michael1111

I'm ok. Drunk. Tired. Still drinking but at a lower and lower pace. Now that I'm drunk and am evaluating it, it's not all that great. It never was. It just seemed like it was.

I'm confident that tomorrow will be my day 1. I'm done with this, excuse my French, ****.

Soberwolf

Well done Michael i really hope you stay close to SR from now on youl find a ton of support here... try and get some rest friend

Spk soon http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

SoberLeigh

yes!!!!!!

Nonsensical

How you doing today Michael? Still with us?

michael1111

I messed up. I really didn't want to but there was beer left and I was feeling so miserable. Since I don't have any money left, my excuse was to drink to suppress the hunger. I haven't eaten in days!

I'm angry with myself. And I feel powerless. I was supposed to start over today. Oh well, better get rid of that sober day I confidently put in yesterday.

I really need help. I can't do this on my own.

SoberLeigh

Pour it out, Michael. Pour out everything you have in the house.

Do you think that you might need a medically supervised detox?

Come on; let's start today.

Anna

Michael, I hope you make the choice to change your life today.

Anna

Michael, I hope you make the choice to change your life today.

michael1111

Anna. I want to. I want to so bad. I don't even know why I can't. If I can make it through just one day without drinking, that would be a breakthrough.

Also, I'm horrified of the withdrawals, I'm terrified they're dangerous. Even though I can go to an ER, even then it might go wrong. Maybe I need to make a plan that consists of drinking less and less over the next two months? I drink about 18 beers a day. What if I got that down to 12 in a month. 6 in the next month and then one for a few weeks to be sure?

SoberLeigh

I believe that your chances are exponentially better with a medically supervised detox than with a tapering schedule.

michael1111

I think I will need to look into that SoberLeigh, I need to find professional help.

I'll try one last time tomorrow though.

SoberLeigh

What are you eating, Michael?

michael1111

I'm not eating. I don't even have an appetite. The beer has my stomach all messed up.

I have some dry bread. That's it. But I just don't feel like eating.

michael1111

I'm not eating. I don't even have an appetite. The beer has my stomach all messed up.

I have some dry bread. That's it. But I just don't feel like eating.

SoberLeigh

Have you googled the food banks and soup kitchens in your area?

Thepatman

Hi Michael, I would listen to this if I were you. With no food in you for days, detox is dangerous to do alone.

And tapering, not recommended, it's pure agony and it takes an iron will.

Why not call a local detox Center or an inpatient? I guarantee you that a few weeks of sobriety, and you will be 5000% better physically and mentally.

You can do this

michael1111

@soberleigh, I have but I don't apply. My income is slightly too high. It's just that I spend it all on beer.

I think I just need to call my doctor. Health care is good over here and if you can't afford it, it's not a problem. But I don't want to. I'm terrified of doing that.

@thepatman Thank you. I need to get to the point of just picking up the phone and calling my dr. I think the hunger will eventually be worse than the fear.

God, how did I get myself into this mess? I really hate myself.

anattaboy

Hey Mike. I was exactly where you are 200 or so days ago. At least try to spread the doses and drink only with food (bread or anything) if you're trying to reduce till you get to the next step. Eventually I DID get 24 hrs. and it has been ON since for me. I drank a fifth and 3-4 steel reserves a day so it's possible to reduce from high to low in a week. Tapering did help me but I really really wanted it and had support and an environment to do it. I also had a plan. Best wishes on getting a plan for detoxing soon.

michael1111

Thank you anattaboy. I've decided to call my parents. 33 and looking for help from his parents... It feels wrong. On the other hand, I am sick. Alcoholism is a disease.

I'm nervous as one can be about it. But I need to do it. I just hope I can.

biminiblue

You can also call AA. They have a local phone number you can find online. Someone will help you and someone will talk with you and take you to meetings. If you need help - like you said you do - call them. It is free, and they've all been where you are.

It's worth a try, right? Even if you are drunk, call.