Feeling really sad
 

My commitment to sobriety caused me to do something this morning that is almost unthinkable. Some of you may recall the house guest situation I vented about a couple of days ago, and that kind of came to a head for me this morning. I've been with my partner for 15 years and the relationship has always gone well, but today I needed to put an overnight change of clothes, some toiletries and my laptop in my back pack and let him know that I had to leave to find some solace, peace and quiet and that I wasn't sure if I would be back tonight.

I'll never forget the look of hurt and pain in his eyes as he looked at me; it will be forever seared in my memory. He looked just like a lost, dejected little boy who has no idea what is going on or what to do about it. My heart nearly broke, but I had to will myself to turn and walk to the door while going by the boxes with the Christmas tree which we were going to put up today which is one of his favourite things to do in the world - he lights up like a little kid when he hangs the ornaments.

Now I'm at the office where I was going to be able to avoid working this weekend after weeks of overtime and Saturday work. I'm so broken and hurt so much it's an actual pain in my heart. It's been a wonderful life for 15 years, and I just don't understand how a 3rd party can come in and somehow it turns into something like this. There's nothing wrong with us, but there's a situation where it seems like there's a powerlessness to do anything about.

I'm committed to not drinking, but how do you survive these kinds of feelings without something to numb or take them away?

Just remember that NO emotion lasts forever.
Think of it like mourning the death of a loved one.
It will get better and easier.
Eventually, you will forget that look of hurt and pain.
It's like when people lose there parents and start to have to look at pictures to remember them.

Believe me, it's true

It is not easy but, I have found with the more of these situations we overcome in a sober way we grow in strength. Strength in our sobriety. Finally realizing that no matter what happens in life (and there will be plenty) we do not even consider the drink. For, entertaining the thought of drinking for many has lead ones right back to the bottle. We must flee those thoughts ASAP.

Put up the good fight against the Liquid Devil.

MM

Thanks for posting - right now in this moment I'm hanging onto any hope or help I can get - reading these posts helps.

Lance I don't recall whether or not you discussed this house guest situation or not. Does he know and understand it? Just wondering.

Hope you get your feelings straightened out. Maybe some other diversion might help.

Lance, just thinking good thoughts for you. Is there something restorative, like a walk, that you can do for yourself? Sounds like you've been working a lot, so maybe throwing yourself into work right now might not be the thing that will make you feel better (although it might distract you).

I think you might be right. I'm trying to work but it's not really going very well. I'm at the office alone, and we do have a nice employee lounge with a big screen TV, Wii, pool table, office Wi-Fi, etc. I brought my laptop and am working through a hidden object adventure game, so I should probably put the work on hold and go busy myself with some of that. I don't mind being at the office itself because it's so peaceful and quiet, and that's what I'm really looking for. I'm in a busy city, so there's nowhere else really to go where the rest of the world is shut out. Thanks so much for the suggestion.

Lance

I want you to know you're not alone. I had to leave ( hopefully temporarily) my partner Monday because my sobriety was being jeopardized if I stayed. It hurts! I know it does! But we have to keep first things first. In this case sobriety.

I hope you have been able to have an honest discussion with your partner about this situation and how it's affecting you.

Sitting with you today and offering tons of support.

Thanks brynn. I've never felt the power of support from SR like today. I have had an honest discussion with my partner where this was already discussed as a possibility. We don't have a history of fighting, walking out or either of us threatening to leave, so I think that's why it's probably very scary, uncertain and painful for both of us. Thanks so much for posting - it really does make a big difference knowing you are there and that you understand. You have all my support too.

Prayers and positive energy your way.

Gentle hugs to you....

Does anyone know where I might reach out for some help in the Vancouver, BC area? I am sober, don't have a history of mental illness and am not having any thoughts of hurting myself or anyone else, but I think I'm having a breakdown of sorts.

I'm not feeling that pain that I was earlier, but I'm completely worn out and feel like a broken man. The sobriety work, the house guest situation and my work load at work have all come together so I feel completely disconnected, lost and with nowhere to go. I'm sitting here at the office and really don't know what to do next. I'm dog tired and could get a hotel, but I'm wondering if there are any facilities or shelters that could offer more support than just a place for me to hang out?

I don't understand what's happening. I've always been resourceful and optimistic, but I have no idea what to do in the next few minutes, hours or days. It's taking a big effort to even think.

Keep being soon and you will enjoy sadness for what it is. It is apart of life. It is in the spectrum of emotions. I don't enjoy being sad but I know it is a vital part of life and I can thank God or thank the universe or the moment of being sad because I know I don't know what happiness without the contrast of being Sad. Also being Sad can be the trigger to make lasting change in your life. This too shall pass...work out..eat chocolate...don't kill yourself it will pass.

Have you considered making an appointment with a mental health professional or psychologist? There's also the ER if it's an emergency.

Lance, the best thing for you to do would be to go to an ER at any of the hospitals in Vancouver. They will be able to assess you and to assist you in finding the resources that you need at the moment.

I am sending positive thoughts your way for you to get through this.

I'm sorry Lance.

I understand you're upset right now and you need space, but I think the solution to this lies in communication and discourse.

I hope you guys can get together and talk it out through to some resolution :)

I found some places that may or may not be useful

http://crisiscentre.bc.ca/
http://www.glbtnationalhelpcenter.org/

D

Thank you all again. I have calmed down, have a clear head and am still sober. It's good to know the ER is an option if need be because I live within 2 blocks of one. I had never thought of that. Now that I'm down from a heightened emotional place I realize communication and discourse is where the real term solution lies. I've engaged in some of that but realize that I thought it would take care of the situation and then reacted when it didn't. It's time to regroup, head back and start to talk some more. :)

I've also reached out to a trusted friend of mine who is a psychologist. I haven't heard back yet, but I know she will be there to help me through this as a client or as a friend.

Lance...glad to hear you're feeling better and I really do hope that you are able to speak with your friend soon.
I know you've said that you've talked with your partner about the guest situation, but from where I sit, it doesn't look like he quite gets the seriousness of it! I mean...you left for goodness sake! That's pretty serious!
If you're anything like me, then it must feel like he's choosing the obnoxious house guest over you right now...that's how I'm feeling in my own situation...and it hurts.
Please try and write down your feelings and possible solutions so that when you talk to him again you don't miss anything.
Still sitting with you.

Lance, I don't know the situation with the house guest but it must have been pretty bad to have such a devastating effect on you. But I'm also hearing you say that you have had a solid relationship of 15 years. You sound exhausted to me. You can always call a hot line to talk to a counselor. I think your psychologist friend was a good call to make and I hope she calls you back soon. Maybe you could go to a hotel and get a good night's sleep. The office can't be comfortable. I also hope that you've let your partner know that you are safe and ok. He must be worried sick. Whatever you do, don't drink. You won't be able to resolve this and you will feel horrible. This will pass....Hang in there.

Thanks brynn; it means so much that you checked in. About an hour ago I thought about our Employee Assistance Program at work and gave them a call and they were able to connect me to a telephone counselor for a free counseling session. We talked for perhaps 30 to 45 minutes, and I feel SO much better. You are actually right on the mark about me feeling like he doesn't get the seriousness of it and that he's choosing the house guest over me. It started out about the house guest and then that's what it ended up being a discussion about. We talked a lot about communication and first getting us on the same page as a team and then handling the house guest situation together.