khloesdaddy

I recently got out of my third rehab and although it was only ten days I felt on top of the world when I left. Like I could do this for real this time. I ignored the counselors advice and came back to my apartment which I share with my brother who is an active alcoholic . I was on top of the world. Went to my primary care doc and had my monthly visit . I have ADD and got my monthly refill and he gave me pain pills for my bulging disc which I was determined to take right this time . Few days pass and i'm in the same pathetic cycle . Didn't go to a meeting the night I got out and abused both drugs ....and before you know it was taking shots . Feel like such a failure . I remember the day I got out ...It was Thanksgiving Day and my brother and mom had dinner with me at the rehab . I was on that pink cloud and felt I could take on anything. I get home and slowly but surely things start to unravel ...worries about bills , child support , getting back to work and wondering if people will judge me . I have longed for that feeling since I left and I feel like I ruined it . One day at a time ...I am going to a meeting tomorrow and just gonna do what I know to do . I can't save the world...can't save my brother . What the hell happened ??

suki44883

You ignored your counselor's advice. They are there to help you. They went to school a long time to get certified to help people in your situation.

Welcome to SR. You did what many people do who think they can handle addiction alone, but soon find out they can't. You aren't the first and you won't be the last. Stick around here and do a lot of reading and posting. It will help.

khloesdaddy

Thanks Suki!!! I think I get in my own way...I know i'm not unique as we tend to think we are but yes I should have listened. Now i'm in a situation I need to fix and I know what I have to do . I want to thank all of you guys on here because reading online and the first time posting I have gotten so much support . Pray for all of you guys and I mean that . I just want that feeling back and I feel like I keep sabotaging myself over and over .

suki44883

Sometimes, we can be our own worst enemies, Khloesdaddy.

Glad you're here!

FeelingGreat

KD, you put yourself back into a situation that was full of triggers. It's so easy to fall back into old habits.
It may not be as easy as just rehab for you. I suggest you start building yourself an environment where the triggers are not everywhere. Maybe share in a house where there is no alcohol. Start an exercise program. Make small steps to improve your life and leave a toxic environment. Get plenty of support. Volunteer.

Ruby2

Welcome to SR. I'd suggest retracing your steps and start over, this time following the counselors advice and finding someplace else to live instead of with your brother. I've been to rehab twice and it took a while to sink in. You're given the tools but you have to use them. Go to ninety meetings in ninety days. More if you have to. You said you skipped going to a meeting when you got out. Well, you might be setting yourself up.

Being in rehab is just the beginning. Rehab isn't the real world. The harder work is when you get out, putting what you have learned and all those suggestions into practice. When I was in rehab everyone was walking around in a pink cloud. Like it was cheerleading camp. Having experienced that the first time I went to rehab I was wary of it the second time and didn't inflate my hopes too high but went along with the program knowing that I had already relapsed once after rehab. I knew that I wouldn't walk out cured of my alcoholism.

So go back to the suggestions you were given and follow through. And stick around here too for additional support. You can do this.

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR Khloe have yyou considered longer term rehab ?

JanieJ

Welcome to the family, Khloesdaddy

You can do this.

Thepatman

Welcome to SR!

Lean on the support here. I have seen people here in really bad spots, with all odds against them and still succeeded.

What they add in common? The will to put as much effort in their recovery as they did in their addiction + posting here BEFORE they relapse.

You got this, one day at a time, one baby step at a time

GracieLou

Your post reminded me of a section of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people.

There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

You seem to have admitted you have a problem but have you accepted it yet?

khloesdaddy

Thanks to all the advice and kind words. Yes i've admitted it but like the big book quote from above I just don't play the tape all the way through . Hitting a meeting tomorrow before work!!

The living situation is something I will be doing soon. I lived in a sober house for six months and as crowded as it was at times it was the best time of my life . I just have to embrace the one day at a time because my mind goes way to far in the future and I forget about what I'm suppose to be doing right now. I can't worry about somebody else's sobriety and health when I cant even take care of my own right now.