It's been enough
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Michael im calling BS big time here you CAN quit your choosing not to
Michael have you considered Rehab ?
Michael when i quit it was horrific every second i was changing my mind but my resolve remained i fought against a titanic urge to drink you can do this but it has to start with you choosing to we are here to support you
Time to break the chains
Michael have you considered Rehab ?
Michael when i quit it was horrific every second i was changing my mind but my resolve remained i fought against a titanic urge to drink you can do this but it has to start with you choosing to we are here to support you
Time to break the chains
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by michael1111 
How does one not give in to the compulsion to drink? It's a pure obsession.
Simple, but not easy. If it was easy there wouldn't be billions of dollars spent on treatment facilities, worldwide organizations like AA, or enormous self-help forums like Sober Recovery.
I knew how to NOT drink. What I didn't know was how to NOT WANT to drink. I have learned how to do that, but I had to be sober to do it. That meant I had to work through some uncomfortable times when I felt compelled to drink, but didn't.
In the end it's just a feeling that I didn't act on. I felt like I wanted to drink, but I didn't. In reality I do this every day, with many things, not just alcohol. I feel like throwing a stapler at my boss's head, but I don't. I feel like inviting the hot young assistant out for lunch, but I don't. I feel like kicking the crap out of my grocery cart when the wheels jam, but I don't. I feel like drinking, but I don't.
Finding other things to do helps with the obsessing. Animal shelters are always looking for volunteers. Puppies and kittens are therapeutic.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Originally Posted by michael1111
Yes, but I can't. I can't quit today. I don't know why, but I'm stuck in this obsessive thing where I HAVE to drink today and quit tomorrow or else I'll never be sober because I didn't give it closure. It's not rational, but feelings aren't rational. I know better but I just cannot fight it.
Yes.You.Can.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i was in your shoes when i had no money left for anything it took me 4 days to sober up enough to be able to go out and when i did i went to aa as i was scared big time as honestly didnt think i could ever sober up again after my last drinking
normaly i would feel a bit better the next day or a day after but not this last time i had drank so much that every time i went to sleep i woke up again took a just a sip of cider and was plastered again
on the 4th day i had some sort of sense in my head but i was still shaking and vomiting etc
i went to aa and they helped me
that was over 10 years ago and today i have a job i have my kids living with me i have so much now that i never ever thought was ever going to happen to me
but it takes work on your part, ditch the excuses of you can not do it and just take your body there the mind will follow
dont know how you managed to get money for drink again when you said you had none left and needed food but it shows me how cunning i once was as the drink was more important than food
infact i didnt eat at all hardly as nothing could stay down and the drink was feeding me
i hope you can drag yourself over to aa and i hope you meet people there like i met who really did take care of me in those early days
good luck to you
normaly i would feel a bit better the next day or a day after but not this last time i had drank so much that every time i went to sleep i woke up again took a just a sip of cider and was plastered again
on the 4th day i had some sort of sense in my head but i was still shaking and vomiting etc
i went to aa and they helped me
that was over 10 years ago and today i have a job i have my kids living with me i have so much now that i never ever thought was ever going to happen to me
but it takes work on your part, ditch the excuses of you can not do it and just take your body there the mind will follow
dont know how you managed to get money for drink again when you said you had none left and needed food but it shows me how cunning i once was as the drink was more important than food
infact i didnt eat at all hardly as nothing could stay down and the drink was feeding me
i hope you can drag yourself over to aa and i hope you meet people there like i met who really did take care of me in those early days
good luck to you
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by michael1111
I HAVE to drink today and quit tomorrow or else I'll never be sober because I didn't give it closure.
Your addiction no doubt agreed to this bargain and gave you some temporary relief from anxiety and obsession because you fed it some beer.
Problem is, it's all a lie. How many times have you given your drinking closure in the past? I gave mine dozens. Your addiction will never hold up its end of the deal, and it will never ever ever give you any lasting relief until you starve it.
My addiction is a liar and a thief. So is yours. It's stolen food from you 2 days in a row now. Stop letting it starve you. Starve it back.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 29
I appreciate all the help. I'm really starting from no experience regarding this and I'm being pointed in useful directions. Part of me says that I should be able to just quit. I quit smoking a decade ago and it was easy. Alcohol not so much.
You know, today I reversed payments on my health insurance and electricity bill to get beer. That's a problem. Something I don't care about now since I'm a bit drunk, but I know I will wake up sober tomorrow with the dreadful "Oh ****!" response.
I want out of this pattern. I want to be healthy. What if a loved one needs part of my liver I thought today. What am I doing to my loved ones to begin with? And what am I doing to myself. I want to get married and have kids, but I can't because of the beer.
It's incredible that I didn't realize I had a problem until recently! I must quit. I would give up a finger if that were the only way to stay sober. Literally, I mean it. If nothing works and they told me that if they took off one of my fingers I wouldn't have a problem with alcohol anymore, guaranteed, I would do it without hesitation.
I must quit. Maybe that's a thought I need to keep in mind for a while...
You know, today I reversed payments on my health insurance and electricity bill to get beer. That's a problem. Something I don't care about now since I'm a bit drunk, but I know I will wake up sober tomorrow with the dreadful "Oh ****!" response.
I want out of this pattern. I want to be healthy. What if a loved one needs part of my liver I thought today. What am I doing to my loved ones to begin with? And what am I doing to myself. I want to get married and have kids, but I can't because of the beer.
It's incredible that I didn't realize I had a problem until recently! I must quit. I would give up a finger if that were the only way to stay sober. Literally, I mean it. If nothing works and they told me that if they took off one of my fingers I wouldn't have a problem with alcohol anymore, guaranteed, I would do it without hesitation.
I must quit. Maybe that's a thought I need to keep in mind for a while...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
You have essentially made a deal with your addiction. I'll give you this one more day for closure, and then you'll behave tomorrow, right?
Your addiction no doubt agreed to this bargain and gave you some temporary relief from anxiety and obsession because you fed it some beer.
Problem is, it's all a lie. How many times have you given your drinking closure in the past? I gave mine dozens. Your addiction will never hold up its end of the deal, and it will never ever ever give you any lasting relief until you starve it.
My addiction is a liar and a thief. So is yours. It's stolen food from you 2 days in a row now. Stop letting it starve you. Starve it back.
Your addiction no doubt agreed to this bargain and gave you some temporary relief from anxiety and obsession because you fed it some beer.
Problem is, it's all a lie. How many times have you given your drinking closure in the past? I gave mine dozens. Your addiction will never hold up its end of the deal, and it will never ever ever give you any lasting relief until you starve it.
My addiction is a liar and a thief. So is yours. It's stolen food from you 2 days in a row now. Stop letting it starve you. Starve it back.
I'm going to put Dec. 19th as my sober date on my profile already.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
If it was as easy as giving up a finger to achieve sobriety, there would be millions of people walking around without one.
Sobriety takes work but it is worth every second of time you put into it and every ounce of strength you muster. It will be one of the absolutely, positively greatest gifts you ever give yourself. It will change and save your life.
Start now, Michael - this minute. You wouldn't have a bunch of alcoholics telling you to do this if it wasn't the thing to do.
Come on; let's get this sober thing started.
Sobriety takes work but it is worth every second of time you put into it and every ounce of strength you muster. It will be one of the absolutely, positively greatest gifts you ever give yourself. It will change and save your life.
Start now, Michael - this minute. You wouldn't have a bunch of alcoholics telling you to do this if it wasn't the thing to do.
Come on; let's get this sober thing started.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 29
Ok, I have a can of beer in front of me. And 20-some stashed away in several places. I know I should get rid of them all. But when I try to, I get depressed and anxious. And something is telling me, just let today go. Do it tomorrow.
I even have the urge to log out to prevent the pressure. I might. But I will not give up.
I even have the urge to log out to prevent the pressure. I might. But I will not give up.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
Hope you don't log out.
Trust us, Michael.
Trust us, Michael.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Many of us have come from a very dark place, Michael. We have come here broken, desolate, self-loathing, abandoned, soulless . . . . with one commonality - addiction. We provide each other with shovels here at SR so that we can dig ourselves out of our despair.
Let us help you; take the shovel, Michael, and let's start digging.
Let us help you; take the shovel, Michael, and let's start digging.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
Many of us have come from a very dark place, Michael. We have come here broken, desolate, self-loathing, abandoned, soulless . . . . with one commonality - addiction. We provide each other with shovels here at SR so that we can dig ourselves out of our despair.
Let us help you; take the shovel, Michael, and let's start digging.
Let us help you; take the shovel, Michael, and let's start digging.
I want to dig myself out of it.
I will also be honest. In my current state, I will not be able to quit drinking today. It will have to be tomorrow. Then I will have no more excuses.
I'm very sorry about that. I really apologize because I've received so much help here and I'm not taking it. It's not that I don't want to. I really feel like I can't.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
We will always be here for you, Michael. My question is "Will YOU be here, Michael?". I can't tell you how many people come here in despair, saying that they will be back 'tomorrow' and then disappear.
That is why we urgently ask you to stop TODAY.
You are not too far gone to stop today; that is your addiction talking to you - it is what it wants you to think.
That is why we urgently ask you to stop TODAY.
You are not too far gone to stop today; that is your addiction talking to you - it is what it wants you to think.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by michael1111
Alcoholism has made me feel worthless and inferior. And weak, hopeless and vulnerable..
There is a way out. Change is possible. Hope is reasonable.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 29
I must be getting too drunk. I know someone (sorry if I don't recall your name, I'm mildly blacking out now) posted a link to Rain in my Heart, which I'm watching. But now looking back at the replies, I don't see the link anywhere. Must be my brain on alcohol.
I really feel for the people in that documentary. They're far worse off than I am. But if I continue drinking, I will be them. And that is not going to happen.
As I said, I'm getting pretty drunk. And with it comes the false freedom of not caring anymore and I'll see tomorrow. So don't be surprised if I disappear for today. I'm fine, just drunk. Which is a contradiction. But I'm too dazed to understand and remember what is written.
I hope for a better day tomorrow. (And this is how this stupid addiction maneuvers things so I can complete the initial obsession of having to drink today.)
I really feel for the people in that documentary. They're far worse off than I am. But if I continue drinking, I will be them. And that is not going to happen.
As I said, I'm getting pretty drunk. And with it comes the false freedom of not caring anymore and I'll see tomorrow. So don't be surprised if I disappear for today. I'm fine, just drunk. Which is a contradiction. But I'm too dazed to understand and remember what is written.
I hope for a better day tomorrow. (And this is how this stupid addiction maneuvers things so I can complete the initial obsession of having to drink today.)
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