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Old 12-20-2014, 06:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
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What to do?


I am a male in my early 40's and have enjoyed drinking since I was in my teens. I do not drink every day and for many years was a weekend binge drinker without drinking at all during the week. Over the past couple of years either due to more work stress, also school stress as I am doing a masters I began to drink wine or beer 1-2 per night with my meals. I love to have social drinks and do so responsibly 95% of the time. I have had occurrences in past where I drink to much and have episodes of blackouts or come home and get into an argument with my wife. I am typically a happy drunk but for some reason on certain nights or with certain drinks I can release venom to those I am closest with towards the end of the night. This seems to happen when I have also not had much to eat.

I am so very afraid of quitting altogether. Much of my social life, close friends, etc. all have casual social drinking associated with them. My wife told me recently that if another episode happens that it will jeopardize our marriage. I certainly don't want that or to lose everything I have worked so hard for. I also have experienced depression/anxiety in my past and am currently taking 50mg of pritiq each day. I have drank on this medication before without issue but for whatever reason he last couple of times I have gone out drinking they hit me like a brick and I had trouble controlling my intake and remembering all that happened. I am feeling quite guilty today and thought I would post to get some things of my chest. I so truly wish there was another way to control this other than quoiting cold turkey but I am sure most of you will tell me there is not which makes me even sadder.

Any words of encouragement, support, explanation would be very much appreciated. I am also willing to answer questions for those willing to help that need more detail.
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Old 12-20-2014, 06:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi livestrong

I think everyones afraid of the changes that not drinking will bring. Change is inevitable, that's for sure - my life is unrecognisable from the life I had as a drinker - but for me, that's a very good thing.

I love my life now and I love being the person I am

Granted you may not be at the point I was - drinking all day every day - but you've already experienced something of the progressive nature of alcoholism - I started as a weekend binger too.

I think tho that stuff like this is a huge red flag -

Quote:
I have had occurrences in past where I drink to much and have episodes of blackouts or come home and get into an argument with my wife. I am typically a happy drunk but for some reason on certain nights or with certain drinks I can release venom to those I am closest with towards the end of the night. This seems to happen when I have also not had much to eat.
Do you really want this to be part of your life?

Man, not eating is not the cause here - alcohol is.

The obvious response is to 'cut back' in an attempt to control this - if you have tried it already, you'll know how hard it is.

I think it's well nigh impossible to cross back over the line when you reach a certain point of progression...I can guarantee you though that removing alcohol from your life will also stop this problem

D
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Old 12-20-2014, 06:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I love this post. You simply state your problem, why you don't want to address it, what it's going to take to fix it, and what's going to happen if you don't fix it. if you want, you can stop this thing. Lots of great advice here. Welcome.
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Old 12-20-2014, 07:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR.
There is a lot of experience and welcoming people here, look around all the forums, post ask ,check in often.

Do you want to quit, or just have drinking be less problematic?
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Old 12-20-2014, 07:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Im in my early forties and went through the same thing. People say im the nicest guy around. But sometimes after drinking i would lash out at my wife. Not even knowing why. Alcohol does affect us differently as we get older. I dont know. My only solution is abstinence.
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Old 12-20-2014, 07:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Most, if not all of us here, have tried to moderate our drinking. It doesn't work for alcoholics. Once you have crossed the invisible line, there is no return. Attempting to moderate is exhausting. Stopping drinking completely is hard, but it can be done and there are so many benefits. Yes, you will need to make big changes regarding friends and activities, but if you look around here, you will see a lot of happy, productive people.
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Old 12-20-2014, 07:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome Livestronger!! I too like you was in jeopardy of ruining my marriage because of alcohol. I also was drinking while on an SSRI. I did this for 5 years, and was actually gasping for air when passed out due to the affects on the nervous system. Again like you, I slowing was drinking on the weeknights and at the end it daily. Alcohol was a huge part of my social circle, but it really does get easier to hang out with friends sober.

I'll have one year of sobriety next month and I never thought in a million years I could obtain even a week without a drink. You can do this if you want, it isn't easy some days, but it's well worth it in the end. I use SR as my main tool for staying sober, I actually look forward to reading/learning about my addiction. You will resonate with a lot of people on here and even though I have never met any of these nice folks I feel like they are my friends. Good Luck and I hope you stay sober for yourself and yor family!!
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Old 12-20-2014, 07:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone so far for the great feedback. To answer one of the questions I would just like drinking to be less problematic but I know that may not be possible without abstinence. I was doing really well since my last embarrassing incident which took place some 3-4 years ago.
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Old 12-20-2014, 07:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Most, if not all of us here, have tried to moderate our drinking. It doesn't work for alcoholics. Once you have crossed the invisible line, there is no return. Attempting to moderate is exhausting. Stopping drinking completely is hard, but it can be done and there are so many benefits. Yes, you will need to make big changes regarding friends and activities, but if you look around here, you will see a lot of happy, productive people.
This
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Old 12-20-2014, 07:56 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Whatever route or plans you decide to employ for problem lessening,rigorous self honesty is a must.
Wish you well and hope to see you around
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Old 12-20-2014, 08:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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If you do plan on trying to moderate please talk to your doctor about mixing alcohol and Prestiq. I'm sure it isn't recommended and it can be very dangerous.
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Old 12-20-2014, 08:08 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Old 12-20-2014, 08:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Old 12-21-2014, 07:43 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Yeah, I would love to stop taking pristiq but I find it helps me concentrate with school and work and be less anxious and more relaxed about things. I have tapered off now and again without significant side effects or problems. 3 small kids you need to have lots of patience! I just hate being on any types of med's
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Old 12-21-2014, 08:02 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Always best to speak to a doctor about meds

Livestrong make yourself accountable make a day 1

you can do it
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Old 12-21-2014, 08:45 AM   #16 (permalink)
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You may want to look at the stages of alcoholism and see where you fall. Take an honest look at yourself when you read it. Here's a link Stages of Alcoholism – 1, 2, 3, 4 Alcoholism Stages You Should Know
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Old 12-21-2014, 08:47 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Anybody have good advice on how to handle social outings or communicating my plans to moderate or perhaps even not drink at all with my friends? Is it better to just come out and say I'm quitting?
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Old 12-21-2014, 09:14 AM   #18 (permalink)
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You don't have to say anthing. Whatever you decide needn't be approved by folks at a social outing.

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Old 12-21-2014, 09:22 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Maybe instead of worrying about completely giving up, try setting a reachable goal, like quitting for 30 days. Don't drink for 1 month and see how you feel. If you want an explanation, go to the dr. and tell him how you feel about your recent drinking and especially what your wife said about your marriage. The Dr. will likely tell you if drinking is becoming a problem, to quit or cut back for a while. Voila. You now have an excuse for your friends: doctor's orders.
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Old 12-21-2014, 09:45 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I am in a similar boat in you livestronger as I am going back to school. I could also tell my husband was having some issues with my drinking since he would make snarky remarks about it. If your wife has given you a warning about another episode, I would recommend heeding that warning since it sounds like she has had it. You're risking your marriage at this point by continuing. It sounds like you need to figure out what is important to you.

Paloverde had some great advice. If you are concerned about your social outings, plan to do other things during those times and then say you're busy if you don't like the doctor excuse. They'll eventually stop asking. You can also suggest going out for breakfast.

Personally, I have been much happier since quitting alcohol. I finally got a month sober yesterday. Like you, I was scared since I couldn't envisage a life without alcohol, but I knew if I kept going, life was going to get worse. I don't feel I could have done it without the support of everyone here. SR is truly an amazing place. I hope you stick around Livestronger.
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