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So, I mean, honestly

Old 12-22-2014, 01:30 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I think it's a simoplification to say that getting sober makes you happy - but many people hear just that and they think they must be doing something wrong...

getting sober did not make me happy - but it gave me a level platform to work from, to work out what I was unhappy and exactly what I could do about that.

There was an end to my unhappiness in recovery - took me a year or so tho working through all my issues. (pretty good compared to the decades I was unhappy for)

I was *very unhappy* but there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Drinking, I was even more unhappy - and no light, anywhere. at all.

Get rid of that 'probably' Briar - I can guarantee you drinking again will offer you nothing but more misery, more self hatred and more insecurity and fear.

Energy spent on being mad or afraid or sad over our life is wasted energy.

Start working out what issues you have and how you can resolve them - if it takes therapy, a lifestyle change, thought changes, or even medication...canvass all your options.

D
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Old 12-22-2014, 02:07 PM
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02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
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Thank you. I know I don't really want to drink, I just want to stop hurting, and I don't know where to start.
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Old 12-22-2014, 02:21 PM
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When you have decades of hurting it takes a little while for that to stop.
I started with counselling and volunteer work.

The counselling helped me worked out some better ways to deal with stuff (no more negative self talk, no more catastrophising, no more feeling sorry for myself) and the volunteering helped me by getting out of my own head a little and realise the world was bigger than just my piece of it.

That was my way. Your way may not look like that

Sometimes we can start in really small ways. Housework, funny movie, playing with your kid making a gratitude list - anything to stop the loop in your head.

D
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Old 12-22-2014, 02:21 PM
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Old 12-22-2014, 03:01 PM
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02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
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It's hard to believe I have the ability to change anything, like the way I react to things. That's so ingrained in me. And it's hard to accept that it's completely my responsibility to figure it out. I'm sitting here telling myself I have to do something to help myself feel better, I won't feel better unless I try, and it's all on me to make the decisions about what I'm going to do. Seems obvious, but it's uncomfortable to even try. It's a lot of responsibility when I have never been able to actually pull that off. I don't have much confidence in my ability to change my thinking. Quitting this time has been so much about taking responsibility for myself and not blaming or expecting others to fix me. I get that, but it's lonely and I have no idea what I'm doing.
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Old 12-22-2014, 03:08 PM
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I think it's like that for everyone Briar - it certainly was for me.
All I knew in the beginning was to not drink.

D
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Old 12-22-2014, 03:12 PM
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Hey, Briar. My heart is with you, my friend.

I empathize with so much of what you're saying. I read through your very first post on this board and it helped me recognize the happiness and rationality that you're capable of. Life is rough, no question. I would bet that you've had more soul-wrenching emotional trials than I can imagine. And that AV, god it sucks so badly. It preys. It says it'll bring happinsss again if you just let it. Every moment of hearing it is a moment that it gets stronger. There is no rationality contained within it; it will concoct a system where the pleasure of the moment can still be achieved safely.. But you know better. You've experienced that lie enough to come here, over a year ago.

You will get to seven months again, one moment at a time. I believe in you.
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Old 12-22-2014, 04:06 PM
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02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
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Thank you guys. I really think this is hard because I'm finally getting it this time, and I see how hard it's going to be, and how big, and for how long. And it sucks. I keep wanting to chicken out and run. It's a dark forest with some big critters, I don't even know what they are, and I don't have much in the way of weapons and armor. I guess I just have to believe that what I'm already running from is worse.
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Old 12-22-2014, 04:35 PM
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It's a dark forest with some big critters, I don't even know what they are,
Would you believe me if I said I found most of those 'critters' had big shadows...but nothing to them?

My fear of reality was far more painful than the reality. I'm confident it will be that way for you too Briar, when you look back.

D
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Old 12-22-2014, 06:43 PM
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I don't know if I believe you. I guess I have to.
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Old 12-23-2014, 05:22 PM
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I think D's spot on.
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Old 12-23-2014, 07:53 PM
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I have no reason to lie

D
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Old 12-23-2014, 07:54 PM
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I have no reason to lie twice either

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Old 12-23-2014, 08:21 PM
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Hi Briar

In my experience there are 2 types of alcoholic folk.

Some people drink far too much for their own good, one day something catastrophic happens as a result of that and they quit. Life gets back on track and they never or seldom look back.

Some people drink far too much for their own good and one day something catastrophic happens and they quit, But life doesn't improve much, if at all and they end up where you are now.... Thinking of drinking again. Or actually doing it.

Thats alcoholism at its worst.

A "sober living problem " is probably a more apt description than an alcohol problem.

Think about it... If all you have is an alcohol problem, shouldn't the problem go away once you stop?

Dee has taken a lot of actions to overcome his drinking problem.

So have I.

Maybe you should too.

Alcoholism kills alcoholics.

If you had a life threatening illness, you'd take serious action... Right?
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