80 days sober...and AV bargaining for a drink.. :(
 

Just wanted to post...80 days sober today. I've made it further than any of my prior attempts. And I will go further.

But that insidious voice has been popping up lately. I'm moving in 25 days so stress is creeping in with that...Christmas and all that...the office is relatively quiet.

Here it is...I've been fighting the thought of drinking tomorrow. Call this playing the tape through call it what you will...but let me post it out.

If I drink tomorrow...I will lose the following.

80 hard earned days of continuous sobriety.
The respect/trust of my GF and family that have slowly grown to see I am serious this time.

I don't WANT to drink tomorrow. But the old pull/thought patterns are difficult to break. But I am gaining momentum in that regard.

I WILL not drink tomorrow. I'll be on SR when I get to the office to post on the 24 hour commitment thread. And I will call my sponsor first thing tomorrow morning.

And YES I have spoken to him today about these feelings/thoughts.

I've noticed this happens to me when I gain in sobriety...the soul crushing/life threatening consequences of my last drinking episode fade into almost nothing..like the memories did not happen.

But they DID. I have the hospital bracelet from my last drink 80 days ago to prove it...even though I was so drunk I don't remember being there.

I am not drinking today. And with the assistance of my higher power and my friends here on SR I will NOT drink tomorrow.

Have a good night SR. You WILL see me tomorrow!:ring

No is a complete sentence findingtheway :)

D

Glad you posted, Finding, and that you are 'putting to paper' your reasons to stay sober tomorrow and thereafter.

See you tomorrow on Day 81!!!!!

Hi, finding, keep hold of that bracelet and don't ever forget it. A grisly reminder.

Congratulations on 80 days.

My av was very crafty and I learnt to not feed him, like the proverbial two wolves. It gets easier.

Awesome post, Findingtheway. You're awesome and your willpower is awesome. I connect so much with what you wrote. You got this! Can't wait for that tomorrow post, my friend!

Findingtheway, I'm glad you posted and look forward to seeing you on the 24 Hour thread tomorrow!

You sound healthy and strong -- that can be dangerous time. Where are you channeling that energy? What sober commitments are you building? It may be early, but maybe not too early to work on doing something besides "just" not drinking. Service? In AA in my neck of the woods, for instance, there's no sober time requirement to be a greeter at meetings.

Hang in their Findingtheway. You can win this battle. It's clear that you understand that you gain nothing by drinking. Try to ground yourself emotionally, focusing on what you know to be true. Your AV is just emotional melodrama.

Findingtheway, congratulations on 80 days! That's a terrific accomplishment.

Some of the sobriety veterans have observed that this is a tricky time. It was for me. I joined SR when I was two months sober and not a moment too soon. My own theory is that our AVs start to feel really threatened and so they start saying things like "see, you made it for more than a couple of months. Obviously, you didn't really have a problem."

Good for you for coming here and sharing. That's a helpful approach. (So is keeping that hospital bracelet in plain view.)

You can do this. You really can.

Hey Findingtheway- Congrats on the 80 days!

I think many of us are feeling some pretty strong temptations during this time of the year. I mean everything sort of seems to be centered around having some drinks. From the TV commercials, to the holiday parties and everything in-between.

However, I think it's important to remember how things really are for people like us. We can't really drink in moderation, regardless how much we want to. We'll never morph into that of a normal drinker. Booze will only bring us back to the way we were before going the sober rout, etc.. From some of what you've included in your post, I know that you already know all of this too.

Then there's the whole self disappointment aspect. The 80 days of your hard work would be lost. And I could see how it would be easy to just tell yourself that you'll pick it up again after the new year. Perhaps even include sobriety as some type of a New Years resolution. I, for one, would be so freaken pissed at myself, which is one of the reasons I've been staying the course.

On a positive note, when you ride out these temptations and make it through the holidays without any drinks, you'll know that you are truly on your way to a better you, and this time it's for good. You'll know that you're not as weak (to booze) as you might have thought. Maybe this can even be some type of a turning point, if you're doubting your goals, and whether it's all worth it or not. I think when you make it through the holidays, you'll know that it is.

Remember:
http://i1375.photobucket.com/albums/...pse8986823.jpg


Lusher

Tell AV no deal! You got this. You've come so far to give in now. You got this bud.

I felt seriously tempted yesterday and got some serious work done and progress on my motorcycles. I even made a friend with a guy a few streets down who saw me out there working on my bikes. Well he worked in a shop 20 yrs ago that specialized in these classic bikes and offered fo help me whenever I wanted. Now had I been drunk I would not have had that opportunity. You miss out on things like that when you are locked insidedrinking or sitting at a bar...

I have faith in you.

See you on the 24 hour thread tomorrow posting you Day 81 commitment. YAY for you!

Congratulations on your 80 days, FindingtheWay. I never felt that by drinking again I would lose my previous sobriety as that is firmly in the past. Drinking again would be to give away my future, my self respect.

If you don't want to drink tomorrow, you needn't. The choice is yours, always yours. You only need to believe it to be true.

Hi Findingtheway,

Congrats on 80 days!

Here's another bargain. If you don't drink tomorrow, I won't either. Let's stay sober together. Deal?

It's amazing how continued sobriety can make the bad memories fade, and then the dangers of relapse rise. It becomes easier to romanticize the drug/alcohol and only remember the good.
The bad memories are somewhat forgotten, because while using the substance our memory-forming capacities are impaired.
And the "good" (euphoria, or whatever) is remembered thanks to the pleasure-reward systems of the brain.

That combination is DANGEROUS!

I'm feeling this already at 3 weeks. And at 50 days (the longest I went, this past summer) that feeling led me to relapse. (Not this time, AV.)

It happens with other substances, too. "Oh, how much could one little cigarette/pill/hit hurt?" says the AV. Turns out, it hurts a LOT.

Maybe make a list of all the negative consequences of your previous drinking. (The way you played the tape through was really good!!!)

Be careful not to romanticize booze.

Just stay busy, stay active, stay hydrated, drink some coffee/tea, stick around here, and stay sober. You sound strong so I know you will :)

^^^:c014:

80 days!!! You/We got this, friend. :)

You got this man. Drinking it just not something you do anymore. 80 days is such an awesome streak, let's keep it going.

Congrats!!!! You have a lot going on. You know if you drink none of it will get done or wont get done right. Take a deep deep breath.

Again, well done

Your so Awesome

80 Days is fantstic Finding

Posting helps, it helps so much, good for you!

Glad you posted and rationalized the urge for it is. Powerless over your will to stay sober and live a healthy and happy life.

Urges are like phone telemarketing, you either listen and buy the crap they have for sale, or you hang up after saying thanks but no thanks.