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Old 12-19-2014, 09:25 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question about working others...


Hi Guys.

So i'm 78 days sober today...And I've put in considerable effort to get here...I've got a sponsor i'm working my way through the steps with him.
I'm attending an aftercare/recovery session every Thursday...As well as an AA meeting every Wednesday. I also go to AA on Friday every 2nd week.

Question is this...My sponsor has told me that i should start going to meetings/talking with other members of AA.

He's given me the number of a person relatively new to the AA group i go to every week. He said i should call him and make a point to attend/meet up and go to a meeting with him.

Which i'm fine with...Working with others...Helping out...It's service i get it.
What concerns me is this individual showed up reeking of booze last week to our AA meeting. Don't get me wrong i'm glad he was there because i was guilty of that a couple of times too. No judgment from me!

I've got a routine that's working for me now...IF i start going to meetings with this person but he's drunk...or been drinking etc...Well that's NOT going to be beneficial for me. I'm sorry if that sounds selfish...But i'm looking to protect myself here.

I'm going to think about it some...And i think i'll go to a few meetings where this individual attends but i don't go WITH him to see how he's doing.
Don't know...but i get some warning bells going off from this...Wanted to get everyone's feedback/input on this.

78 days strong today. I'm not drinking TODAY.

Thanks for reading.

Findingtheway
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Old 12-19-2014, 09:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Can you tell your sponsor why you don't want to go with him? I'm not sure of the etiquette of 'telling on' others.

Congratulations BTW, and I agree that hanging around with an active drinker is not the way to go.
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Old 12-19-2014, 09:31 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Keep yourself sober. Working with others works, but only when our own foundation is firm. Tell your sponsor to help that guy out.
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Old 12-19-2014, 09:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm not an AA person, but I strongly believe 'you' know what is right for you. And, you know this situation is not right for you.

Congratulations on 78 days sober.
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Old 12-19-2014, 09:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
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In my opinion sobriety should come first and protecting it. Trust your guts, and if you feel this person is risky for you then maybe you should just avoid them. Tell your sponsor you want to discuss with someone who is committed to sobriety, as you're still in early recovery and these individuals may jeopardize your own recovery, when you're still below 3 months and so.

If they don't understand get a new sponsor. Just my opinion.
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Old 12-19-2014, 10:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I think that you don't feel comfortable and you are not ready and less with this guy so go with your gut. It's NOT selfish to advocate for oneself!

You are doing great!
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Old 12-19-2014, 10:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I agree with what's been said, always listen to that little voice that tells you what is best for you. It will never lead you astray.

There are plenty of people with longer sobriety who can help this guy. I would be friendly at meetings, but not see him outside of that environment.
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Old 12-19-2014, 10:54 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Do not put anyone or anything before your sobriety well done on 78 days bro

Dont feel bad your still working on you and your doing fantastic
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Old 12-19-2014, 01:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
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At the end of the day, do you think helping others in this way will be rewarding and help your sobriety, or just bring you down and threaten your new routine/lifestyle?

I certainly wouldn't do it. I'm at the same point as you, I remember when we were in week 1. And for me it's too early for that kind of responsibility.

Keep going man, your sobriety comes first!
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Old 12-19-2014, 01:41 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I am nearly 11 months sober but I still would not feel comfortable hanging out with an active alcoholic privately, especially people who are not doing much to work on their sobriety and are not honest. Not in AA, but I tried to help others this way earlier, and it wasn't good for me. 78 days is great and I know you worked hard to get here -- I think it's only wise to be mindful of the types of challenges we take on willingly. It's not selfish.
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Old 12-19-2014, 01:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
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You may wish to read "Working with others" in the BB for more insight
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Old 12-19-2014, 08:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
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You need to do what's right for YOU. If getting together with this individual makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it. And if you have a routine that's working for you, then that's awesome. Keep at it.

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Old 12-19-2014, 09:40 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Great job on 78 days!!!
That's terrific!!!
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Old 12-19-2014, 10:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Believe in yourself! Going to AA meetings at 78 days sober with someone reaking of booze doesn't sound good. I only have 33 days but speaking for myself I would find that difficult and depressing.
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Old 12-20-2014, 06:35 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I would be careful with this situation. Not slamming AA but a new member who is drunk, who you don't know, could be dangerous. Not everyone in AA is there because they want to be either-some are court ordered. Is he always drunk at AA? Is there someone with more sobriety who is better equiped to help him? You need to protect your sobriety-78 days is still early recovery. You could meet him at a meeting but not sure I would meet before or drive him to the meeting.

Just my thoughts.
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Old 12-20-2014, 06:52 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I was waiting on my friend from AA to come over and she didn't show up. A bit later she called to tell me that her sponsor told her not to come because I was a trigger for her. I had no idea how or why I was a trigger. But I didn't hear from or see her in a long while.. . . until she came back to meetings on day 1. It bothered me to think I was possibly a trigger that caused it. She had several more day 1s after that, but it doing well now at 2 years.

At first it hurt to think someone could see me as a trigger, but in hindsight I applaud her. She was struggling and trying. Also in hindsight, I can see I've done the same thing. . .even with my best friend. She drinks. It doesn't bother me till she picks up a 3rd or 4th, then I'm gone.

You HAVE to protect yourself first, or else there is no YOU to help others.
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