Starting over again and again and again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: watkinsville GA
Posts: 6
Starting over again and again and again.
I have been fighting my addiction for 12 years. I am close to losing my husband..my home..my job. I am tired of fighting this battle. The only way I stay sober is on Antabuse...my husband gives it to me. Makes me feel like a loser every night. Ten after a few weeks I will find a way not to swallow it ..and eventually lead up to an all out drunk. I drink so much that it's a wonder I am still alive. Yesterday I had vodka..a six pack of dark beer and whiskey. When I start I can't stop until I pass out. Then I get up in the morning looking for more. I rarely have any left..because I drink until it's gone if I don't pass out first. I know the trouble this is causing in my life for my family and for me..but yet I still can't seem to quit. How can something have such a powerful hold on me. My husband suggested I try to figure out what the root cause of my drinking is. I am lost and really hating myself right now. Here we are at Christmas and I have done it again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I really recommend you join the Class of December support thread dcafe...there's some amazing support and recovery in there:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-18.html
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-18.html
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,007
Dont give up dcafe. There are many of us including myself who have tried many times to give up only to relapse. Reach out for help, as you have done here. However, 1-to-1 support is best. Find an AA meeting near you and simply go. Have an open mind and listen to what folks share. If AA in the US is like it is here is AU, there are many meetings before and during the holiday season as its a "peak" season for drinking. Your husband is right in that you need to find the cause of your drinking which would probably require counselling. Develop a recovery plan which works for you (i.e., stops you drinking successfully). There are no two plans alike so its a process of discovery.
Importantly, let go of the guilt, shame and remorse. You have an addiction that is dictating your life. It is not you. Learn from the past but let the emotional baggage go. Be kind and forgive yourself. You are worthy, there is no doubt of that.
Stay close to SR and post and read as much as you can. Join the December 2014 class.
Just keep trying. As long as you dont give up, you have not failed.
Importantly, let go of the guilt, shame and remorse. You have an addiction that is dictating your life. It is not you. Learn from the past but let the emotional baggage go. Be kind and forgive yourself. You are worthy, there is no doubt of that.
Stay close to SR and post and read as much as you can. Join the December 2014 class.
Just keep trying. As long as you dont give up, you have not failed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
hi sweetheart! Sorry you are having a tough time. You need to read the book "staying Sober" there is even a workbook that helps you get to the root of why you keep going back to what YOU KNOW will kill you. Relapse is very dangerous. Every time I relapsed there was always an overnight stay at the hospital involved. This is the rest of your life we are talking about! Please do whatever it takes.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Sounds like you drink because you're an alcoholic, but you will need to decide that on your own. I'm wondering if you are attempting to quit by using the same method over and over. Have you seen an addictions counselor, gone to inpatient treatment, attended AA meetings or tried anything other approaches?
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome to SR dcafe1 nice to meet you
Definatly join class of december
you might want to join SR's 24h thread its very awesome and full of awesome ppl
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-30-a.html
Definatly join class of december
you might want to join SR's 24h thread its very awesome and full of awesome ppl
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-30-a.html
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
What have you tried besides Antabuse? Lots of good suggestions here, I would add that Antabuse really does nothing other than make you sick if you drink. It doesn't fix any of the underlying issues or solve your addiction. That's where AA, NA, rehab, detox, counceling, or any of the self paced methods come in.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Hi dcafe - I'm so glad you joined us.
I drank for almost 30 yrs. It was once fun, and helped calm my nerves. I never dreamed it would take over my life and rule my world. It happened slowly, over time - and one day I was completely dependent on it. I was drinking all day and couldn't see a way out. When I found SR I realized I wasn't alone - and that meant everything to me. Talking things over here helped me find the courage to let go of it. It felt wonderful to get free. It took me a few tries, but I finally got my life back - for good. You can do it too. Stay with us.
I drank for almost 30 yrs. It was once fun, and helped calm my nerves. I never dreamed it would take over my life and rule my world. It happened slowly, over time - and one day I was completely dependent on it. I was drinking all day and couldn't see a way out. When I found SR I realized I wasn't alone - and that meant everything to me. Talking things over here helped me find the courage to let go of it. It felt wonderful to get free. It took me a few tries, but I finally got my life back - for good. You can do it too. Stay with us.
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