abettersunday

I would like to introduce myself and look for some support in my journey. I am a 26 year old male who has been binge drinking for the past 10 years. I have noticed a trend in the last year or two as to where I am drinking more frequently and more quantity. I have an addictive personality, and have been addicted to gambling in the past. I had gone to Gamblers Anonymous occasionally, about three years ago. I have contained my gambling to maybe one small slip every 3 months, but instead have substituted it with drinking.

I live alone, have few friends, and have basically been working and then drinking the weekend away. Not really in a party mode, but by myself most of the time. I dis-like myself and the person I have become. I also have Fibromyalgia and TMJ, which are chronic pain disorders. Honestly, in my dealings with GA and seeing a therapist I am looking for ways to numb the physical pain and also the mental pain of lonliness and regrets.

I am so embarrassed in myself with addiction issues, this strange, vague chronic pain issue, that I became so private and holed myself up away from the world when really I need human contact and a shoulder to lean on.

Also, I don't want to be hungover and feel like **** all the time. The funny thing is when I am sober and open up to people, I am a much better person because I feel natural. I hate myself for being lazy, drinking, ruined relationships, I feel like a loser, I'm single etc. etc. and my hidden feelings and thoughts always rear themselves up in addiction and other ugly ways.

My therapist has been telling me to go to AA for a few months, but I haven't gone. I finally opened up to my sister a bit ago and am planning on going to a meeting tomorrow to at least vent some of this out in person. I hope yesterday will be the last day of my life that I will have a drink.

Dee74

Hi and welcome abettersunday

Change is scary for all of us - especially this kind of change, and especially when you've been self medicating with alcohol.

I did - I also have TMJ and a range of other chronic pain disorders. I've learned to deal with those soberly, and the results are fantastically better than they were when I drank.

I feel better and like myslef and my world better sober too.

I think you're making a great choice - glad to have you here

D

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR abettersunday

Nice to meet you

SoberLeigh

Welcome, a betterSunday, to SR. Congratulations on your desire to lead a sober life.

You have come to a place of understanding, support and encouragement.

Let us know how the AA meeting goes.

Mark1014

Welcome abettersunday,

It's good that you're tackling this so young....that's impressive. You'll find lots of support and folks to lean on here. And yesterday CAN be the last day to ever drink. Looks like you're making a plan and being proactive and that's excellent. I look forward to hearing more from you.

trachemys

As someone told me the other day: drop your pants, change clothes, live on.

OklaBH

glad you are taking care of business now. i let way to many precious years go by. Change is scary. In this case though, staying the same is scarier.

Keep posting!

ishallnotwant

Welcome, abettersunday

brynn

So glad you're here!
I love the honesty in your post and I think that honesty will serve you well in your recovery journey.
Hope to see you around the boards!

abettersunday

Thanks for the welcoming responses! I feel better and am happy to know there is a great community to help others. I feel better getting some of this off my chest. I also did a bit of Googling and apparently Roger Ebert was involved with AA/stopping drinking.

I am set to go to a meeting tomorrow evening, and I will report back on how it went.

Also, I really like that quote that change is scary, but staying the same is scarier.

Chuck39

Hello BetterSunday ... I am new myself today. I echo the sentiment that being aware and trying to make changes at 26 is really admirable. I am 39 and wish I could go back to my 26yo self and pull it together. I feel like I've lost many years because of my drinking. But I am challenging myself to look forward and not in the past. I cannot change that behavior but I can change things going forward. And hopefully that'll involve abstaining from alcohol. Good luck ... I am right there with ya man.

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, abettersunday! It's good to have you with us. Believe me when I say you're about to make one of the best decisions of your life. If drinking is becoming a burden to you now it will be a prison for you in another five or ten years. I burned up 25 years being drunk most of the time, it's not a good way to live. But it's hard to express how much better my life got when I quit!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! You can do this!!

abettersunday

So I went to my first AA meeting this evening. It was an open beginners discussion and was a large group, about 50-60 people. I just said my name and that it was my first time, and left after the meeting was over. I was slightly uncomfortable and not really ready to share. Some of the stories were touching and gave me some strength.

I am going to go to a meeting early Wednesday as I am off Christmas eve and wouldn't mind going to a smaller group and seeing what that is like.

Inchworm

I'm glad to hear it went well for you and that you're going to try another meeting.

SoberLeigh

Glad the meeting went well, abettersunday.

Chuck39

Well done. I am rooting for you. And trying to take some inspiration. I think the beginning of this journey will be the hardest for me. It's so reassuring to know there are folks out there just like me trying to make a change.

abettersunday

I have been so sleepy/lethargic/apathetic today and anxiety off the charts. Haven't really talked to anyone about my issues. I just want to sleep.

My pain and fatigue have Been worse today. I see my counselor at 6 today. Hoping that helps. I want to bring up the subject of adderrall for fatigue, but not sure if that is wise. My rationale is when I am tired, I don't do anything, then I get lonely and feel bad about myself, then booze.

We will see, I find that my fears are often overblown and 95% of the time don't occur.

doggonecarl

No, not wise. You said in you initial post that you have an addictive personality. Wanting to take Adderall because you feel unmotivated is AV (addictive voice) pure and simple.

If you're tired, take a nap. You are in early recovery. Things will level out.

FreeOwl

Welcome.

Thanks for sharing and helping me stay sober today.

I hope you'll give AA a shot. It has been a true blessing in my life and has been an essential part of my ever-deepening sobriety.