What was (is) your go-to tool to stay sober?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
What was (is) your go-to tool to stay sober?
I have read many posts about how people used this or that to get and stay sober. So I thought a comprehensive thread about it here might be useful, esp with the holidays upon us. One thread where someone new could quickly read thru the posts and not have to ferret info out of multiple places.
My tool is coming on SR and trying not to get too tired because I tend to let my defenses down when too tired.
And you???
My tool is coming on SR and trying not to get too tired because I tend to let my defenses down when too tired.
And you???
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi AF 
For me #1 also coming to SR multiple times daily (I still do most days) to read, post, and make connections with people. I read many recovery-oriented books and articles. Restructuring my life and setting more routines. Trying to eat well. Long walks initially, later other forms of exercise (like running and yoga). I took up meditation again. Forcing myself to get out of the house also when I would not want, which became a natural pleasure with time (my style of drinking life involved lots of isolation). I also planned my days and even weeks ahead of time, even simple things like going to see a movie or a necessary shopping trip. Got into therapy. Decided to start setting up healthier boundaries with people so that everyone could have a reasonable dose of me but not cling on me long. I made some new friends via some of my interests that I started cultivating again. I started organizing my work and the work of the people who depend on me in a more structured, more efficient way (this took a little while to stabilize since I was so out of it during my last year of drinking).
So basically, it's been a process of both trying to get healthy and starting to build (in part, re-build) a lifestyle that includes many rewarding activities and elements that I know will make me stick to it. The idea is that by creating such a life for myself, I will reach a point when any desire to drink or live self-destructively will just fall away in comparison. I did have some experience with this from my past since I did sort of "reinvent" myself a few times before (not drinking-related), but of course each of these processes are unique in their own way and time. And it's always a work in progress.
For me #1 also coming to SR multiple times daily (I still do most days) to read, post, and make connections with people. I read many recovery-oriented books and articles. Restructuring my life and setting more routines. Trying to eat well. Long walks initially, later other forms of exercise (like running and yoga). I took up meditation again. Forcing myself to get out of the house also when I would not want, which became a natural pleasure with time (my style of drinking life involved lots of isolation). I also planned my days and even weeks ahead of time, even simple things like going to see a movie or a necessary shopping trip. Got into therapy. Decided to start setting up healthier boundaries with people so that everyone could have a reasonable dose of me but not cling on me long. I made some new friends via some of my interests that I started cultivating again. I started organizing my work and the work of the people who depend on me in a more structured, more efficient way (this took a little while to stabilize since I was so out of it during my last year of drinking).
So basically, it's been a process of both trying to get healthy and starting to build (in part, re-build) a lifestyle that includes many rewarding activities and elements that I know will make me stick to it. The idea is that by creating such a life for myself, I will reach a point when any desire to drink or live self-destructively will just fall away in comparison. I did have some experience with this from my past since I did sort of "reinvent" myself a few times before (not drinking-related), but of course each of these processes are unique in their own way and time. And it's always a work in progress.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Playing the tape all the way through really helps me. Helps remind me that any benefit or enjoyment I think drinking would bring me is false and a lie.
Oh, and something I heard Dee say helps me, too: any period of abstinence does not lead to control.
Happy sober holidays everyone!
Onward!
Oh, and something I heard Dee say helps me, too: any period of abstinence does not lead to control.
Happy sober holidays everyone!
Onward!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
For me, I have used several tools to stay sober, but it really depends on the context and what is going on for me emotionally.
One of the things I have probably brought up elsewhere, is acknowledging my emotions when I am feeling cravings. Like I've put on other boards, if I am feeling cravings, I will mentally state to myself, "I want to drink today because......". This is sometimes challenging since I have to identify where these emotions are coming from and what is triggering me to drink. Once I can identify the emotions and the reason I want to drink, it usually ends up sounding ridiculous to where it usually makes me smile and I don't want to drink.
Another key tool, which was brought up on the SR chat meeting, was realizing what you can and can't do to change certain situations. Sometimes you have to realize the situation has occurred and the outcome cannot be changed. This has always been a big trigger for me, so just asking whether there is anything I can do to change the situation currently is always very powerful since many times the answer is no for me.
On a further note, I am pretty sure it was Opivotal was saying that sometimes all you can do is keep your side of the street clean. You can make amends, but then you have to leave it up to the other person. So when it comes to family situations, sometimes there is only so much you can do. The outcome has already occurred, all you can do is move forward and try to make yourself the best you can be.
Being on SR has been an amazing tool for me. I am accountable to others, I have meetings I can go to, feel like I have a support system here with amazing people, and I can learn from others. There have been times where I had no idea what to do, I posted a thread, and within minutes, I had advice coming in. The SR chat meetings have been a wonderful place for me to learn new tools and to learn from others. I always get so much out of each meeting, so I would encourage attending these meetings.
I would also bring up that it is critical to make a plan when the cravings hit and when I was vulnerable, esp when I was under 2 weeks. The first 2 weeks were extremely hard for me to where sometimes if I could just keep myself distracted, I could get through it.
Lastly, I have one secret weapon with my AV when drinking begins to seem appealing. I will think of one particular thing that I attribute to being lost due to drinking. Just thinking about this one situation makes any thoughts of alcohol being wonderful disappear instantly.
I would also add that exercising is helpful when feeling frustrated, like others have mentioned.
One of the things I have probably brought up elsewhere, is acknowledging my emotions when I am feeling cravings. Like I've put on other boards, if I am feeling cravings, I will mentally state to myself, "I want to drink today because......". This is sometimes challenging since I have to identify where these emotions are coming from and what is triggering me to drink. Once I can identify the emotions and the reason I want to drink, it usually ends up sounding ridiculous to where it usually makes me smile and I don't want to drink.
Another key tool, which was brought up on the SR chat meeting, was realizing what you can and can't do to change certain situations. Sometimes you have to realize the situation has occurred and the outcome cannot be changed. This has always been a big trigger for me, so just asking whether there is anything I can do to change the situation currently is always very powerful since many times the answer is no for me.
On a further note, I am pretty sure it was Opivotal was saying that sometimes all you can do is keep your side of the street clean. You can make amends, but then you have to leave it up to the other person. So when it comes to family situations, sometimes there is only so much you can do. The outcome has already occurred, all you can do is move forward and try to make yourself the best you can be.
Being on SR has been an amazing tool for me. I am accountable to others, I have meetings I can go to, feel like I have a support system here with amazing people, and I can learn from others. There have been times where I had no idea what to do, I posted a thread, and within minutes, I had advice coming in. The SR chat meetings have been a wonderful place for me to learn new tools and to learn from others. I always get so much out of each meeting, so I would encourage attending these meetings.
I would also bring up that it is critical to make a plan when the cravings hit and when I was vulnerable, esp when I was under 2 weeks. The first 2 weeks were extremely hard for me to where sometimes if I could just keep myself distracted, I could get through it.
Lastly, I have one secret weapon with my AV when drinking begins to seem appealing. I will think of one particular thing that I attribute to being lost due to drinking. Just thinking about this one situation makes any thoughts of alcohol being wonderful disappear instantly.
I would also add that exercising is helpful when feeling frustrated, like others have mentioned.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
Thinking the drink through is my biggest go to. I sit with my thoughts, try to be really honest with myself, and think it all the way through to the bitter end, not just the moment of drinking, but the next day, the next week, the next month. Asking myself, what will really happen if I try to handle just a few or if I just give up and go for the all out binge? Where will I be, what will it get me? I know the honest answer to that...hangovers, intense cravings, hiding my drinking again, anxiety, extreme disappointment and eventually just having to quit again. Accepting that no amount of time will change that. That exercise usually puts me back into a place of being grateful for my sobriety and stops the AV in its tracks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
It's not my only tool of course, but it hasn't been mentioned and it's a biggie for me, I've realized. Nine times out of ten, when a craving hits I'm hungry (my sugar is low). And nine times out of ten, if I eat something, the craving goes away. It's easier said than done at times and the trick is to recognize it and not let your addiction convince you that you need alcohol, not food.
But I literally feel a switch in my brain and my thinking once I eat something. Alcohol is just not as appealing on a full stomach to me.
So, trying to find healthy foods that do the trick since I also want to lose weight is what I am working on.
And, of course, exercise works wonders as well.
But I literally feel a switch in my brain and my thinking once I eat something. Alcohol is just not as appealing on a full stomach to me.
So, trying to find healthy foods that do the trick since I also want to lose weight is what I am working on.
And, of course, exercise works wonders as well.
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I am going to stick with what others have said... I stop and read SR. It does two things. When I insert any time between thought and action I can look to the end result and make better choices. And when I read about the misery drinking causes I remember my own self-induced misery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: DFW area, Texas
Posts: 521
I like to come to SR! Also, take naps (my brain is still in recovery mode, especially with the anxiety), go for walks, hang out with friends and family, exercise, take walks in the park, listen to music.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
I was at a christmas party last nite with lots of booze, maybe 50% of the people were drinking. I was amazed that i didn't have any cravings to drink at all. When i talk with people at parties, i focus intently, really listen, staying focused on what i'm doing. When i was active, i'd talk but my real intent was getting a buzz on, so i wasn't very focused. When i see people pour a second drink, i think how much anxiety i'd feel the next day after drinking. OMG, the horrible horrible feeling the next day would bring.
I also think that alcohol is the wrong medication for me, it makes my life much worse. And i think "If they had heroin at this party, would i shoot up? No. So think of alcohol as heroin, it's just not an option."
And the arguments that usually ensue after the initial buzz wears off and leaves the person looking haggard and irritable. I got there about 6.30pm, and by 10pm, the party was raging with kareoke and such, and i got what i wanted out of the party, so i left and let them carry on to the part of the party they really enjoy.
I also think that alcohol is the wrong medication for me, it makes my life much worse. And i think "If they had heroin at this party, would i shoot up? No. So think of alcohol as heroin, it's just not an option."
And the arguments that usually ensue after the initial buzz wears off and leaves the person looking haggard and irritable. I got there about 6.30pm, and by 10pm, the party was raging with kareoke and such, and i got what i wanted out of the party, so i left and let them carry on to the part of the party they really enjoy.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
Originally Posted by ForMeForThem 
Thinking the drink through is my biggest go to. I sit with my thoughts, try to be really honest with myself, and think it all the way through to the bitter end, not just the moment of drinking, but the next day, the next week, the next month. Asking myself, what will really happen if I try to handle just a few or if I just give up and go for the all out binge? Where will I be, what will it get me? I know the honest answer to that...hangovers, intense cravings, hiding my drinking again, anxiety, extreme disappointment and eventually just having to quit again. Accepting that no amount of time will change that. That exercise usually puts me back into a place of being grateful for my sobriety and stops the AV in its tracks.
I like these all! I need to do think it through next time. What that first one leads to in the days and weeks ahead . Great post
I can do all things through he who strengthens me
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