NightNDay

For a very long time I have tried to convince myself that my problem is not that bad because it's "just alcohol." How damaging can alcohol really be? (So says my AV.) It's legal. It's not like it's heroin or crack or something much worse.

But when I look back over the years, here is what I've lost as a result of my decision to continue drinking:

*A highly successful career with a six-figure salary. I am now in massive debt and scrounging hard to make ends meet.

*Nearly every friend who mattered.

*The trust and respect of my family.

*Nearly every professional and work contact.

*My physical health

*My mental/emotional health


All that, "just from alcohol."

I know this seems so stupid, but even being sober I still find it hard to wrap my mind around how many things I flushed down the toilet as a result of being and active alcoholic. All those missed opportunities and broken relationships. It's mind-boggling. I wonder sometimes why my career is in the abysmal state it's in, but if I look back objectively it's easy to see. I no-showed to business meetings, called in "sick," didn't meet deadlines, attempted to work while drunk, made promises (so many promises!) that I did not keep.

Sorry, I just needed to unload a little bit. It's very hard to imagine my life ever getting back to a point where things feel "good."

Dee74

It might be hard to imagine, but it undeniably does. There's evidence all around you here at SR.

Endlessly raking over old dead coals is not a particularly useful thing to do.
My advice is focus on today and what you can do with it.

Keep the faith NightNDay

Dee74

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ScottFromWI

It doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's the power of addiction. It's also completely possible to take advantage of the opportunity to stay sober today. If you can do that every day you will be surprised at how good things can become once again.

Soberwolf

This post made me think of the great remover poem http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-remover.html

I completly agree with D & Scott here

Hevyn

I felt that way once NightNDay. I, too, allowed alcohol to tear my world apart. You can and will get back a feeling of hope and contentment. I did it, even after almost 30 yrs. of drinking - and countless losses similar to yours. We can build ourselves back up and be better than ever. Life can still be wonderful, though maybe not the way we expected.

freshstart57

Make a clean break with your past by making a solemn vow to move forward by staying focussed on the present moment, the only moment when you are living. Let your future actions redeem you from your past.

Set that heavy burden down and make a fresh start. That's what worked for me.

trachemys

Did you get that from the Neil Young song? Needle and the Damage Done? Great song for an addict.

Try "Hurricane" for recovery music.

Aellyce

Yeah all of us tend to dwell on all those things lost, missed, whatever... in the beginning. The healthiest way is to assess the situation, learn from the past, and then move on to deal with the present and possibilities in the future. It only increases our emotional turmoil if we keep thinking excessively about what / who we were before drinking took over. I also think it can be very meaningful and helpful to make moral inventories, amends and such, but I never like the idea of overdoing these / doing them too long, as they can create new obsessions or won't let us move on with the new phase of our lives.

As for "life ever getting back to a point where things feel good" -- read around here, you will see many examples of people with longer term sobriety stating their lives have taken turns they could never imagine before. I think keeping our minds open to the unknown is the best strategy

Wastinglife

NightnDay, I lost all the things you did too. Career in finance cut short by age 30. Bankruptcy. Girl I was going to marry left. Friends distanced themselves. Evicted from my condo. The list goes on.

Alcohol had this spell over me. I really had no self-awareness. If I saw that happening to someone else, I would be wondering what the heck is going on with that person. I just assumed that I would pull out of it. I just got worse and worse.

I am sober 11 months now but been having trouble facing my past. I am seeing a therapist to help me. I am slowly building my life back and I am not where I want to be but I am fighting each day. Plenty of bad days but my worst sober day is still better than my best day drunk

I'm with you on this journey!

Anna

When I look back at my thought processes during the years that I was drinking, I can hardly believe the level of denial. That is the nature of the disease. And, yes, it's distressing, for sure. But, I was so glad to be recovering and to not have to live like that anymore, it has been very easy to feel gratitude.

You will feel better and things will be good. Take small steps and each thing you do will move you forward in your life. Try to not let yourself get overwhelmed with how much you have to do.

soberclover

Try to remember that even when you are in a really deep hole, when you look up you see the light of day. The reality is that every day we remain sober, the closer to the top we get. You could choose to stay in the "Land of Your Past" and dwell upon what you once had and what you lost. I lived in this place for awhile once I got divorced and had to start my life all over again with not a whole lot. I drank a lot and swam around in an ocean of self pity. Or....you can define your new life goals and start working on them. We all need goals so we have something to work towards.