Tell me why a life or death experience is no reason to drink...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,840
Great advice here, Croissant.
May I just add . . . . because we love you and would never wish to see harm come to you. Every drink we take hurts us from the inside out.
Your SR friends around the world mourn with you over the recent events in Sydney.
And, yes, I drank over the Twin Tower/Pentagon attacks in 2001. It was when my alcoholic drinking began; it seemed like such a splendid idea at the time . . . . . but it brought more misery than I could ever anticipate.
May I just add . . . . because we love you and would never wish to see harm come to you. Every drink we take hurts us from the inside out.
Your SR friends around the world mourn with you over the recent events in Sydney.
And, yes, I drank over the Twin Tower/Pentagon attacks in 2001. It was when my alcoholic drinking began; it seemed like such a splendid idea at the time . . . . . but it brought more misery than I could ever anticipate.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Croissant 
I don't want to drink now, but there's looming pressure and comments like, "go get yourself a bottle of wine"...
Please tell me the reasons why I shouldn't, before the AV starts telling me, "life's too short, you can just have one".
(Yes, I know drinking alcoholically will shorten my life anyway.)
Traumatic events are no reason to drink. Please tell me why - remind me. Please.
Please tell me the reasons why I shouldn't, before the AV starts telling me, "life's too short, you can just have one".
(Yes, I know drinking alcoholically will shorten my life anyway.)
Traumatic events are no reason to drink. Please tell me why - remind me. Please.
One, HAAAAA!!!!!!! That's the game it's playing. Amateur AV~
Mine says, hey pal.....you've been good for 6 months. Come on, a real nice bender might be just the thing - celebrate, you've earned it.
At the very least, it will remind you of why you quit. You can ALWAYS start over at day one........
Fly says - BS! So this gift of sobriety I have been given I am going to return? Why? The color is right ( not blotchy bloated face ) the size is good, it's in style...... So why the heck would I return it?????
Oh that's right, we can ALWAYS start over?!?!? I'll just get a new one after Christmas.....I am sure they be PLENTY on sale!
Crap, then I recall this thread. You know the one - it has over 500,000 views. Must be a mistake.......that can't be correct? Why would so many view this??? Hmmmm, I wonder if there something to it. I wonder if I really would ever, by grace get another chance. Maybe this time, if it doesn't work out - I'll have the courage to pull the trigger........
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lly-again.html
Kind Regards,
FlyN
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Croissant... I've thought about this, the life or death situation. I've wondered myself if I'd drink if faced with a terminal illness, imminent death, or if faced with the death of my husband, or dogs. I really don't know what I'll do. I'd like to think that I wouldn't, but until I'm in that situation, it's hard to speculate.
My one argument against drinking in that situation: I'd now prefer to be aware of reality. I think, now that I'm nearing the two year milestone, that I have an appreciation of life, with it's suffering and struggle, in a way I hadn't before. I was somewhat naive to "life" in general before. I'm not exactly sure why that is, as I wasn't raised in luxury, and I've had to struggle to survive some dysfunction in my family, and go after a college education and some other things that weren't handed to me. So... I'm not sure why I had such an idealistic and hopeful view of life as a young adult.
Now that I've tasted a bit of life's bitterness, I think I appreciate the goodness and the peace more than I ever did. And I don't want to upset the "balance" of things anymore. It's so hard for me to bounce back and recover from things that many people seem to just spontaneously recover from. It sends me reeling.
So maybe that is what keeps me sober? There is a delicate balance, and I'd rather not upset it.
As far as putting one's life in danger while drinking... yes, of course that's a good argument against it. But those are often easily justified when we are in the process of drinking. I certainly wasn't aware all the times I put myself in grave danger. I was so lucky, so many times.
Another argument against it: Better not, than to... if in doubt
Hold off for another day, and see how you feel about it tomorrow.
My one argument against drinking in that situation: I'd now prefer to be aware of reality. I think, now that I'm nearing the two year milestone, that I have an appreciation of life, with it's suffering and struggle, in a way I hadn't before. I was somewhat naive to "life" in general before. I'm not exactly sure why that is, as I wasn't raised in luxury, and I've had to struggle to survive some dysfunction in my family, and go after a college education and some other things that weren't handed to me. So... I'm not sure why I had such an idealistic and hopeful view of life as a young adult.
Now that I've tasted a bit of life's bitterness, I think I appreciate the goodness and the peace more than I ever did. And I don't want to upset the "balance" of things anymore. It's so hard for me to bounce back and recover from things that many people seem to just spontaneously recover from. It sends me reeling.
So maybe that is what keeps me sober? There is a delicate balance, and I'd rather not upset it.
As far as putting one's life in danger while drinking... yes, of course that's a good argument against it. But those are often easily justified when we are in the process of drinking. I certainly wasn't aware all the times I put myself in grave danger. I was so lucky, so many times.
Another argument against it: Better not, than to... if in doubt
Hold off for another day, and see how you feel about it tomorrow.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74
Sometimes we'll have a really good, valid excuse to drink - a real humdinger - but it's still just an excuse and it's still as empty as all our other excuses are.
Drinking doesn't help us cope. It numbs us...it helps us run away...but, as alcoholics, it also takes over our lives, and seeks to destroy.
There's been enough destruction and enough tragedy.
Our addiction will not think twice about taking our fear, our grief, our anger and our sorrow and using it cynically and obscenely as a way to get what it wants.
It won't bat an eyelid at taking a tragedy, and grotesquely twisting it into a reason to you to obliterate yourself.
Honestly, drinking would be a really shallow response to what is a profound event.
The proper response is to see your Doctor and/or avail yourself of some counselling, Crois.
Maybe your work will offer something?
I really hope you will follow it up.
Join me in not drinking over this
D
Drinking doesn't help us cope. It numbs us...it helps us run away...but, as alcoholics, it also takes over our lives, and seeks to destroy.
There's been enough destruction and enough tragedy.
Our addiction will not think twice about taking our fear, our grief, our anger and our sorrow and using it cynically and obscenely as a way to get what it wants.
It won't bat an eyelid at taking a tragedy, and grotesquely twisting it into a reason to you to obliterate yourself.
Honestly, drinking would be a really shallow response to what is a profound event.
The proper response is to see your Doctor and/or avail yourself of some counselling, Crois.
Maybe your work will offer something?
I really hope you will follow it up.
Join me in not drinking over this
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
"Honestly, drinking would be a really shallow response to what is a profound event."
Well said, Dee!
I went through a serious family trauma over the weekend. It is something I would have had some drinks to cope with in the past, and it inspired those thoughts (which I don't often have in sobriety). But I didn't drink, and the GIFT from staying sober through it is that I connected deeply with other family members who were also having the experience and the grief. I even spent hours on the phone talking to my ex-husband (from very long ago), who is someone I value greatly. He is remarried and lives far away, but this issue involved one of our children, and my sobriety allowed us to share throughout the experience without the conversation degenerating into conflict.
Waking up on Tuesday, I find some of the trauma is resolved, some will never be and is just heart-breaking, but I came out of the last couple of days with a new depth of relationship with people in my family and a new sense of connection. That would not be true had I drank through the feelings and experience.
And of course, there's all the other stuff - still in recovery, proud of that, feeling healthy , etc. - but what I most value is the deepening.
Well said, Dee!
I went through a serious family trauma over the weekend. It is something I would have had some drinks to cope with in the past, and it inspired those thoughts (which I don't often have in sobriety). But I didn't drink, and the GIFT from staying sober through it is that I connected deeply with other family members who were also having the experience and the grief. I even spent hours on the phone talking to my ex-husband (from very long ago), who is someone I value greatly. He is remarried and lives far away, but this issue involved one of our children, and my sobriety allowed us to share throughout the experience without the conversation degenerating into conflict.
Waking up on Tuesday, I find some of the trauma is resolved, some will never be and is just heart-breaking, but I came out of the last couple of days with a new depth of relationship with people in my family and a new sense of connection. That would not be true had I drank through the feelings and experience.
And of course, there's all the other stuff - still in recovery, proud of that, feeling healthy , etc. - but what I most value is the deepening.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
We can't control this world but we can choose how we react to the things that happen .
In the old days the alcoholic in me was willing to abuse every situation to selfishly feed .
Sometimes what we do might seem insignificant in the light of other things going on but that doesn't mean that it's not worthwhile .
Keep on , m
In the old days the alcoholic in me was willing to abuse every situation to selfishly feed .
Sometimes what we do might seem insignificant in the light of other things going on but that doesn't mean that it's not worthwhile .
Keep on , m
stress my heart is hurting and not from being sad.. this dummy I am working with would drive a tea Tootler to Drink.. laughter kids I need some laughter 
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Thanks all. I will post more later...I just need all the reasons in the world before the A.V. Fires up too much.
Please share what you can. It does mean a lot.
Thanks.
Crois
Please share what you can. It does mean a lot.
Thanks.
Crois
Last edited by Dee74; 12-16-2014 at 10:34 PM.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by Ruby2
If you know that a traumatic event is looming you can take steps now to encounter it without drinking. As alcoholics we are programmed to immediately reach for a bottle to make it go away but it won't go away and drinking will only make it worse.
This is a hypothetical that I've run through my head. My father has a very bad heart, which is true. He has both a pace maker and defibrillator. As a child I always thought my parents would be there forever. He still lives a very active life with some limitations. However, every year he ends up in the hospital for a period of days. I never know when my mother will call to say he's in the hospital again. Each time he bounces back, a little weaker but still here. And here is the hypothetical. What happens when it's the end, come see your father now! When will that call come? Will it come in the middle of the night when if I'm drinking I'd be too drunk to move if I even hear the phone ring? So I miss seeing my father and saying one last goodbye? What if he does pass. I pick up a drink because I'm so distraught. Will it change his death? No. Will anyone blame me for drinking? No, probably not. But they will blame me if I'm too hungover to be any support to my family, especially my mother. If I show up to the wake and funeral reeking of alcohol. Stumbling, slurring, saying inappropriate things. Not being present in the moment to handle it or be of any use to anyone. It's me being selfish. Considering only my pain and my grief with little regard to anyone else.
So that's what I've thought. My AV has already told me. It's patiently waiting for the day that my father dies so that I have an excuse to drink. A reason for which no one will question. Pretty sick, isn't it? Using my fathers demise to pick up a bottle. So I know that is what I face. I know now so I can think it through. Surround myself now with loving support so that I can face the pain sober. So I'm there with my mother and can support her. Drinking would be such a bad idea. Don't do it.
This is a hypothetical that I've run through my head. My father has a very bad heart, which is true. He has both a pace maker and defibrillator. As a child I always thought my parents would be there forever. He still lives a very active life with some limitations. However, every year he ends up in the hospital for a period of days. I never know when my mother will call to say he's in the hospital again. Each time he bounces back, a little weaker but still here. And here is the hypothetical. What happens when it's the end, come see your father now! When will that call come? Will it come in the middle of the night when if I'm drinking I'd be too drunk to move if I even hear the phone ring? So I miss seeing my father and saying one last goodbye? What if he does pass. I pick up a drink because I'm so distraught. Will it change his death? No. Will anyone blame me for drinking? No, probably not. But they will blame me if I'm too hungover to be any support to my family, especially my mother. If I show up to the wake and funeral reeking of alcohol. Stumbling, slurring, saying inappropriate things. Not being present in the moment to handle it or be of any use to anyone. It's me being selfish. Considering only my pain and my grief with little regard to anyone else.
So that's what I've thought. My AV has already told me. It's patiently waiting for the day that my father dies so that I have an excuse to drink. A reason for which no one will question. Pretty sick, isn't it? Using my fathers demise to pick up a bottle. So I know that is what I face. I know now so I can think it through. Surround myself now with loving support so that I can face the pain sober. So I'm there with my mother and can support her. Drinking would be such a bad idea. Don't do it.
We thought Mom would go first. But it was Dad. Very sudden, very unexpected. Not quite seven months ago.
A couple days after Dad died, I was home alone. Still numb. Barely processing it all. One of the old neighbor kids stopped by. With a six-pack and a kind smile to match the kind intentions.
I knew I'd be alone in the house for a while. Long enough to slam the beer. I had a split second to make a decision. I thanked my old friend, but said "I don't drink anymore. Give the beer a good home." The friend and the beer were gone.
In that moment, that moment of temptation, I thought: "Well, I could start drinking again. Then what would I be? Without a father AND back to being an alcoholic." I decided the former was hard enough without adding the latter. I stayed sober.
Croissant/Gina, I hope that helps you. You've been a steadfast support to so many here. Whatever it is that hurts you right now, I hope it is soon to leave. All my kindest wishes to you. -- Venecia
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by Croissant
I don't want to drink now, but there's looming pressure and comments like, "go get yourself a bottle of wine"...
Please tell me the reasons why I shouldn't, before the AV starts telling me, "life's too short, you can just have one".
(Yes, I know drinking alcoholically will shorten my life anyway.)
Traumatic events are no reason to drink. Please tell me why - remind me. Please.
Please tell me the reasons why I shouldn't, before the AV starts telling me, "life's too short, you can just have one".
(Yes, I know drinking alcoholically will shorten my life anyway.)
Traumatic events are no reason to drink. Please tell me why - remind me. Please.
That's an easy question:
Because, for an alcoholic, drinking isi a life or death experience. All you have to do to find this out is to take that first drink and say to yourself, "One drink won't matter!"
W.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
The bottom line is you've come so far. You've built yourself back up.
Thats not who you want to be anymore, no matter what your inner addict is telling you.
No reason is good enough to lose the person you're becoming
D
Thats not who you want to be anymore, no matter what your inner addict is telling you.
No reason is good enough to lose the person you're becoming
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Croisant,
OK, heres what helped me. we don't drink. It doesn't matter why or what is going on. I learned I don't want to drink, can't drink without destroying my health and my mind. The Beast wants the drink, not me.
there is absolutely NO GOOD THING to come from drinking. Nothing. Pouring alcohol into my body will only set off the chain reaction which will take me straight to despair, hopelessness and PAIN.
alcohol is NEVER the answer. When there are stressful and tense situations going on, I cannot disable myself. I need to have my site about me to solve the issues and cope in a healthy manner. Other people need me sober. I am only a burden when I'm not sober and cannot attend to what needs to br done.
Also, and finally....for me....drinking is a DEATH matter for me. So, when you say Life and Death.....I choose Life. as complex as it is sometimes.
I hope this helps. alcohol NEVER works
NEVER
Love from Lenina
OK, heres what helped me. we don't drink. It doesn't matter why or what is going on. I learned I don't want to drink, can't drink without destroying my health and my mind. The Beast wants the drink, not me.
there is absolutely NO GOOD THING to come from drinking. Nothing. Pouring alcohol into my body will only set off the chain reaction which will take me straight to despair, hopelessness and PAIN.
alcohol is NEVER the answer. When there are stressful and tense situations going on, I cannot disable myself. I need to have my site about me to solve the issues and cope in a healthy manner. Other people need me sober. I am only a burden when I'm not sober and cannot attend to what needs to br done.
Also, and finally....for me....drinking is a DEATH matter for me. So, when you say Life and Death.....I choose Life. as complex as it is sometimes.
I hope this helps. alcohol NEVER works
NEVER
Love from Lenina
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