I'm I going insane......living with a dry drunk is driving me crazy!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northwoods, WI
Posts: 2
I'm I going insane......living with a dry drunk is driving me crazy!!
Hello,
My fiancée is finally out of prison, where he completed a program He was gone for 2 years, and I waited, I was promised things would be different. Before his incarceration we would drink together frequently, me socially, him on the other hand...hummm. I can't even describe the many black outs, the terrible fights, etc. I choose to stop drinking on December 4, 2013. I wanted a clean and sober life for the both of us. He was released in August this year, at first he seemed very happy and content. However, that soon had changed. He has become distant, irritable, controlling and not to mention he doesn't want anything to do with me intimately. A good friend of mine is a recovering addict, sober 20 years, an active NA member. I have discussed these things w/him, because I had no clue what was wrong. That was he first time I heard the expression "dry drunk". I have tried to understand, I have tried talking, now I stay silent because I don't want to escalate the situation further. I don't want to be the cause of a relapse.
I feel lonely, I feel unwanted and unloved........will this ever end??? Any help in making me understand his disease would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
My fiancée is finally out of prison, where he completed a program He was gone for 2 years, and I waited, I was promised things would be different. Before his incarceration we would drink together frequently, me socially, him on the other hand...hummm. I can't even describe the many black outs, the terrible fights, etc. I choose to stop drinking on December 4, 2013. I wanted a clean and sober life for the both of us. He was released in August this year, at first he seemed very happy and content. However, that soon had changed. He has become distant, irritable, controlling and not to mention he doesn't want anything to do with me intimately. A good friend of mine is a recovering addict, sober 20 years, an active NA member. I have discussed these things w/him, because I had no clue what was wrong. That was he first time I heard the expression "dry drunk". I have tried to understand, I have tried talking, now I stay silent because I don't want to escalate the situation further. I don't want to be the cause of a relapse.
I feel lonely, I feel unwanted and unloved........will this ever end??? Any help in making me understand his disease would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Be grateful that you are not married and run for the hills. I'm very sorry to say this but you can't do anything for him. It has to be his choice. There's a family and friends forum that might be more useful for you. I wish you the best and I hope that you make your life what you want it to be!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: corry, pa
Posts: 55
I feel really bad for your situation. I have been with a abf for 8 years now. been thru the dry drunk, detox 8 times and rehab twice. I have had the same feelings as you and it's very hard not to think it is you. But like tomsteve said you don't have the power to cause a relapse. If it is going to happen it will happen with or without you. You need to take care of yourself and not take things personally. Because of his behavior he is miserable and he wants you to feel miserable to. I've finally learned to not take it personally and when I start to get down on myself to talk to my family and friends, because I know there is nothing I can do to change him. But I can change how I feel.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
to SR Wendycty.Tomsteve is absolutely correct. You waited for 2 years hoping for an happily ever after which did not materialize and it is time for you to start working on what you can control which is you
When it comes to our loved ones alcoholism, it is good to remember the 3 Cs:
We did not Cause it
We cannot Control it
We cannot Cure it.
You are always welcome to post in this section but I would like to suggest you also visit the friends and family side of SR
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You will find a lot of support there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northwoods, WI
Posts: 2
Thank you, trying to understand his disease is difficult. I keep trying to tell myself "snap out of it", I'm usually head strong.....but I have seem to hit a brick wall. I love him dearly
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
We understand you love him but you need to love yourself more. This is your only life and I don't like hearing that you are feeling down. It's not your fault and you shouldn't feel any obligation. You set boundaries and he hasn't met them. He will keep doing to you what you let him do to you...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by wndycty101 
Thank you, trying to understand his disease is difficult. I keep trying to tell myself "snap out of it", I'm usually head strong.....but I have seem to hit a brick wall. I love him dearly
You can waste a lot of time trying to understand or you can accept. You can accept and stay in a dysfunctional relationship if you want but from personal experience it didn't do me any good. Nothing but a bunch of mental mayhem.
Then there were the relationships before I got sober.
Best move every woman I was in a relationship with did was to dump me. It was the best move for both them and me. By them continueing to stay in the relationship they were enabling me to continue the sick behavior and also they were going down with me.
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