Struggling
No pity. No remorse. No fear
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 183
Hey Champ, welcome and congrats on Day 12. Your post really resonated with me, because apart from the kids, that's me, right down to the 25 kg overweight! I'm 48 and have struggled like you. For the anxiety in early sobriety (for me anyway) some sort of physical activity helped. I wouldn't advise running, but maybe a vigorous walk (unless you're in the US, Europe and snowbound), or gymwork, even some bodyweight stuff, like pushups, on your knees to start if you have to. I found this video pretty inspirational for someone overweight like me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Champ...
Absolutely everything you said was me. Except I don't have a son, I have daughters. And you left out my DUIs and my divorces and my other 'run ins' with the police over the years.
Everything else exactly the same. Oh.... Plus many many failed attempts at 'just drinking normally'.
I can so relate to the feeling of being caught in the cycle. The dread of 'never being able to drink again'. The how will I have fun... All of it.
I'm one year sober now and having more fun than ever. I'm happy and I'm free and I have genuine joy in my life. Some days I have challenges..... Some days I'm sad. Turns out; that's because I'm human and those are called 'life' and 'feelings' - we have them when we're drunk too... Difference is, in sobriety we can find joy even in sadness because we know gratitude.
Champ... You don't have to do this anymore. What I have learned is that I haven't 'given up' anything by choosing sobriety. Instead, I have made a choice that has gained me my life.
I am fit again. I have self respect again. I have self esteem again. I have sincerity and depth and feeling and love and joy and all of it, for once, is REAL. I don't suffer remorse or shame or despair or hangovers or declining health or break out in handcuffs anymore.
I know my daughters are safe and well cared for and will never see me drunk and that I will always be fully there for them.
My lady admires me. My family looks up to me. I am there for them and for my community. I am not a drunk, I am a good man. I am able to contribute to the flow of life. My bills are paid. I'm not dodging creditors. I'm saving money. I'm skiing with my daughters. I'm training for an ultra marathon.
Champ.... You're a Champ, not a chump. Champs don't need to pour poison down their throats to be someone.
I know exactly how scary and daunting it feels.... That is your addiction talking through. Stop listening to it and start acting.
In just a short time you will begin to see the light of the truth Life has to offer. In a much shorter time than you imagine - if you actively work on sobriety - you will begin to discover a life you have always imagined was possible.... A short time beyond that you will discover its far better than you ever dreamed.
All you have to do is choose that path, be willing to give it your all, and get support to do it.
There are many ways to do it but all of them mean action. Not planning, not 'pretty soon', not thinking about.... But choosing and doing. Now.
My way has been AA. It works. I didn't like it at first. It wasn't for me. Until it was. I opened my mind and my heart and I laid aside my resistance because I wanted to be the best man I could be and be free of that cursed cycle. I give it my all and it's working.
I also include individual counseling. Not for alcohol, but for parenting, for relationship work, for self development, for working cognitively on my anxiety and fears and issues from my own growing up with and alcoholic parent. And of course.... This place has been there for me all along and is a near-daily part of my foundation of sobriety.
Choosing sobriety doesn't mean 'I can't' it means 'I choose not to, because I choose LIFE'
Absolutely everything you said was me. Except I don't have a son, I have daughters. And you left out my DUIs and my divorces and my other 'run ins' with the police over the years.
Everything else exactly the same. Oh.... Plus many many failed attempts at 'just drinking normally'.
I can so relate to the feeling of being caught in the cycle. The dread of 'never being able to drink again'. The how will I have fun... All of it.
I'm one year sober now and having more fun than ever. I'm happy and I'm free and I have genuine joy in my life. Some days I have challenges..... Some days I'm sad. Turns out; that's because I'm human and those are called 'life' and 'feelings' - we have them when we're drunk too... Difference is, in sobriety we can find joy even in sadness because we know gratitude.
Champ... You don't have to do this anymore. What I have learned is that I haven't 'given up' anything by choosing sobriety. Instead, I have made a choice that has gained me my life.
I am fit again. I have self respect again. I have self esteem again. I have sincerity and depth and feeling and love and joy and all of it, for once, is REAL. I don't suffer remorse or shame or despair or hangovers or declining health or break out in handcuffs anymore.
I know my daughters are safe and well cared for and will never see me drunk and that I will always be fully there for them.
My lady admires me. My family looks up to me. I am there for them and for my community. I am not a drunk, I am a good man. I am able to contribute to the flow of life. My bills are paid. I'm not dodging creditors. I'm saving money. I'm skiing with my daughters. I'm training for an ultra marathon.
Champ.... You're a Champ, not a chump. Champs don't need to pour poison down their throats to be someone.
I know exactly how scary and daunting it feels.... That is your addiction talking through. Stop listening to it and start acting.
In just a short time you will begin to see the light of the truth Life has to offer. In a much shorter time than you imagine - if you actively work on sobriety - you will begin to discover a life you have always imagined was possible.... A short time beyond that you will discover its far better than you ever dreamed.
All you have to do is choose that path, be willing to give it your all, and get support to do it.
There are many ways to do it but all of them mean action. Not planning, not 'pretty soon', not thinking about.... But choosing and doing. Now.
My way has been AA. It works. I didn't like it at first. It wasn't for me. Until it was. I opened my mind and my heart and I laid aside my resistance because I wanted to be the best man I could be and be free of that cursed cycle. I give it my all and it's working.
I also include individual counseling. Not for alcohol, but for parenting, for relationship work, for self development, for working cognitively on my anxiety and fears and issues from my own growing up with and alcoholic parent. And of course.... This place has been there for me all along and is a near-daily part of my foundation of sobriety.
Choosing sobriety doesn't mean 'I can't' it means 'I choose not to, because I choose LIFE'
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by champ72 
How will I have fun? How will I be able to talk to people? How will I relax? Then there's the shame side of it. I don't want anyone to know that I turned into my mother. If anyone has similar stories it would help me to hear them. I am scared ******** to be honest. Today is the 1st day of my 2 week holiday. I should be feeling great, instead I just feel so sad
Honestly, drinking was NOT fun for me at the end. All I thought about was suicide. (And I have a husband, kids, house, cars, A LIFE that alcohol was trying to steal from me!) I was hopeless, anxious, depressed, full of shame and guilt...in hell!
I'm only 3+ weeks sober and I can honestly say it's "night and day" already! I am active in AA which is vital for me and SR is great too! The first week or so is the hardest but if you just don't drink no matter what....it gets easier!!!
If you feel you need detox, see your doctor. You may need help with that b/c it can be dangerous. I believe in you. If I can stay sober, anyone can! Treatment is another option that helps many! Outpatient is great too!
You're in my prayers! You CAN do this! You can change your life! You can be an amazing parent to your children! You can be happy. Alcohol will never make you happy again. It's only goal now is to kill you slowly...from the inside out. I watched one of my best friends die of this disease last year. She had 4 young children, a husband, she was successful, beautiful. Now she is dead. Watching her children at the funeral crying and asking for their mommy was heartbreaking! She was young! Now she's gone. :-(
I believe in you!!!!!! :-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Well, I guess I should have read all the way through your post! I even commented last week! Lol! I am soooo happy that you have 12 days away from this lethal disease! You are sober! You are changing your life! I'm happy for you! Yay! Keep up the great work!
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by champ72
Well today is Day 12 - I survived the Xmas break intact and wasn't too tempted. Things have been going pretty well, but today at about 6PM this wave of anxiety hit me hard. Not even sure what I was anxious about, I just felt like screaming. That was 3 hours ago, just starting to feel better now.
Things will get better, hang in there my friend.
I had some anxiety too in the early days, it eased off though. If there's anything that worries you at all, a visit to the doc can be reassuring.
You are doing great !
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 198
"I feel like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of bingeing, anxiety and regret". I know it may feel like an endless cycle, but trust me, it isn't. Many of us have managed to work through our urges and break that horrible cycle. Congrats on 12 days, that is huge! Keep up the good work!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 198
"I feel like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of bingeing, anxiety and regret". I know it may feel like an endless cycle, but trust me, it isn't. Many of us have managed to work through our urges and break that horrible cycle. Congrats on 12 days, that is huge! Keep up the good work!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by BernieE
Well done, champ! What are you filling your old drinking time with?
So far, I am not going to AA or planning on it - if things get difficult or I feel I need that support I will try it out. This forum is great, although I'm not posting that much, I am reading everyday and it's a big help. Things are going well, apart from the odd mood swing and anxiety..and for once I am feeling optimistic about the future.
Happy New Year everyone, and thanks to all for the messages of support....cheers
Recognising my AV
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
Well done Champ - xmas and new year ticked off already! What a great start!
Like many others, there are so many similarities with our stories - I lost count of the times I tried to moderate or stop drinking. In the last few years it was a daily event that inevitably failed.
I stopped drinking 2 months ago and experienced exactly the same fears about never having 'fun' again and periods of extreme mood swings, anger and frustration. I found posting here and receiving so much help, support and wisdom in reply to be invaluable. In the very early days I wanted to know that there would be a way through the misery and folk kept saying things like 'just don't drink, keep reading and posting and it will get better.'
Do you know what - they're so right. As FreeOwl so eloquently said - life still happens with all its ups and downs - but they're sober ups and downs and that makes al the difference.
Happy new year to you and yours and with each sober day, the fun will start rolling in for us all
Like many others, there are so many similarities with our stories - I lost count of the times I tried to moderate or stop drinking. In the last few years it was a daily event that inevitably failed.
I stopped drinking 2 months ago and experienced exactly the same fears about never having 'fun' again and periods of extreme mood swings, anger and frustration. I found posting here and receiving so much help, support and wisdom in reply to be invaluable. In the very early days I wanted to know that there would be a way through the misery and folk kept saying things like 'just don't drink, keep reading and posting and it will get better.'
Do you know what - they're so right. As FreeOwl so eloquently said - life still happens with all its ups and downs - but they're sober ups and downs and that makes al the difference.
Happy new year to you and yours and with each sober day, the fun will start rolling in for us all
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 269
Hi Champ, those feelings of anxiety are common part of recovery for some of us. It is your brain chemistry resetting itself. It takes time for your delicate brain balance to get back to its natural state after being bombarded by alcohol chemicals for so long.
Check out the articles on PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). There is great info on here and on the internet about PAWS. These symptoms will lessen over time, so sit through it knowing that they can not hurt you, only make you uncomfortable and antsy.
P.A.W.S. | What…Me Sober?
The Condition Many Recovering Addicts And Alcoholics Don't Know About
The freedom from the alcohol on the other side is so worth sitting through the uncomfortableness.
You can do this!!
Check out the articles on PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). There is great info on here and on the internet about PAWS. These symptoms will lessen over time, so sit through it knowing that they can not hurt you, only make you uncomfortable and antsy.
P.A.W.S. | What…Me Sober?
The Condition Many Recovering Addicts And Alcoholics Don't Know About
The freedom from the alcohol on the other side is so worth sitting through the uncomfortableness.
You can do this!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
