Fishinainteasy

Well coming up on two weeks of some legit recovery and not just abstinence and I feel like I need to share a few things with SR. I have not been able to talk about these things with many people at all. When I was 3 my dad left. Just me and my mom. She did the best she could. Some weekends we lived in her van selling antiques. I always had tremendous anxiety staying with someone else. I never wanted to leave her side. When I was 12 I went to camp. I experienced horrifying intrusive thoughts entering my mind that no child should ever experience. It was if the devil himself was wispering into my ear. Thoughts of hell, death, sex,and chaos. After being diagnosed with anxiety and ocd I was put on ssri medication right away which I feel has negatively affected my brain development. I cannot take these medications today because of a risk of horrendous side effects. When I was 13 I was molested and strangled by my mothers boyfriend. She broke up with him. My grandfather died. I stole a leftover bottle of his Italian liqueur from a box my mom saved and drank most of it. I got alcohol poisoning. This was the first time I got drunk. My cousin gave me a beer when I was 5 but I don't remember. Fast foreward to high school and college. Popular kid with the girlfriend, bag of weed, and a bottle. Everything seemed fine. Then the chest pain and heart palpitations from all my panic attacks. I went to therapy but I never really grew up. I found God in my life when I was around 21 and that is the only reason I'm alive today. 8 years of sobriety followed by 4 years of drinking and here I am again. Knocking on 2 weeks sober. I'M diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety, depression, bi polar, etc. Ive had nightmares every night for the last 10 years. It's hard for me to face reality because well. Reality kind of sucks for me. But I also know that drinking makes it all worse. I wish I was normal. I'm thankful for my problems to a degree because without them I never would've met my higher power who is my best friend. I'm thankful for that every day. I also realize that there are a lot of folks who have it much worse. Thanks for reading. And I'm glad I'm sober tonight.

SarahB60

2 weeks sober is fantastic. Keep moving ahead. We're here for you.

Pondlady

Thank you for sharing your story. 8 years of sobriety is a long stretch and two weeks is a solid new beginning .

brynn

Thanks so much for sharing.
Something I'm learning is our past doesn't define us. Thank god!!
Well done on two weeks!

Fly N Buy

Glad you're here friend and posting. You were dealt some lousy events in your life - the strength you demonstrate by sharing it with others is a testament to the real you and highly inspirational - FOR ME!!!

Thank you for the heartfelt thread
Keep coming back!!!
Kind Regards,
FlyN

newhope01

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

It seems like you have overcome so much and its amazing the sober time you have accomplished in the past and present moment.

Have you thought about getting professional counseling over your childhood? You have undergone a lot of trauma.. some therapy may help.

matilda123

Thank you. I agree with Flynbuy that you are an amazingly strong and resilient person. very inspiring. Sending good energy and thoughts.

Fishinainteasy

Just recently got back into therapy newhope. Also meeting up next week with a doc on some homeopathic alternatives. Thank you guys

Hevyn

Fishin, I'm so glad you feel comfortable sharing your story with us. I'm so sorry for all you've had to deal with. You're right - drinking does nothing but add to our anxiety, though we think it's a way to kill the pain. All it does is keep us from healing and moving forward.

Two weeks is a something to be proud of. We're really glad you're sharing your recovery with us.

JetIonic

Thank you for sharing your story. You have been through so much and have overcome so much. You inspire me to stay sober.