slim shady

I'm 27, married with two children. My husband is a recreational user, but has never had addiction issues. I come from a family of addicts. My mother was getting me high at 14. I had a serious problem with Coke for a long time, but I'm back to heroin now. i used to be a stripper. I hit bottom and bounced hard. I never quit completely, but I slowed my use. I got a great job as an analyst at a big mortgage company. we have a nice apartment, nice cars, and my kids have never gone without anything. My husband has a cabnetry business, and I recently quit my job to spend more time with my children. My husband hired his cousin, an H addict, and I began using recreationally. I stopped using it for four years ( substituted it with other drugs, so sober wouldn't be the proper word.) I've been on it for about three months again, and I am strung out.

I really want to go to detox, but I don't have any kind of support circle. His reputation and his family's opinion is far more important than my sobriety, I guess, because asking for their help is out of the question. He is leting me get enough dope everyday to stay well, but not get high. I don't have any friends or family here. I've only lived in the Ohio area for about a year and a half.

M y children have been suffering because of my addiction. I kicked once, and was sober for three days after the withdrawl stopped, and was very mean, almost verbally abusive. I told my husband that I hated having children and said other very bad things. I used that as an excuse to get high again (I needed an attitude adjustment.) Now I'm strung out again. I asked my grandmother to fly up from Florida to visit for a few weeks. She will be here on Tuesday. I can't tell her I'm using, but I thought having her around would help me fight the urge to cop.

I need to find a way to get clean by them without being sick around my children. My husband is on a deadline and cannot take time off work. I don't know why I'm writing any of this. I know no one can help, and I will just have to find a way to get through this weekend, but I'm scared that I won't. I'm thinking about going to meetings, but it's so weird entering a room where everyone knows each other, by myself, I've pulled in to the parking lot a few times, and then left and driven around for the hour, because I couldn't get up the nerve to go in.

When you're shy, and don't know anyone, and have a hard time talking face to face, and have to hide your addiction, how do you develop a support system? Can you just go up to somene at NA and say hi, I need a friend? What do you do?

best

Where will his reputation be when the using gets out of hand and for what ever reason things reach the front page of the local newspaper?

You need do this for you.

As far as a support system Yes you can just go up to someone in NA and say... I need a friend. What would be better... going to NA with the desire to stop and then say.... I need to find support to help me stop. With that you may find a whole room full of friends.

Gooch

I have to agree.. in the short or long run our recovery has to take priority. Anything we place ahead of it will be among the things we lose to our addiction. That includes reputations, careers, loved ones, and our self esteem.

I found more than friends at NA. I found an extended family.

peace2u

Hi Slim Lady,
I'm with Gooch and Best. Heck! You've already solved half the mystery by admitting there's a problem. You've physically visited the location of a support group via online and by driving through it's parking lot. You've rehearsed your lines to perfection. I know I couldn't turn you away. I can tell you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. You go and make a new life for yourself. You've come this far..don't turn give up now.

slim shady

Thanks. I'm going to try to detox this weekend, but it's really scary. I've been counting the hours since my last shot and just waiting for the symptoms to begin, like the usual checklist. OK, chills and a runny nose, in a few more hours I'll be vomiting... Is my body aching yet? I think this must be how someone on death row feels. I printed up a meeting schedule, but right now I'm taking my kids to the park. Your responses really touched me.

mnj1024

Hi Slim Shady, my name is mike and I'm an addict. One thing I know about my disease is that I need help, I can't do it alone. I have tried to many times to fight this sickness on my own and lost every time. I think you will find that every person here can relate to how you are feeling in some way. I was extremely shy my whole life and always had self confidence issues as well as low self esteem, when I started using these traits only got worse. Every single person in that room was once alone and didn't know anyone at one time, until they had the courage to walk into the room raise their hand and say "I'm new and I need help" I think you will be amazed at the responses you get. I like what gooch said about finding more than friends, but extended family. I have found new way of life and I pray that you do too.
mike

squirrelly77

Hey there!

Glad you found us...my thoughts go out to you and I hope that you get through the weekend (fairly) okay.
By the way, I'm Danielle and I'm an alkie (fer sure! ) I've never done anything besides drink and smoke pot, but I'm well accoustomed to the withdrawals from alcohol. I actually didn't start having them until this past Fall...and they weren't that bad--shakiness, sweaty...etc no DT's or anything, and for that I'm really thankful. But, they were bad enough.
Keep posting...this is a great place to be!

KelKel

HI Slim Shady
Glad you found us....
I will be thiking of you this weekend and sending prayers your way.
Please call NA and get some local support from people who have walked in your shoes.
Does not sound like you have much support around you and you are going to need it.
Hang out here and let us be there for you....

Chy

Gosh I'm so glad by the time I got to the last post you had decided to go to detox. You and your sobriety have to come above all else. It wouldn't have been pretty around the kids. Good luck, we'll be here for you!