Intimidated by long term sobriety
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Sounds like a friend of mine who said, in early recovery that he had "more serenity than he could handle."
Don't worry about !t! Giving up drinking isn't everything! It's the only thing (to paraphrase Yogi Berra). All you need is to learn to drive, one day at a time. You don't need to be a race driver You don't need a Ferrari. A Chevy will do fine. Good luck!
W.
Don't worry about !t! Giving up drinking isn't everything! It's the only thing (to paraphrase Yogi Berra). All you need is to learn to drive, one day at a time. You don't need to be a race driver You don't need a Ferrari. A Chevy will do fine. Good luck!
W.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
I can really relate to this post, Briar.
Whe I put that glass of Chardonnay down for very last time, I was broken and crushed and weary and nearly destroyed on the inside. I knew I couldn't take another inebriated, checked-out, numb and emotionless step but, at the same time, I was scared to death of sobriety. My alcoholic drinking career was about 9 years long but I had completed forgotten how it felt to live life sober and when I looked in the mirror I didn't recognize the person I saw there. Seeking sobriety didn't feel like starting a new chapter in life; it felt like writing a whole new book. I can look back now with a few years in (and at the same time look to the future) and realize it was/is more like writing a Volume II as parts of the person I once was (and had almost obliterated with alcohol) have returned and are merging with the person I am yet to become.
I, too, stand in awe of, and am thankful for, the old-timers and the experiences which bring them here to offer guidance.
Whe I put that glass of Chardonnay down for very last time, I was broken and crushed and weary and nearly destroyed on the inside. I knew I couldn't take another inebriated, checked-out, numb and emotionless step but, at the same time, I was scared to death of sobriety. My alcoholic drinking career was about 9 years long but I had completed forgotten how it felt to live life sober and when I looked in the mirror I didn't recognize the person I saw there. Seeking sobriety didn't feel like starting a new chapter in life; it felt like writing a whole new book. I can look back now with a few years in (and at the same time look to the future) and realize it was/is more like writing a Volume II as parts of the person I once was (and had almost obliterated with alcohol) have returned and are merging with the person I am yet to become.
I, too, stand in awe of, and am thankful for, the old-timers and the experiences which bring them here to offer guidance.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 498
Originally Posted by Dee74 
But someone once asked me 'what if this, right now, is where you're meant to be, right now?'....blew my mind.
Have tried to remember that ever since
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
While I don't have the years of experience and am still a newbie, one of the major turning points for me has been realizing my life is better without the alcohol than with the alcohol. I don't want to go back to the life with alcohol and know the future will be better without alcohol in it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
[QUOTE=Briar;5080898]I've been reading some threads from people who have been sober for years (the big kids ). I'm trying to take in what they're saying and learn what I can. But honestly, it scares me. Years in, they deal with complicated things.
it scares me too!
). I'm trying to take in what they're saying and learn what I can. But honestly, it scares me. Years in, they deal with complicated things. it scares me too!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Briar, you may go ahead and believe in yourself. It's OK.
You can believe that you will be sober for just a moment? And that you will be able to deal with your life's challenges for just a moment? That doesn't really seem to be impossible, does it? It's only a moment, after all.
Now, choose to make that moment to be the present moment. The right now moment. That is the only one we can use, the only one in which we can act, the only one there is.
You can do this, Briar. I know this truth. Give yourself permission to be sober for a moment, to be OK for a moment. Then turn and look at this moment as it passes, and congratulate yourself - you did it! And you are doing it! Onward!
You can believe that you will be sober for just a moment? And that you will be able to deal with your life's challenges for just a moment? That doesn't really seem to be impossible, does it? It's only a moment, after all.
Now, choose to make that moment to be the present moment. The right now moment. That is the only one we can use, the only one in which we can act, the only one there is.
You can do this, Briar. I know this truth. Give yourself permission to be sober for a moment, to be OK for a moment. Then turn and look at this moment as it passes, and congratulate yourself - you did it! And you are doing it! Onward!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
Be happy in your sobriety now and long term sobriety will get here sooner then you think.
It made the work of sobriety so much easier.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
This thread is very, very valuable 
Briar, I'm scared too, but I'm more scared of what alcohol will do to me if I drink.
Be here now. That's all you can do. Every day is a blessing x
Briar, I'm scared too, but I'm more scared of what alcohol will do to me if I drink.
Be here now. That's all you can do. Every day is a blessing x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,480
Originally Posted by JanieJ
This thread is very, very valuable
Thank you Briar for starting this thread, and thank you to everyone who is posting here! ♥♥
V xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by Briar
I've been reading some threads from people who have been sober for years (the big kids ). I'm trying to take in what they're saying and learn what I can. But honestly, it scares me. Years in, they deal with complicated things. They seem very aware of their mental and spiritual conditions, and they talk about the work they do in these areas. I can't wrap my mind around a lot of it. I thought maybe I would listen to them and think hey, that sounds awesome, I want that, but instead I'm thinking I don't even understand what that means.
Most of it is very positive. They describe lives full of joy and possibility. They talk about spiritual strength and wholeness. It sounds wonderful, but I can't fathom how to manage that kind of abundance. A bigger, brighter life seems overwhelming. I thought maybe as the difficulty of early sobriety wears off, life becomes simpler, but that is hardly what I see here.
I feel like a fifth grader peeking into a calculus class. Impressed but terrified to be there myself, afraid I will never understand. Just the resolve these folks have and their commitment to sobriety is far beyond mine. I wish I could say I am 100% committed to sobriety for life no matter what, but just thinking that freaks me out. I don't even really know what it means.
I realize it is early on, and I know I have a tendency to look too far ahead and freak out over stuff I don't understand and therefore can't control, but I'm struggling to give this up to faith. I'm not sure how to get through tomorrow, and here I see the future holds challenges I can't even comprehend. I am intimidated by the magnitude of what I've taken on.
). I'm trying to take in what they're saying and learn what I can. But honestly, it scares me. Years in, they deal with complicated things. They seem very aware of their mental and spiritual conditions, and they talk about the work they do in these areas. I can't wrap my mind around a lot of it. I thought maybe I would listen to them and think hey, that sounds awesome, I want that, but instead I'm thinking I don't even understand what that means. Most of it is very positive. They describe lives full of joy and possibility. They talk about spiritual strength and wholeness. It sounds wonderful, but I can't fathom how to manage that kind of abundance. A bigger, brighter life seems overwhelming. I thought maybe as the difficulty of early sobriety wears off, life becomes simpler, but that is hardly what I see here.
I feel like a fifth grader peeking into a calculus class. Impressed but terrified to be there myself, afraid I will never understand. Just the resolve these folks have and their commitment to sobriety is far beyond mine. I wish I could say I am 100% committed to sobriety for life no matter what, but just thinking that freaks me out. I don't even really know what it means.
I realize it is early on, and I know I have a tendency to look too far ahead and freak out over stuff I don't understand and therefore can't control, but I'm struggling to give this up to faith. I'm not sure how to get through tomorrow, and here I see the future holds challenges I can't even comprehend. I am intimidated by the magnitude of what I've taken on.
Intimidated by long-term addiction
I've been reading some threads from people who've been addicted for years.
I'm saddened by what I read and coming to know why this is no way to live. Years in, they are unable to deal with complicated things. They seem unaware of their mental and spiritual conditions because of alcoholism. I thought maybe I would listen to them and think hey, that sounds dreadful, I don't want that. Turns out I am stronger than I ever imagined. Most of it is very negative. They describe lives of despair and lost opportunity. They talk about spiritual fragility and brokenness. It sounds awful. I cannot fathom how to envision a future like that. I thought maybe as the appeal of drinking wore off, I'd no longer identify and I was right. Life will always need to be dealt with on life's terms. I can see how facing the joys and the challenges is enhanced by sobriety and recovery.
Now that I'm gaining sobriety, I feel like a sophomore peeking into the preschool. As my life in sobriety and recovery deepens, I'll graduate ... then I'll be an undergrad ... then I'll be a grad student. Once I get my PhD, I'll keep going into a post-doc fellowship and then more. Because I've realized I'll never stop learning. Never stop growing. It's never going to be easy, because life isn't easy, but I understand how living in addiction makes it so much harder. And I'm learning that I'll be able to enjoy life to its fullest now that I'm no longer an alcoholic. Boy, alcoholism sure prevented us from truly taking pleasures in life's treats, large and small. I may not understand all the complexities of living a sober life -- no one does -- but I'm empowered by the thought of facing life sober.
I realize it is early on and I have a tendency to look too far ahead. But I know I'm going to get through today sober and that puts the abundant possibility of living through tomorrow sober in the realm of the achievable. Life will present me challenges, just as it does for folks who don't struggle with addiction. But I am empowered by the thought of doing it free of the imprisonment of addiction.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
If there is one thing I have learned it is recovery is a journey not a destination. Every time I think I have the answers they change the questions.
We didn't get sick in a day and we aren't expected to get better in one. AA calls it trudging the road to happy destiny
We didn't get sick in a day and we aren't expected to get better in one. AA calls it trudging the road to happy destiny
blessyouall
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Chi-town area
Posts: 19
I like the fifth grader analogy, so I will build on it. Just about ANY fifth grader would look in on a calculus class and think they were speaking a language from another planet. That said, a lot of fifth graders like math and, if given time, education, and patience will ultimately find themselves in that very same calc class. What a shame it would be if the promising fifth grade math lovers quit trying because they thought they couldn't handle the future! Those of us in the elementary school years of sobriety just need to take it one day at a time and know we have a long way to go before we can take the "calc" class...and that's ok!!!
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I quit drinking for vanity reasons I woke up one day and saw that I looked like hell and asked myself how I would look at the age I am now if I kept drinking. I realized the distinct possibility that if I continued to drink that I might not even be alive to tell you why I quit.
To me the detox was the worst part. Eating very healthy and staying away from all sweeteners of all kinds including artificial sweeteners helped me a lot. Once I got all that crap out of my body it felt so good being me that I knew I never wanted to go back. I got so involved in living life that I was 10 years sober before I knew it. I am not going to tell you how long I have been sober but it is safe to say I have had way more sober years than drunk ones for which I am eternally grateful.
I prefer the quantum physics of loving myself it makes more and more sense to me as time goes on.
To me the detox was the worst part. Eating very healthy and staying away from all sweeteners of all kinds including artificial sweeteners helped me a lot. Once I got all that crap out of my body it felt so good being me that I knew I never wanted to go back. I got so involved in living life that I was 10 years sober before I knew it. I am not going to tell you how long I have been sober but it is safe to say I have had way more sober years than drunk ones for which I am eternally grateful.
I prefer the quantum physics of loving myself it makes more and more sense to me as time goes on.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. The wisdom, encouragment, and compassion here are incredible. I want to print this thread and carry it with me. Your words are absolutely inspiring. Thank you.
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