Need help
 

Okay I'm doing great so far but tonight I'm gonna be put to a test. I've been invited to a meeting where I'll hang with former schoolmates. Those guys were really close friends but I haven't seen them in ages (you know, everyone goes on their separate ways). The problem is they are heavy drinkers (not A but they do drink heavy) and I am 100% positive there will be alcohol consumption. I really want to see them and I said I'll be going when I recieved the invitation which was a while back, but I am affraid how will this affect my sobriety.

I am thinking about driving there so I won't be able to drink or say I am on some medications that don't mix well with alcohol but I am worried about a scenario when they all drink and I feel too tempted to turn it down. Any advice?

I think most, if not all, of us have been in that situation. My fear was someone asking why I am not drinking. Most people don't ask, if someone asks why a "not tonight" or "no thanks" worked, much to my surprise.

If they are friends then it won't matter. If it is a problem with any of them then you are not friends, just a drinking partner.

I'm wondering if you may even find out one of your old friends does not drink because he has a long drive back home or is on medications 😊

I agree with Jake. They will most likely not care if you are not drinking.

Specially if you seem happy and genuinely having fun.

I thought about going to a Christmas
Parade in my hometown where the
floats would pass right in front of my
dads bar/pool hall.

The bar belonged to my grandfather
who passed away yrs ago and my dad
took over to keep it open for our small
town. It's a landmark there. :)

Anyway, since I got sober some 24yrs
ago, over the yrs. ive distant myself
from sibilings and parents due to my
healthier choices I decided to make for
myself in recovery.

My family is toxic to me. Sad to say but
true. Anyway, I do like parades but to
try and enjoy this one right in the mist
of my toxic family wouldn't be worth it
to my sobriety, peace of mind, my healthy,
serenity, etc.

I don't care if they are my family, being
in the mist of them drinking and carrying
on would not be fun to me. They all will
be under the influence I suspect and to
talk to someone with alcohol in their system,
affecting their thoughts, words, actions,
decisions would be totally arkward for me.

Here I am with a clear clean mind, no chemical
substances in my mind and body and try to talk
to family members under the influence of poison.

It just aint gonna fly or work with me no
matter if its family or friends. They would
be the square pegs trying to fit in the round
holes of my puzzle. :)

The word FAKE comes to mind, but its
really sickness of the disease of substance
abuse.

It's not uncommon for normal drinkers to have binged when younger and throttle back as the years pass. It may not be as big a drinkfest as you are fearing.

On a practical note - Keep a glass of ginger ale in your hand all night. If you have something to drink, no one offers you one.

Hi.
You don’t mention how long you have been sober for and how solid your sobriety is.

The old timers would say don’t put ourselves in slippery situations because…………………….

In a case like this I would need to be honest with myself and examine my reasons to go. Is it leaning to my want to or need to go.
Many times we BS ourselves because our AV is still sneaking in the background.
If you do go I’d suggest bringing along a sober companion and be ready to leave in a heartbeat as it’s that important.
I need to remember alcohol is patient, powerful, cunning and baffling.

BE WELL

If you think you would slip, I say skip it. It's not worth it. Be careful that your AV doesn't romaticize the "good old days" of hanging out with these old schoolmates. If you drink, you knowhow this will turn out.

Context is everything in these situations. I've always had a reputation as a big drinker, so when I see old friends after some time apart who ask me why I'm not drinking, I usually respond with "I gave it up." Most people will leave it at that or be able to read between the lines and drop the subject. If I continue to be prested about it, I usually have some plan as to how to respond because I usually have an idea who will be pressing the issue. Again, for me, context always dictates in these situations.

Hi, Grind- I went and read your original post from two days ago, and must say I think you are putting yourself at a pretty big risk going to a social, drinking event when you state that you need alcohol to make you comfortable in that type of situation.

If you do go, have a plan. Sounds like it's going to be a drinkfest, to me. Some people have to avoid those situations for a long time, let alone in the first days of sobriety.

JMHO.

Best to you!

If offered a drink, you can always say, "no thanks, I've had enough"

Sounds like you have some concerns about your ability to not drink in this situation. Can you bring someone with you who knows about your sobriety goals? The nice thing about SR is that there is always someone on line so you can always check in no matter where you are for support :)

My concern, Grind, is that you are concerned; if you are feeling fragile, I would pass on this event.

If you do decide to go, have a solid back-up plan/escape plan to implement if you see things are about to go south.

Hmm I am thinking that since I consider those friends I can just go and tell them those that I feel closest all about my decision to stop drinking for good. I think I'll probably get understanding and if not I'll be driving there so I'll just get in my car and leave. But if the second happens there will be a lot of talking behind my back... I might be better off skipping this one as you say... Thanks for taking the time to advice me

I agree, grind. I've turned down several invites this week simply because I'm new to sobriety and I don't want to sabotage myself. My sobriety comes first. Your sobriety comes first.

I am worried about a scenario when they all drink and I feel too tempted to turn it down.

Grind,

go with that. it doesn't matter , ultimately, what they would or would not do or say or think; what matters is that you're not confident. trust that. be safe.
when i first got sober, there were events i could attend and some i couldn't.
for some events where alcohol would be present i could make plans (like driving, sticking to a non-drinking person, having a soda in my hand) and others where i just felt a real nagging doubt...i decided the benefit of the doubt would always go to my sobriety.

it gets easier.