Went to my first AA - and left pissed off
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
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Went to my first AA - and left pissed off
First let me preface this by saying that I've been crappy all day lol, I think being almost 3 days sober for the first time in a long time is making me a bit crabby, and usually I'm a quite happy guy 
So I went to my first AA meeting and was terrified. I was quickly put at ease, seem like a really good group of people. They took me and 2 other newbies into another room and we went over the first step. One of the "mentors" said something that just pissed me off. The other two newbies are currently in treatment, I am not. When he found this out he said, "Going it alone huh?" First off, NO! I'm not doing it alone, I'm at AA aren't I? I've admitted that I can't do it alone and I'm reaching out for help! Of course I didn't say that, I just said "yes", to which he replied "That's how I started out too, didn't take long before I ended up in treatment. You'll find our quickly. I'd be shocked if you can do it without treatment." **** YOU.
I don't know what is pissing me off more. The fact that he said that to me, or the fact that it's bothering me so much. I hit a bottom, had some clarity, and for the first time WANT TO STOP, something I've said before but never actually meant. I'm starting a great job in 4 weeks and have plenty of time now to get my head clear. I'm planning on going to AA once a day and spending a lot of time with a friend of mine that's been sober for 2 years. I initially said I'd go to AA if I had a slip up before starting this job.......I decided it wouldn't hurt being proactive. So bottom line, **** him, and I''m letting it go. I'm a drunk, which means I'm selfish. I'm doing what I have to do for me. I'll continue to go to meetings because hearing other peoples struggles helps me, again, this disease is so selfish. I guess telling my struggles could help someone else as well, and that's a good thing.
So, whatever, I'm letting it go. Don't tell me I can't do this without treatment, cause I'll prove you wrong. It would be one thing if I was saying I could do it on my own, cause I've proven that wrong hundreds of times.....
Grrrr.....I'm letting it go.
Good news on my 2nd day sober, not only did I go to AA, I went back figure skating, which I haven't done in a long time (it's not fun hungover). I now feel calm and aside from my AA mishap I'm feeling pretty good. No cravings yet, and I have a 24 hour chip in my wallet. Here's to another sober day!
Donny
So I went to my first AA meeting and was terrified. I was quickly put at ease, seem like a really good group of people. They took me and 2 other newbies into another room and we went over the first step. One of the "mentors" said something that just pissed me off. The other two newbies are currently in treatment, I am not. When he found this out he said, "Going it alone huh?" First off, NO! I'm not doing it alone, I'm at AA aren't I? I've admitted that I can't do it alone and I'm reaching out for help! Of course I didn't say that, I just said "yes", to which he replied "That's how I started out too, didn't take long before I ended up in treatment. You'll find our quickly. I'd be shocked if you can do it without treatment." **** YOU.
I don't know what is pissing me off more. The fact that he said that to me, or the fact that it's bothering me so much. I hit a bottom, had some clarity, and for the first time WANT TO STOP, something I've said before but never actually meant. I'm starting a great job in 4 weeks and have plenty of time now to get my head clear. I'm planning on going to AA once a day and spending a lot of time with a friend of mine that's been sober for 2 years. I initially said I'd go to AA if I had a slip up before starting this job.......I decided it wouldn't hurt being proactive. So bottom line, **** him, and I''m letting it go. I'm a drunk, which means I'm selfish. I'm doing what I have to do for me. I'll continue to go to meetings because hearing other peoples struggles helps me, again, this disease is so selfish. I guess telling my struggles could help someone else as well, and that's a good thing.
So, whatever, I'm letting it go. Don't tell me I can't do this without treatment, cause I'll prove you wrong. It would be one thing if I was saying I could do it on my own, cause I've proven that wrong hundreds of times.....
Grrrr.....I'm letting it go.
Good news on my 2nd day sober, not only did I go to AA, I went back figure skating, which I haven't done in a long time (it's not fun hungover). I now feel calm and aside from my AA mishap I'm feeling pretty good. No cravings yet, and I have a 24 hour chip in my wallet. Here's to another sober day!
Donny
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 107
I'm "going it alone" too, with a meeting every day. I don't know what to say about that guy. I probably wouldn't like to be spoken to like that either.
The only thing I can suggest is just find a different meeting on Tuesdays. Not every meeting is a good fit. I went to a Young Peoples meeting that didn't exactly blow my skirt up, so I found one that better suited me for that week day.
The only thing I can suggest is just find a different meeting on Tuesdays. Not every meeting is a good fit. I went to a Young Peoples meeting that didn't exactly blow my skirt up, so I found one that better suited me for that week day.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
I cannot tell you how many meetings I've left so frustrated, angry, in tears, depressed. It is understandable. It's a group of drunks helping other drunks. Of course they are going to say and do stuff that is just off, wrong, opinionated and/or none of their business. But then normies do that all of the time, too.
If someone asked this guy what he said, he'd think he was encouraging you to ____ whatever. Even things said with the kindest words by the most well meaning person can land WRONG. It isn't you, and it isn't this guy. It is just one of those things that happen from time to time.
Glad you got on here to rant about it. That's what we are for!!! And I'm soooo glad you are on SR. We need you. It takes us all working this together to make it happen. YAY for us!
If someone asked this guy what he said, he'd think he was encouraging you to ____ whatever. Even things said with the kindest words by the most well meaning person can land WRONG. It isn't you, and it isn't this guy. It is just one of those things that happen from time to time.
Glad you got on here to rant about it. That's what we are for!!! And I'm soooo glad you are on SR. We need you. It takes us all working this together to make it happen. YAY for us!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 244
I'm better already after venting lol. And yes, he pissed me off but I'm sure that wasn't his intention. Other then that moment, he, and everyone else, seem like a good group. I'll go again tomorrow. If I don't like it I live in a great area with meetings all over the place so no worries.I'm glad I have a place to rant and so does everyone else here! It helps so much. And then after the rant, when you go back and read your post you just feel like "Um......why are you so mad?" lol
Goodnight all. Here's to a happy, non-dry mouthy, headache free, beautiful morning!
Donny
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
I'm glad I have a place to rant and so does everyone else here! It helps so much. And then after the rant, when you go back and read your post you just feel like "Um......why are you so mad?" lol
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I never went to treatment.
Sorry your first experience at a meeting included an idiot.
AA does have people from all walks of life. You'll come across people in the program with sobriety that you don't care for, much like any other group.
Sorry your first experience at a meeting included an idiot.
AA does have people from all walks of life. You'll come across people in the program with sobriety that you don't care for, much like any other group.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 244
Originally Posted by Altoids 
Ain't THIS the truth?!?!?! Somehow venting to someone who will understand bc we've been there, too, seems to take all the power out of it! You do have a wonderful energy about you.
Night
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
I went it alone too, just picked up my 2 year chip. The good thing about AA is that there are all sorts of people who are there and sharing. The bad thing about AA is that there are all sorts of people who are there and sharing. Lol
I like that you took a step back, you thought, "what a tool" but you also thought about why it bothered you. That to me is sober thinking and what we strive for daily.
I will say, and I am in no way a representative of AA, that I think you're off to a great start. Try a few different meetings, they all have a different vibe. And congrats on 3 days.
I like that you took a step back, you thought, "what a tool" but you also thought about why it bothered you. That to me is sober thinking and what we strive for daily.
I will say, and I am in no way a representative of AA, that I think you're off to a great start. Try a few different meetings, they all have a different vibe. And congrats on 3 days.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
You'll find people at those meetings that say they could never of gotten sober without going to treatment. Then you will hear others say that treatment is a waste of time. You'll hear all kinds of opinions. Some will make sense to you, others won't.
The best thing you said is that you are still going to meetings. That takes a lot of strength and determination. Many people would use what you went through as a excuse to say screw it and never go back. I did that many times and the result was always bad.
Just try to stay focused on why you are there, and don't let others' opinions distract you from that. It's NOT EASY, but it can be done. You now have the opportunity to be selfish for all the good reasons. Keep going, no matter what!!!! John
The best thing you said is that you are still going to meetings. That takes a lot of strength and determination. Many people would use what you went through as a excuse to say screw it and never go back. I did that many times and the result was always bad.
Just try to stay focused on why you are there, and don't let others' opinions distract you from that. It's NOT EASY, but it can be done. You now have the opportunity to be selfish for all the good reasons. Keep going, no matter what!!!! John
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by Donnylutz
Don't tell me I can't do this without treatment, cause I'll prove you wrong.
.Treatment is a requirement for sobriety. Changing, IMO is. AA is an awesome tool to help you do that.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Donny, I love your attitude. Your post made me laugh out loud. I'm in total agreement with you. The guy is an a$$. He does not know you, so how can he have the slightest idea about your possible need for treatment. Don't let him get you down.
When you have a bit more time, tell him how wrong he was and how unhelpful it was to hear that sort of thing at your first meeting. Until then I would avoid him as much as possible and "stick with the winners".
I have a gut feeling you're going to be ok
When you have a bit more time, tell him how wrong he was and how unhelpful it was to hear that sort of thing at your first meeting. Until then I would avoid him as much as possible and "stick with the winners".
I have a gut feeling you're going to be ok
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
AA is full of drunks (like me), not licensed professional therapists. Don't let the actions of 1 person sour you on the whole program. AA and this website helped me get and stay sober, not a treatment facility.
I've met people in AA that I might give a kidney to, if they needed one. And I've met people in AA who could fall off of the face of the earth for all I care.
Go to a lot of meetings and you will meet some of both kinds. And the vast majority of people will be in the middle between those two extremes.
Then hang around the former, not the latter.
I've met people in AA that I might give a kidney to, if they needed one. And I've met people in AA who could fall off of the face of the earth for all I care.
Go to a lot of meetings and you will meet some of both kinds. And the vast majority of people will be in the middle between those two extremes.
Then hang around the former, not the latter.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
That's strange! First of all, I've never heard of a new person being taken to a "separate room" (weird!) but I've also NEVER heard someone say something like he did! I've been to hundreds of AA meetings since 2008.
I would go to a different meeting. That person is obviously not well. Put that resentment aside and deal with it when you get to your 4th & 5th step. There is always one ******** that says something stupid...it's still the real world.
Just focus on staying sober! You can do this!!!
I would go to a different meeting. That person is obviously not well. Put that resentment aside and deal with it when you get to your 4th & 5th step. There is always one ******** that says something stupid...it's still the real world.
Just focus on staying sober! You can do this!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 244
This forum rocks. I think our "treatment" is something that needs to be personalized for all of us. We may all abuse the same drug, but our reasons for the abuse, how they have affected us, and the issues left once we are sober enough to see reality is different for everyone.
I love having this forum. I may have had an issue going back to AA after this experience, but having the great support here has helped. I know it's horrible to say, but I really feel different these days and ready to be sober. My treatment (which will most likely change) will be this forum, AA, therapy, and possible meds. That sounds like treatment to me!
Night all, stay strong and fabulous and sober!!!!!!
I love having this forum. I may have had an issue going back to AA after this experience, but having the great support here has helped. I know it's horrible to say, but I really feel different these days and ready to be sober. My treatment (which will most likely change) will be this forum, AA, therapy, and possible meds. That sounds like treatment to me!
Night all, stay strong and fabulous and sober!!!!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire, UK
Posts: 712
Originally Posted by Donnylutz
First let me preface this by saying that I've been crappy all day lol, I think being almost 3 days sober for the first time in a long time is making me a bit crabby, and usually I'm a quite happy guy
So I went to my first AA meeting and was terrified. I was quickly put at ease, seem like a really good group of people. They took me and 2 other newbies into another room and we went over the first step. One of the "mentors" said something that just pissed me off. The other two newbies are currently in treatment, I am not. When he found this out he said, "Going it alone huh?" First off, NO! I'm not doing it alone, I'm at AA aren't I? I've admitted that I can't do it alone and I'm reaching out for help! Of course I didn't say that, I just said "yes", to which he replied "That's how I started out too, didn't take long before I ended up in treatment. You'll find our quickly. I'd be shocked if you can do it without treatment." **** YOU.
I don't know what is pissing me off more. The fact that he said that to me, or the fact that it's bothering me so much. I hit a bottom, had some clarity, and for the first time WANT TO STOP, something I've said before but never actually meant. I'm starting a great job in 4 weeks and have plenty of time now to get my head clear. I'm planning on going to AA once a day and spending a lot of time with a friend of mine that's been sober for 2 years. I initially said I'd go to AA if I had a slip up before starting this job.......I decided it wouldn't hurt being proactive. So bottom line, **** him, and I''m letting it go. I'm a drunk, which means I'm selfish. I'm doing what I have to do for me. I'll continue to go to meetings because hearing other peoples struggles helps me, again, this disease is so selfish. I guess telling my struggles could help someone else as well, and that's a good thing.
So, whatever, I'm letting it go. Don't tell me I can't do this without treatment, cause I'll prove you wrong. It would be one thing if I was saying I could do it on my own, cause I've proven that wrong hundreds of times.....
Grrrr.....I'm letting it go.
Good news on my 2nd day sober, not only did I go to AA, I went back figure skating, which I haven't done in a long time (it's not fun hungover). I now feel calm and aside from my AA mishap I'm feeling pretty good. No cravings yet, and I have a 24 hour chip in my wallet. Here's to another sober day!
Donny
So I went to my first AA meeting and was terrified. I was quickly put at ease, seem like a really good group of people. They took me and 2 other newbies into another room and we went over the first step. One of the "mentors" said something that just pissed me off. The other two newbies are currently in treatment, I am not. When he found this out he said, "Going it alone huh?" First off, NO! I'm not doing it alone, I'm at AA aren't I? I've admitted that I can't do it alone and I'm reaching out for help! Of course I didn't say that, I just said "yes", to which he replied "That's how I started out too, didn't take long before I ended up in treatment. You'll find our quickly. I'd be shocked if you can do it without treatment." **** YOU.
I don't know what is pissing me off more. The fact that he said that to me, or the fact that it's bothering me so much. I hit a bottom, had some clarity, and for the first time WANT TO STOP, something I've said before but never actually meant. I'm starting a great job in 4 weeks and have plenty of time now to get my head clear. I'm planning on going to AA once a day and spending a lot of time with a friend of mine that's been sober for 2 years. I initially said I'd go to AA if I had a slip up before starting this job.......I decided it wouldn't hurt being proactive. So bottom line, **** him, and I''m letting it go. I'm a drunk, which means I'm selfish. I'm doing what I have to do for me. I'll continue to go to meetings because hearing other peoples struggles helps me, again, this disease is so selfish. I guess telling my struggles could help someone else as well, and that's a good thing.
So, whatever, I'm letting it go. Don't tell me I can't do this without treatment, cause I'll prove you wrong. It would be one thing if I was saying I could do it on my own, cause I've proven that wrong hundreds of times.....
Grrrr.....I'm letting it go.
Good news on my 2nd day sober, not only did I go to AA, I went back figure skating, which I haven't done in a long time (it's not fun hungover). I now feel calm and aside from my AA mishap I'm feeling pretty good. No cravings yet, and I have a 24 hour chip in my wallet. Here's to another sober day!
Donny
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 160
Definitely try another meeting. We hear about people having bad experiences at AA, but they seem to be the extreme exception. AA is just a bunch of people, and you can always run across someone like this who maybe is trying to help but probably not going about it properly.
When I went to my first meeting, everyone was super nice. Nobody really asked me anything or tried to tell me to do anything. They told me about the program and let me make up my own mind.
Definitely don't let one person sour you on the program. However you need to find what works for you.
When I went to my first meeting, everyone was super nice. Nobody really asked me anything or tried to tell me to do anything. They told me about the program and let me make up my own mind.
Definitely don't let one person sour you on the program. However you need to find what works for you.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i have been going to aa for over 10 years and some people still **** me off : ) the difference is i can smile at them today and i dont take it home with me and get all worked up about it
people **** me off all over the place not just in aa rooms but the problem is me and how i deal with it
if i keep on letting people get to me and **** me off then i am not going to grow much i have to change and let people be
its not easy to do and its always ongoing work in progress
people **** me off all over the place not just in aa rooms but the problem is me and how i deal with it
if i keep on letting people get to me and **** me off then i am not going to grow much i have to change and let people be
its not easy to do and its always ongoing work in progress
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