really helped IMO.

Serenidad

I was doing a great job of keeping my feet in TODAY until I talked to my mom on the phone this morning and she started harassing me about Christmas! Ugh! That's why I posted as soon as that drinking thought and fear came over me.

Thx for the feedback though. I'm gonna re-read all the feedback over and over and over....

Not going is not an option at this point. My kids all want to see there cousin and I'm not going to disappoint them. I've disappointed them enough lately with my year-long relapse. I also don't to spend coach Christmas Eve without my kids and husband...

Stuck between a rock and a hard place. :-(

zeppodog

Ya the holidays are a big trigger for me, keep telling my AV that I'll be better off without alcohol and my wife will be a lot happier if I stay sober. Good luck to everyone who has a hard time with the holidays. stay sober.

Kero

Take a lesson from my relapse this weekend. I talked myself right into one. I told myself that it was out if my control. What a line of BS! I was always in control.

I tend to get down around the holidays and I let myself fall because of it. Family will stress you out. It is going to happen whether your drink or not. Stay strong and get through it.

ScottFromWI

Actually you are not. You have a choice to drink or not to drink. You are going to be stressed whether you go or not, so just go with the mindset that no matter what happens you DO NOT DRINK. If your mother and grandmother stress you out, don't hang out with them. Hang out with the kids, they must enjoy each others company if they want to go.

Slip away and log onto SR, call your sponsor, bring the big book, do whatever it takes while you are there.

Soberwolf

This time last year i was 5 months and i got through christmas i wasnt with AA anymore and i didnt know of sober recovery

Serenidad i got through christmas it was ok but...

I had my last craving as soon as i got home i dealt with that alone i knew what i had to do and that was stay sober there is no magic secret i sat there fuming with myself for about an hour i was fully aware and started writing things down furiously reinforcing my sobriety accepting it telling myself every reason why i cant drink i played the mental tape, it was my choice if i acted on it and i didnt you know why ? because it is the worst thing we could do to ourselves


it isnt an option the feelings do not have to be acted on

Im staying sober throughout christmas and 2015

were here 24/7 stay close listen to advice and wel all be there for one another throughout 2015

my first christmas with SR thanks SR and thank you Serenidad

JT0626

Oh, Serenidad, I can so relate with nutty mothers. My mother can drive anyone to drink. However, ScottFromWI makes a good point that it is all up to you. Now is the time to prove to yourself that you can handle anything sans the alcohol. Let's face it, life is stressful no matter what - we will always encounter something difficult. The only thing you can control is yourself & what you do.

I believe in you, Serenidad....I know you can do this!

Turtle82

I'm old school I guess. Reading your post took me back to the days when "People, Places and Things" was oft repeated. My sponsor used to say, "If there's a rip in your spiritual armor, then stay away from those three." Sobriety is my first priority. Some people say God is there's but if I'm not sober I can't hear Him... so that's why sobriety comes first That still works for me so I'm passing it on. Does that mean I've had to deal with consequences from staying away? Sure... but my sobriety comes first. When my spiritual armor is in tact, I can walk into situations I couldn't otherwise handle. Those doing 12th Step work and being called on to walk into bars need that armor. The main thing is knowing where you're at.

Tamerua

Make a plan! I got sober right before the holidays and I had the same worry. Like I knew I could get through dinners and such without drinking but I was worried about when I was home alone.

I went to meetings, a lot of meetings because I knew I was safe there. I called people, worked, made coffee for a womens meeting. And then, it passed and got easier. You can do this, just keep swimming.

Serenidad

I meant I'm stuck between a rock in a hard place because I don't want to go to my crazy mom's house....but (as a mother) I need to go because my kids want to see their cousins.

Thx for your support Scott!

Carlotta

You got some really good feedback here. I can so relate to drinking to unwind and also drinking as a reward. My suggestion to you would be to set up right now an unwinding and reward mechanism for when you come back.
You will probably come home feeling exhausted, drained and with maybe some new resentments. Your AV will probably also try to compare you with your drunken relatives.
Make a plan of course for Xsmas but also a post Christmas plan and put it in writing.
For example when you come home, first thing after the kids are settled and unpacked could be going to a meeting even if you are exhausted and just want to crash. Then back home a nice long relaxing lavender bath followed by watching your favorite movie and a platter of your favorite comfort food. (and don't forget logging to SR).
Another thing could be buying your own Christmas present right now and leaving it at home in your closet fully wrapped. I would be here when you got home.
Well I m sure you can come up with more things to do once you get back home...those are just a few suggestions.

Serenidad

Good idea Carlotta. I'm gonna drive separately & come home a day early too so I can go to meetings, sleep in my own bed and take care of ME. In the mean time I am meeting my sponsor for a hour tonite then going to a meeting, going to 2 meetings tomorrow and one on Wednesday morning. That should help.

The other day I said to myself "why did I decide to stop drinking BEFORE the holidays? Why not wait until Jan 1?" That was my AV. The answer to that question is if had I not gotten sober on Dec 7th I'm not sure I would still be here. I was having lots of suicidal thoughts at the end. I was in HELL!

And now that I have gone through 15 days of withdrawal symptoms I do NOT want to go through that all over again! That would be like climbing up a really steep mountain....going all the way to the bottom...and starting all over again! Ugh!

Anyway...I really and truly appreciate everyone's support! I know I am not the only one who gets stressed and deals with TOXIC people at the holidays. I guess maybe I should make a gratitude list because some people don't have anyone to spend Christmas with, are in jail, dead etc. :-(

I will be praying a lot the next few days....BREATHING....and logging into SR. Happy Holidays to all of you! LETS DO THIS!!! I'm ready!

Soberwolf

Way to go Serenidad