Surrender
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Surrender
I never thought I'd do it. I always had the answers. I always had the solution. "If I could only moderate." "If I could only want this badly enough." "If I could only do it for (X)." "If I can only make this medication work, then I'm home free." So many "if's." The problem is in my brain. It's in my heart. It's in my soul. There is a gigantic hole I'm trying to fill just by feeling a little less anxious, and nervous, and empty, and hyperactive all the time. Just one more drink. That hole is filled with the rot of alcohol.
I give it up. I give it up and I surrender to whatever it takes to really deal with all this emptiness. Whether I need to be whacked upside the head or held for hours on end, the madness has to stop. I don't have much time left to fix it, but I hope to make the best of what time is left.
I give it up. I give it up and I surrender to whatever it takes to really deal with all this emptiness. Whether I need to be whacked upside the head or held for hours on end, the madness has to stop. I don't have much time left to fix it, but I hope to make the best of what time is left.
Glad to hear you've come to that realization GetMeOut. It was the only thing that worked for me too. I don't think you need a whack upside the head, but the next step is to do a lot of listening. Listen to suggestions of where to get help. And then listen to what those who are offering help have to say.
Acceptance of the problem at hand, that I couldn't moderate and I had no control over alcohol unless I permanently parted ways with the bottle opened the door to a whole new life!!
You can do this too!!
You can do this too!!
Yes, "the search of our being for wholeness". Your post reminded me yet again of Carl Jung's letter to the cofounder of alcoholics anonymous Bill Wilson. I think you might like it. You can read it here. Dr. Carl Jung's Letter To Bill W., Jan 30, 1961
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
You got time youngster! Give that crap time to subside GMO. I've had feelings of dread and anxiety much less the longer I'm sober. I have a hole too but it seems to be filling of it's own accord without me trying to fix it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)