Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 13
Struggling
Well where to start.
I have been binge drinking for about 25 years, I am in my early 40's. Started off using alcohol in social situations as I was short of self-confidence..but over time it got more and more habitual. I reckon I'm drinking 6 nights a week at the moment. Usually to get drunk. Sometimes it's worse than others. This last 12 months has been particularly bad. I've had a lot of stress mainly with work, and have been using alcohol to try to relieve that. But of course, it doesn't work and only make me feel far worse.
I am about 25kg overweight I would say, but the frequency of my drinking makes it impossible to stick to a regular exercise routine or watch my diet.
I feel like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of bingeing, anxiety and regret.
Worst of all, I lie to my wife about how much I've had. And dispose of empty bottles so she won't notice.
Last night I drank 7 beers and a bottle and a half of wine in 3 hours while I was supposed to be looking after my son. I didn't set out to do it. But I suppose with Xmas around the corner I am in party mode, and one drink started the snowball. That is appalling parenting and makes me very distressed that I did it, considering I grew up in a house just like that. I swore I wouldn't subject my own son to that but here I am, exactly the same. My wife is almost at the end of the road, so I need to do something drastic.
I have been here in this wretched position a number of times and while I might clean my act up for a little while, it doesn't last. It is very clear to me that total abstinence is the only thing that will work for me. But the idea of that fills me with dread. How will I have fun? How will I be able to talk to people? How will I relax?
Then there's the shame side of it. I don't want anyone to know that I turned into my mother.
If anyone has similar stories it would help me to hear them. I am scared ******** to be honest. Today is the 1st day of my 2 week holiday. I should be feeling great, instead I just feel so sad
I have been binge drinking for about 25 years, I am in my early 40's. Started off using alcohol in social situations as I was short of self-confidence..but over time it got more and more habitual. I reckon I'm drinking 6 nights a week at the moment. Usually to get drunk. Sometimes it's worse than others. This last 12 months has been particularly bad. I've had a lot of stress mainly with work, and have been using alcohol to try to relieve that. But of course, it doesn't work and only make me feel far worse.
I am about 25kg overweight I would say, but the frequency of my drinking makes it impossible to stick to a regular exercise routine or watch my diet.
I feel like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of bingeing, anxiety and regret.
Worst of all, I lie to my wife about how much I've had. And dispose of empty bottles so she won't notice.
Last night I drank 7 beers and a bottle and a half of wine in 3 hours while I was supposed to be looking after my son. I didn't set out to do it. But I suppose with Xmas around the corner I am in party mode, and one drink started the snowball. That is appalling parenting and makes me very distressed that I did it, considering I grew up in a house just like that. I swore I wouldn't subject my own son to that but here I am, exactly the same. My wife is almost at the end of the road, so I need to do something drastic.
I have been here in this wretched position a number of times and while I might clean my act up for a little while, it doesn't last. It is very clear to me that total abstinence is the only thing that will work for me. But the idea of that fills me with dread. How will I have fun? How will I be able to talk to people? How will I relax?
Then there's the shame side of it. I don't want anyone to know that I turned into my mother.
If anyone has similar stories it would help me to hear them. I am scared ******** to be honest. Today is the 1st day of my 2 week holiday. I should be feeling great, instead I just feel so sad
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome to SR Champ you can read & print this off to keep http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
Nice to meet you
Nice to meet you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome Champ.
I am around the same age as you at 40. I had a similar experience with the bottle. Was raised in an Alcoholic home. It started out like most of us as a fun activity to do.
But unfortunately Alcoholism (not saying you are because only you can) is a progressive addiction. I woke up in 2012, thinking what is wrong with me?
Were did the years go? How do I fix this?
To be honest, sobriety is not easy as per say. But man, it's an interesting road. It's also extremely liberating and gratifying. Like coming out of a glass prison, created by our doing.
Now you need an arsenal and support to win this war. Options are, but not limited to, AA, AVRT (Secular section) Smart recovery groups, etc.
And some only need SR and have succeeded.
Step 1, admit something is wrong, done
Step 2, be honest with your wife, she could be a great support you know
Step 3, detox safely, get rid of the booze in your house
Step 4, live life, work on your inner daemons, introspect, and do NOT think one drink will be fine. A pickle cannot revert back to a cucumber my friend.
Sorry this is long, others will add what I missed, good luck
I am around the same age as you at 40. I had a similar experience with the bottle. Was raised in an Alcoholic home. It started out like most of us as a fun activity to do.
But unfortunately Alcoholism (not saying you are because only you can) is a progressive addiction. I woke up in 2012, thinking what is wrong with me?
Were did the years go? How do I fix this?
To be honest, sobriety is not easy as per say. But man, it's an interesting road. It's also extremely liberating and gratifying. Like coming out of a glass prison, created by our doing.
Now you need an arsenal and support to win this war. Options are, but not limited to, AA, AVRT (Secular section) Smart recovery groups, etc.
And some only need SR and have succeeded.
Step 1, admit something is wrong, done
Step 2, be honest with your wife, she could be a great support you know
Step 3, detox safely, get rid of the booze in your house
Step 4, live life, work on your inner daemons, introspect, and do NOT think one drink will be fine. A pickle cannot revert back to a cucumber my friend.
Sorry this is long, others will add what I missed, good luck
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome to the real world.
As stated getting sober is not easy but very doable.
I/we need to become honest with ourself about our drinking and accept we cannot drink alcohol in safety. It’s that simple but as stated not always easy.
There are many ways to accomplish this and a detox and rehab may ease people into staying sober.
I and many millions opted for the most successful program which is AA. AA and the others work when we work the programs every day without going back to our own ways.
Most programs promote that we don’t drink one day at a time in a row and if we don’t drink we don’t have to try to get sober again.
The program of AA, which some think is religious and is not, is 12 steps which we practice for continued sobriety, not a temporary fix. Yes it’s work that gets much easier and is certainly worth the effort. Reading posts in this forum are also very helpful in seeing how to successfully stop drinking and also the failures.
BE WELL
As stated getting sober is not easy but very doable.
I/we need to become honest with ourself about our drinking and accept we cannot drink alcohol in safety. It’s that simple but as stated not always easy.
There are many ways to accomplish this and a detox and rehab may ease people into staying sober.
I and many millions opted for the most successful program which is AA. AA and the others work when we work the programs every day without going back to our own ways.
Most programs promote that we don’t drink one day at a time in a row and if we don’t drink we don’t have to try to get sober again.
The program of AA, which some think is religious and is not, is 12 steps which we practice for continued sobriety, not a temporary fix. Yes it’s work that gets much easier and is certainly worth the effort. Reading posts in this forum are also very helpful in seeing how to successfully stop drinking and also the failures.
BE WELL
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Welcome Champ 
Good to have you with us.
Start today, my friend,. because tomorrow never comes.
Read around and you' ll find that all of us are similar to you in one way or another. Your fears about sobriety are common.
You' ll also find tons of support,understanding and info here.
Good to have you with us.
Start today, my friend,. because tomorrow never comes.
Read around and you' ll find that all of us are similar to you in one way or another. Your fears about sobriety are common.
You' ll also find tons of support,understanding and info here.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Apache Junction, AZ
Posts: 111
Wow I read that and it sounded like me 8 months ago. I know exactly where you are at because I was there. The good news is, while there are many things we can't change in life, there is one we absolutely can change. And that is choosing to whether or not to drink, each day.
As a 46 year old I can tell you from experience that when we hit middle age everything changes. Eating and drinking to excess suddenly creates real, physical consequences like obesity, liver disease, heart disease, diabetes, even mental illness. In addition we can lose friendships, the love of our family, and the respect of our colleagues. And at a time when we are making more money than ever before as adults, we can flush it all away without realizing we might need some of that cash in 20 years. I'm not trying to sound scary, it's just the truth.
You have 2 weeks off. It's the holidays. If you quit drinking now, and stay sober that whole time, it will be the best Christmas you and your family have had in a long time. I promise. The great thing is you don't have to go to work, which means if you're having trouble sleeping the first few days, it's no big deal.
As a 46 year old I can tell you from experience that when we hit middle age everything changes. Eating and drinking to excess suddenly creates real, physical consequences like obesity, liver disease, heart disease, diabetes, even mental illness. In addition we can lose friendships, the love of our family, and the respect of our colleagues. And at a time when we are making more money than ever before as adults, we can flush it all away without realizing we might need some of that cash in 20 years. I'm not trying to sound scary, it's just the truth.
You have 2 weeks off. It's the holidays. If you quit drinking now, and stay sober that whole time, it will be the best Christmas you and your family have had in a long time. I promise. The great thing is you don't have to go to work, which means if you're having trouble sleeping the first few days, it's no big deal.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 13
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. This is day 2 I suppose. I thought about waiting until after the holidays, but if I did that I'll go back to work still stressed out. This way I'll be 2 weeks off the lash when I go back, relaxed. It will probably sound corny but I do feel unburdened just from making the decision to stop drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Welcome Champ
I think most folks here will identify with your story, especially the endless cycle of bingeing, anxiety and regret.
I was in that cycle for 20 years or so. Getting out of that was the best thing I ever did.
SR really helped me - there's a lot of support and accumulated wisdom here
It's never too late to start Chapter 2
D
I think most folks here will identify with your story, especially the endless cycle of bingeing, anxiety and regret.
I was in that cycle for 20 years or so. Getting out of that was the best thing I ever did.
SR really helped me - there's a lot of support and accumulated wisdom here
It's never too late to start Chapter 2
D
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Dee nailed it, same story, different guy.
I'm a 72 model myself
Action is key.
If I could have just changed my mind and stopped drinking.... I would have done it years ago.
Failure to plan.... Plan for failure.
I'm active in AA myself and that's been a God send for me, but, as already mentioned, it's not the only game in town.
But whatever you do.... Do something.
Best of luck with your sobriety
I'm a 72 model myself
Action is key.
If I could have just changed my mind and stopped drinking.... I would have done it years ago.
Failure to plan.... Plan for failure.
I'm active in AA myself and that's been a God send for me, but, as already mentioned, it's not the only game in town.
But whatever you do.... Do something.
Best of luck with your sobriety
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TN
Posts: 365
I can share what worked for me. I have been drinking abusively since age 13. Got alcohol from older friends who didn't know better. I have tried to quit over the years and one time I made it a whole year. Now I'm coming up on 17 months and I decided this time to make a conscious decision that I am not going to drink anymore. It sounds like it's easy but it's not. I had cravings the first month I still have some thoughts about drinking but I give myself the rehash of all the problems drinking has done to me and my longing for drink subsides rather quickly. All these times when I thought I had decided to not drink anymore I think deep down I never really wanted to do it. This time I decided that If I'm going to stay married and live a happy life I need to make a real decision to quit and take a look at how stupid and juvenile it is to sit at a bar every other night like a chained slave to the bottle. Make this a psychological and mental exercise. Forget thinking about what others do and keep thinking about all the things you can now do instead of wasting time and money on drink. Believe me, it's a societal bluff that we need to kill reality with drinking. It's like a mirage to think that drinking lead to anything productive or fun. Yes, there are people who can enjoy a drink or two and stop, there are people who can have more fun with alcohol but I say they are very few. There's a lot of so called normal drinkers that do it just out of habit. It really has no real purpose in life. If you can learn to just think of it as a waste of your time and life you are half way there in my opinion. I will say that this is my approach and might not apply to you. Everyone's different and all that matters is that you put that drink down and begin enjoying life again. I wish you the best and hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Hey man... some good advice there. Making an apt with your dr and being honest can really help as they would run some normal tests on you and possibly help you out with that depressed feeling.
Glad you are here and hang in there. Post as often as you like. Some good peeps here.
Glad you are here and hang in there. Post as often as you like. Some good peeps here.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Welcome Champ!
Me too - started the same way. Shy and self-conscious, a little drink really helped. That was 30 yrs. ago. I found myself completely dependent on it in the end - and it tore my life apart. This won't happen to you. Glad you see the light and want to make this important change. We will help.
Me too - started the same way. Shy and self-conscious, a little drink really helped. That was 30 yrs. ago. I found myself completely dependent on it in the end - and it tore my life apart. This won't happen to you. Glad you see the light and want to make this important change. We will help.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 169
Hey Champ, Welcome. You are in the right place & amongst a oot of people who have exact same story - just different names. I came here under same basic duress 48 days ago - was just absolutely disgusted with my binge- regret-recover and then a few days or so later - repeat the insanity. I came to understand I was an alcoholic and had simply lost the ability to control anything after each time I enjoyed that 1st drink. After joining here at SR, a few days later walked into a local AA meeting - and what a relief that was too. Welcome again. Hoppe to see you here more !! MJM
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
HI Champ,
Your story sounds very similiar to mine. That vicious cycle of hell! Horrible, isnt it? I originally got sober in 2008 after getting a DUI. I attended outpatient treatment, lots of AA meetings and worked the steps. It REALLY helped! That DUI scared me straight...for a while....
I was sober for 5.5 years. I stopped going to AA about halfway thru that 5.5 years. Everythng got so good and I forgot "what" I was...an alcoholic. Inevitably, I drank again in October of 2013 and after about a month or two I was right back where I was in 2008! Maybe worse. Thank God, I didnt get another DUI. This time I fell into a personal hell of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, shame and self hatred.
I also am married and have kids and hid my amount of drinking from my husband, missed important events with my kids etc. etc. That created more shame. Then I would drink because of the shame, anxiety, depression, self-hatred etc and around and around I would go...The cycle of hell!
Long story short...for several months I tried to get sober again. (I was out for 13 months was never a daily drinker. I was a binge bar drinker but definitely an alcoholic!). So I tried EVERYTHING to get sober again and nothing worked...UNTIL...I finally started going back to AA. I just couldn't find anything else that would work for me. I know others get sober other ways, but that's what works for me. I need people in my life (face to face and on the phone) that understand me.
So...I am on day 12 and feeling better. For me nothing changed until something changed. I had to take action! I had to move my feet and do something. Thinking about quitting never worked. I would always say "I will quit tomorrow". I finally got in enough pain and was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Have you tried AA? Things get better so quickly when you stop pouring the poison down your throat. You can do this! Prayers...
Your story sounds very similiar to mine. That vicious cycle of hell! Horrible, isnt it? I originally got sober in 2008 after getting a DUI. I attended outpatient treatment, lots of AA meetings and worked the steps. It REALLY helped! That DUI scared me straight...for a while....
I was sober for 5.5 years. I stopped going to AA about halfway thru that 5.5 years. Everythng got so good and I forgot "what" I was...an alcoholic. Inevitably, I drank again in October of 2013 and after about a month or two I was right back where I was in 2008! Maybe worse. Thank God, I didnt get another DUI. This time I fell into a personal hell of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, shame and self hatred.
I also am married and have kids and hid my amount of drinking from my husband, missed important events with my kids etc. etc. That created more shame. Then I would drink because of the shame, anxiety, depression, self-hatred etc and around and around I would go...The cycle of hell!
Long story short...for several months I tried to get sober again. (I was out for 13 months was never a daily drinker. I was a binge bar drinker but definitely an alcoholic!). So I tried EVERYTHING to get sober again and nothing worked...UNTIL...I finally started going back to AA. I just couldn't find anything else that would work for me. I know others get sober other ways, but that's what works for me. I need people in my life (face to face and on the phone) that understand me.
So...I am on day 12 and feeling better. For me nothing changed until something changed. I had to take action! I had to move my feet and do something. Thinking about quitting never worked. I would always say "I will quit tomorrow". I finally got in enough pain and was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Have you tried AA? Things get better so quickly when you stop pouring the poison down your throat. You can do this! Prayers...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by champ72 
It will probably sound corny but I do feel unburdened just from making the decision to stop drinking.
Welcome to the forum champ!
It's a wonderful resource of information and support. Read and post a lot, it really helps.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 13
Well day 1 and day 2 were ok, but day 3 what a bitch. I have had a great day sailing but in the evening being confined to a boat with not much to do was tough. Made me realise how much I drank just to deal with boredom. Thankfully there was no booze on the boat!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome, Champ72! Good to have you with us. My story is similar to yours. Let me just tell you that my fears of never having fun again were unfounded. Once you get a bit of sober time you begin to understand what a complete, total, epic, monumental waste it is to be drunk all the time. There are so many joys in the world that you are blind too while you're drinking all the time.
It takes time to adjust but don't worry- there is good life after booze.
It takes time to adjust but don't worry- there is good life after booze.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 13
Well today is Day 12 - I survived the Xmas break intact and wasn't too tempted. Things have been going pretty well, but today at about 6PM this wave of anxiety hit me hard. Not even sure what I was anxious about, I just felt like screaming. That was 3 hours ago, just starting to feel better now.
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