Went to my first AA - and left pissed off
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
An occasional bad experience with AA is not unusual. i had a few myself. Like once when I was chairing a meeting and someone cut me off and said, "I didn't come here to listen to you! I came to listen to what the others had to say!" (I thought of walking out and letting her chair the meeting. Anyway she never came back. She claimed to have 25 years sobriety. Another time when someone insulted the Virgin Mary on Christmas, saying that she was only doing that to cover up an affair with another man. I almost left saying that I didn't know what that had to do with sobriety. Another when my dog had to be put to sleep and the person chairing the meeting said that it was a "character defect" to become upset about that since I should have God instead of my dog as my Higher Power.
Despite all this I hung in there and have 26 years now. Illigitimis Non Carborundum! (Don't let the Bas.....) wear you down!)
W.
Despite all this I hung in there and have 26 years now. Illigitimis Non Carborundum! (Don't let the Bas.....) wear you down!)
W.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:
1. Many do it without treatment (I'm one and I just hit 9months YAY!).
2. You are not doing it alone. You are going to AA AND you have SR
3. This is YOUR recovery and it has to be tailored to what works for you.
Use this as fuel for sobriety. Don't let this a-hole be right.
We are with you so you will never be alone. SR is available 24/7.
1. Many do it without treatment (I'm one and I just hit 9months YAY!).
2. You are not doing it alone. You are going to AA AND you have SR
3. This is YOUR recovery and it has to be tailored to what works for you.
Use this as fuel for sobriety. Don't let this a-hole be right.
We are with you so you will never be alone. SR is available 24/7.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
This post is not aimed at the OP, and only slightly off topic. I just thought about this trying to think of any "bad" AA experiences I've had.
Back in the 80s, AA was much different than it is today. While crosstalk is pretty much not allowed any more at any meeting I frequent, when I first started coming around, not only was it allowed - it was encouraged. The job of the person qualifying/leading the meeting, was to tell their story, and then comment on everybody's individual share as it went around the room. I believe there was both good and bad in that practice. The good was that I feel it taught me a lot of acceptance, acceptance which came with an excellent dose of humility. As a newcomer it was often usually helpful, too. As someone being around a while, I think I'd probably feel different. The obvious "bad" of the feedback thing is the ego fest that it can easily become. That, and not many people like being told what and what not to do.
Wasn't uncommon back then for someone with 6 months sobriety to tell someone with 20 years that they should just, "Turn something over", "Start working the steps", or "just not drink and go to meetings". Lots of cliche's were thrown out regularly. Was helpful at times, funny at others, and yeah... sometimes it was just plain ridiculous and annoying.
Anyhow, would love to see the reactions in people if for just one day we went back to that old format
. Would be very entertaining, fer sure.
Back in the 80s, AA was much different than it is today. While crosstalk is pretty much not allowed any more at any meeting I frequent, when I first started coming around, not only was it allowed - it was encouraged. The job of the person qualifying/leading the meeting, was to tell their story, and then comment on everybody's individual share as it went around the room. I believe there was both good and bad in that practice. The good was that I feel it taught me a lot of acceptance, acceptance which came with an excellent dose of humility. As a newcomer it was often usually helpful, too. As someone being around a while, I think I'd probably feel different. The obvious "bad" of the feedback thing is the ego fest that it can easily become. That, and not many people like being told what and what not to do.
Wasn't uncommon back then for someone with 6 months sobriety to tell someone with 20 years that they should just, "Turn something over", "Start working the steps", or "just not drink and go to meetings". Lots of cliche's were thrown out regularly. Was helpful at times, funny at others, and yeah... sometimes it was just plain ridiculous and annoying.
Anyhow, would love to see the reactions in people if for just one day we went back to that old format
. Would be very entertaining, fer sure.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Use it as motivation, perhaps.
I have never been to rehab and just hit 6 months.
For you and all who read this remember please; AA is not a franchise. There is no quality control and groups vary. What one person states is their opinion which may be helpful or make us mad! The program of AA is the first 164 pages in the Big Book. Everything else is conjuncture and opinion from a bunch of drunks. The next time one of em pops off - simply ask them to show you in the program of Alcoholic Anonymous where that is written.
Excuse me arse head, but you are not me and I am not you. I do want to recovery and will attempt to integrate into this group. Please show me in the first 164 pages which is the PLAN where it states I must go to rehab????
You are however, in Hazelden's front yard. So there is an ingrained culture where you live for rehab certainly. Rehab is great for those who need it. Everyday where I live, they load up the rehab people and bring them to AA My copy of the Big Book only cost 8 bucks, ask your new friend how much he paid for his - more like 30-40 grand!
Not sure about the come with me deal either......How about, no thank you - I'd like to just sit and listen to the group some today. Maybe tomorrow.......
So, there - I vented for both of us!!!
Good job on your willingness!
Keep coming back, it hurts then it works....
Remember too, the still suffering alcoholic isn't always the newcomer
Kind Regards,
FlyN
I have never been to rehab and just hit 6 months.
For you and all who read this remember please; AA is not a franchise. There is no quality control and groups vary. What one person states is their opinion which may be helpful or make us mad! The program of AA is the first 164 pages in the Big Book. Everything else is conjuncture and opinion from a bunch of drunks. The next time one of em pops off - simply ask them to show you in the program of Alcoholic Anonymous where that is written.
Excuse me arse head, but you are not me and I am not you. I do want to recovery and will attempt to integrate into this group. Please show me in the first 164 pages which is the PLAN where it states I must go to rehab????
You are however, in Hazelden's front yard. So there is an ingrained culture where you live for rehab certainly. Rehab is great for those who need it. Everyday where I live, they load up the rehab people and bring them to AA
My copy of the Big Book only cost 8 bucks, ask your new friend how much he paid for his - more like 30-40 grand!Not sure about the come with me deal either......How about, no thank you - I'd like to just sit and listen to the group some today. Maybe tomorrow.......
So, there - I vented for both of us!!!
Good job on your willingness!
Keep coming back, it hurts then it works....
Remember too, the still suffering alcoholic isn't always the newcomer
Kind Regards,
FlyN
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
This is what I alluded to in another thread, certain folks believe their bottom or their recovery is the only way to get sober. Ignore him and prove him wrong. Focus on yourself and keeping yourself sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I’ll open this post with IMO.
Boy do “I miss cross talk.” Also wonder where this “rule” came from. At discussion meetings, which most are today, compared to the “old days” I find it difficult at times to respond when someone is In dire need of help. The problem in my thinking is there are so many at the meeting that have no idea of the needed response because they are sober a short time.
I like the old expression “take the cotton out of your ears, put it in your mouth, sit up front and listen for 90 days as you don’t have much to contribute about being sober for 90 days.”
That worked for many years for millions of alcoholics but today it’s too insensitive for this generation.
When we arrived at AA most of us had/have thinking that can be described as off the wall at times because we are sensitive and undisciplined by years of drinking a very toxic beverage. Most times we think we’re OK after a few days of non drinking. As time goes by we stop occasionally and think “what was I thinking? OMG”
We can offer suggestions about how we and others did it but we can’t fix the damaged very easily if they are resistant. I’m still learning that since that grateful day in ’78 so I must continue reading the first 164 pages. No one is perfect!
BE WELL
I’ll open this post with IMO.
Boy do “I miss cross talk.” Also wonder where this “rule” came from. At discussion meetings, which most are today, compared to the “old days” I find it difficult at times to respond when someone is In dire need of help. The problem in my thinking is there are so many at the meeting that have no idea of the needed response because they are sober a short time.
I like the old expression “take the cotton out of your ears, put it in your mouth, sit up front and listen for 90 days as you don’t have much to contribute about being sober for 90 days.”
That worked for many years for millions of alcoholics but today it’s too insensitive for this generation.
When we arrived at AA most of us had/have thinking that can be described as off the wall at times because we are sensitive and undisciplined by years of drinking a very toxic beverage. Most times we think we’re OK after a few days of non drinking. As time goes by we stop occasionally and think “what was I thinking? OMG”
We can offer suggestions about how we and others did it but we can’t fix the damaged very easily if they are resistant. I’m still learning that since that grateful day in ’78 so I must continue reading the first 164 pages. No one is perfect!
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
In the big book, second set of personal stories titled , " they stopped In time" theres a good lil intro to the stories.
Even on here there are people from AA who can go off on a," if you didn't lose everything,end up on the streets, have blahblahblah happen then you didn't need the help like I did" ego trip. It's pretty sick and disgusting behavior that isn't helpful and can lead someone to a drink.
Just like telling someone because they aren't in rehab they are doing it their way could do the same.
If rehab, detox, losing everything,etc was a prerequisite for wanting help, there's a jillion alcoholics out there that haven't been informed they haven't done it right.
Keep goin back! Get a sponsor, work the steps, Stick with the ones that have what you want. if you want to end up sober and pissed off all the time or want to be like the one that said what was said,hang with em. If not, it would be wise stay away from them and let them be a good example of what you don't want to be like.
Today I can still get angry, but itisvery rarely. It just ain't worth letting someone else get in my head and live rent free and one of the great blessings I have today is knowing that no matter how much time someone has without a drink, some truly are sicker than others.
Even on here there are people from AA who can go off on a," if you didn't lose everything,end up on the streets, have blahblahblah happen then you didn't need the help like I did" ego trip. It's pretty sick and disgusting behavior that isn't helpful and can lead someone to a drink.
Just like telling someone because they aren't in rehab they are doing it their way could do the same.
If rehab, detox, losing everything,etc was a prerequisite for wanting help, there's a jillion alcoholics out there that haven't been informed they haven't done it right.
Keep goin back! Get a sponsor, work the steps, Stick with the ones that have what you want. if you want to end up sober and pissed off all the time or want to be like the one that said what was said,hang with em. If not, it would be wise stay away from them and let them be a good example of what you don't want to be like.
Today I can still get angry, but itisvery rarely. It just ain't worth letting someone else get in my head and live rent free and one of the great blessings I have today is knowing that no matter how much time someone has without a drink, some truly are sicker than others.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Utah
Posts: 14
That's awful! I'd try a different meeting. They are all different. The first one I went to was great, but the second not so much. Have to find what works for you. I'm "going it alone" too, but I don't feel alone. I have you fine people and AA too when I want it. Congratulations on your decision to get sober! Keep it up.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
There is a combo of not good stuff going on here. The person who told you that should have kept his mouth closed. What worked for him is going to be different than what works for the next guy. And if he is experienced at all at newcomers, he should know that at 3 days in, you are going to be cranky. With that being said...you are three days in. You are still thinking at times the world is against you. A few more weeks and that will, for the most part, go away. Your brain has only just begun the healing process. Saying something like that is like pouring salt into an open wound. If he was the only bad thing about the meeting I would still go. They are going to say stuff that is going to **** you off. And in time you will learn and grow from those moments. But this person went a little overboard. If it bothers you that bad, find a new meeting. I know several old timers in the program that never went to rehab. Just quit and hit meetings. This upsets me cuz it brings on the "well I'm not as bad as those people" thought process which can be deadly. I'm in the program. I've never had treatment. I am doing quite well and so can you.
Jennifer
Jennifer
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
In the big book, second set of personal stories titled , " they stopped In time" theres a good lil intro to the stories.
Even on here there are people from AA who can go off on a," if you didn't lose everything,end up on the streets, have blahblahblah happen then you didn't need the help like I did" ego trip. It's pretty sick and disgusting behavior that isn't helpful and can lead someone to a drink.
Just like telling someone because they aren't in rehab they are doing it their way could do the same.
If rehab, detox, losing everything,etc was a prerequisite for wanting help, there's a jillion alcoholics out there that haven't been informed they haven't done it right.
Keep goin back! Get a sponsor, work the steps, Stick with the ones that have what you want. if you want to end up sober and pissed off all the time or want to be like the one that said what was said,hang with em. If not, it would be wise stay away from them and let them be a good example of what you don't want to be like.
Today I can still get angry, but itisvery rarely. It just ain't worth letting someone else get in my head and live rent free and one of the great blessings I have today is knowing that no matter how much time someone has without a drink, some truly are sicker than others.
Even on here there are people from AA who can go off on a," if you didn't lose everything,end up on the streets, have blahblahblah happen then you didn't need the help like I did" ego trip. It's pretty sick and disgusting behavior that isn't helpful and can lead someone to a drink.
Just like telling someone because they aren't in rehab they are doing it their way could do the same.
If rehab, detox, losing everything,etc was a prerequisite for wanting help, there's a jillion alcoholics out there that haven't been informed they haven't done it right.
Keep goin back! Get a sponsor, work the steps, Stick with the ones that have what you want. if you want to end up sober and pissed off all the time or want to be like the one that said what was said,hang with em. If not, it would be wise stay away from them and let them be a good example of what you don't want to be like.
Today I can still get angry, but itisvery rarely. It just ain't worth letting someone else get in my head and live rent free and one of the great blessings I have today is knowing that no matter how much time someone has without a drink, some truly are sicker than others.
it normally hits home, hence i stopped saying that, i came to see i was on an ego trip believing i had something that the so called sick didn't have
i was just manipulating really as i didnt like what people had or what they would share about as if they didnt say the things i wanted to hear then i would write them off as sick
the difference with me today is i know i am nuts or sick and that one day at a time i will get better so long as i do and live the right way instead of the wrong way
but i need help with my thinking, i need guidance and for people to show me when my head is doing it again to me etc
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Many here come with varied maladies and many also don’t have a clue. Much of what’s said at a meeting is that which worked for that person and many people who are sober. Some may be strong suggestions like “if you jump from a plane it’s suggested you pull the ripcord!” Which comes from observations of the past.
I know a lot of what I communicate is negative to many ears but it’s my experience and observations over thousands of meetings and trying to live sober in a helpful way. Heck we all have our off moments/days, but we keep coming and try to help another alcoholic.
BE WELL
I know a lot of what I communicate is negative to many ears but it’s my experience and observations over thousands of meetings and trying to live sober in a helpful way. Heck we all have our off moments/days, but we keep coming and try to help another alcoholic.
BE WELL
Gl@ss Artist & Cat Lady
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 880
I've had a love/hate relationship with AA for years. Left so many meetings pissed off because of stupid things people say and do. I think it's just finding the right meeting(s) and sticking with it/those.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 139
I'm going at it alone also I've went to aa a few years back and knew it wasn't for me I'm not into god or anything like that but know I had to change for my a) my health b) to be a better father to my 2 great kids who don't need a hungover loser of a dad and c) be a better husband who my wife deserves. I have fought off urges these past 53 days and coming here to post has helped a lot. I know I have a long way to go to say (I'm sober) because sober to me means no thoughts of needing to get loaded or wanting to just cause I need to escape from something. I guess what I'm getting at If aa isn't for you keep posting in here it does help...stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Great job on your first two / three days Donny. As you and others have said, each of us are different and benefit from different plans of recovery.
Your attitude is great and you CAN do this. I hit that point that you alluded to 163 days ago; "feel different these days and ready to be sober". This day for me came after countless times trying to be sober... year after year.
I use SR as my weapon and this community as my friend to make today another sober day.
Stay strong!
Your attitude is great and you CAN do this. I hit that point that you alluded to 163 days ago; "feel different these days and ready to be sober". This day for me came after countless times trying to be sober... year after year.
I use SR as my weapon and this community as my friend to make today another sober day.
Stay strong!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 244
Originally Posted by JoshUrsan
I'm going at it alone also I've went to aa a few years back and knew it wasn't for me I'm not into god or anything like that but know I had to change for my a) my health b) to be a better father to my 2 great kids who don't need a hungover loser of a dad and c) be a better husband who my wife deserves. I have fought off urges these past 53 days and coming here to post has helped a lot. I know I have a long way to go to say (I'm sober) because sober to me means no thoughts of needing to get loaded or wanting to just cause I need to escape from something. I guess what I'm getting at If aa isn't for you keep posting in here it does help...stay strong!
Look at me, I'm talking like a pro on day 3. I remember this feeling. I'll enjoy it while it lasts. How do you long time peeps not get massively annoyed by newcomers? LOL. I'm starting to annoy myself!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 4
Hang in there Donny. Some people can just be irritating without realizing it. The worst ones are those who will imply that you can't do it.....once a drunk, always a drunk sort of skepticism. Don't let them get you down. People kick the habit every day. Yes...the relapse statistics can be daunting, but people still do it on a regular basis. You are just as strong and capable as any of them. So keep up the strong attitude and press forward!!!
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