erin8

So there I was at work and everything was going great and out of nowhere I start that whole thing up where I run the same idea over and over in my head, getting angrier each time. I started contemplating revenge. .. I'll spare you the details but it was a long time ago (3 years ago this person wronged me.) Wouldn't you know my afternoon meeting was about resentments! ?

How do YOU deal with them?

Hope4Life

Pray for the person who hurt you.

Holding on to resentments like that will tear you up and is counterproductive to YOUR recovery.

bunnezjp

The people I resent are of absolutely no value or useful to me. Best to let go.

Bunnez

Midwest1981

Lately when I have negative thoughts and hang on to stupid stuff I just ask myself "what am I gaining from this?" And the answer is nothing. You gain nothing by holding on to that stuff. it only hurts you.

hope22

Its hard not to hold on to resentments when other people have wronged us. Letting go and forgiving someone is not always easy. While doing my fourth step I had to look at the situation, figure out why the situation really bothered me and look at what was my part. Praying for the other person also helped, it eventually took away the anger.

Dee74

I try very hard to put myself in their shoes...nine times out of ten there's a reason for someone acting a certain way.

D

awuh1

I don't know how to let some resentments go. I don't know how to accomplish this. It's not a matter of willing it away. I wish it was. The only thing that has ever helped me with strong resentments is to ask a power greater than myself to remove the resentment, and to be persistent in the request. It then happens on a timetable that is not my own.

That being said, I have had a few occasions where the results from doing this were nothing short of astonishing.

Alwyshope12

Forgiveness work can really help a lot. One of the key principles is that holding onto anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die. Once you learn to forgive and let go, it is liberating for you!

You should check out Jack Kornfield on YouTube. He is excellent. Also Frederic Luskin has a great book on forgiveness. If you search him on Amazon, it will come up.

Finally I will leave you with a short story of the two concentration camp survivors who were freed at the end of World War 2. One says to the other, "I will never forgive the Nazi's for what they did to us. I can not forget it." The second one responds, "Then you are still their prisioner".

Its not easy work, but it is worth it for your own benefit.

Briar

Isn't this the thing they say about taking poison and hoping the other person will die? I don't remember the exact quote. Somebody help me out here...

I struggle with this too. I can continue to work well professionally with people who wrong me, but I hold a nasty grudge for a very long time. I still feel hostile toward a supervisor I worked under like eight years ago. I've got a couple going currently that I need to work on. It really serves no purpose and just uses up mental resources that could be better used on positive things. Sorry I don't have better advice, but I totally get where you're coming from.

Dee74

I think it predates Carrie Fisher thoiugh

D

Soberwolf

If it happened 3 years ago i would accept its part of my past

hugs Erin

tomsteve

Would that afternoon meeting bean AA meeting? If so, there's a step( actually steps) that helped me with resentments.

MelindaFlowers

As others have said, YOU are the one suffering. Try to really objectify your thoughts and avoid this person when you can.

JanieJ

I practice at letting go of resentments. It doesn't come overnight.

I still have loads, but I watch for them and try to remember it's not personal -people have reasons for acting the way they do, and that reason usually isn't me.

I also pray that I can let them go, and that does help a lot, and if I can bear it I pray for that person too.

I meditate a lot and try to work on my own stuff rather than think about other people's behaviour.

Sounds like I'm all serene with it but I'm not, it's hard work, but work that will be worth it for my own sanity.

I still struggle with it, but I have tools to use, and that makes it easier.

ishallnotwant

Accept that other people may be sick too.

People don't do things "to me"; people just do things

KenL

I could not have said this better!

Forgiveness is so very important to the health of one's psycho-emotional constitution. The person who wronged you may never know you forgave them. That's ok. You don't need to tell that person anything. In your own mind and heart you will feel true relief if you have truly forgiven.

Fly N Buy

It seems anytime something pops up I am struggling with - Bingo! It's the topic of a meeting.......

Resentments are the number one killer of alcoholics, a luxury we can ill afford.

Keep coming back!

erin8

Thanks for all your replies. I really want to just lay this thing down. It's ruined my life for the last three years and I just keep carrying it around. I don't know what I get from it other than heartache and anger. .. my sponser says step 4 will help but she wants me to have 90 days before we start on it. Day 16 today.

sugarbear1

work the 12 steps, if you aren't there yet, the serenity prayer can help a little, pages 66-67 can also help

tomsteve

God
Grant me the serenity
To accept the people I cannot change
Courage to change the one I can
And wisdom to know that's me.