Jsbodhi

To be quite honest, my idea of moderating was a bottle of wine :/ not a glass.
Essentially I meant binge less days during the week. Oh lord......

trachemys

Ole Zing says what I would: 1 becomes 100 real quick. The 30 packs become necessary, the 5 liter box the norm, the "handle" the only size for you.

MelindaFlowers

I can so relate. I desperately wanted to moderate until June when I stopped. It was always "I will drink less tonight." Then it was "I'll drink less tomorrow" always tomorrow.

Are you sick everyday? Daily hangovers? 30 days a month? Have you started daily withdrawals?

I'm preaching to the choir but I always clarify that daily withdrawals may sound dramatic, but we can be withdrawing and go to work everyday. You feel like hell everyday but go to work. I used to think I wasn't really going through withdrawals if I was going to work. Do you get anxious? Heart pounding? Sweaty?

I couldn't even get a day one before I became physically ill everyday. I guess I had to drink enough to where I could no longer physically stand it. The tremors were pretty mild for me, no Leaving Las Vegas or anything but I felt like HELL every single day.

Just a few more questions? Would you diagnose yourself as a first, second, or third stage alcoholic? Third stage is where you continue to drink in spite of any and all health, family, career consequences? It took me years to reach level three. When I was level two I loved drinking too damn much to stop. Are you there yet?

I am trying to think of the questions I wish someone would have asked me when I still had thoughts of moderation. Alcohol stopped working for me PHYSICALLY. Used to be the only time I was happy was when I was drinking. Then drinking stopped making me happy.

I felt like I was part of a placebo experiment in the end like I was no longer drinking alcohol but floor cleaner or something. Literally. I could not drink anymore and feel any pleasure. Only increasing sickness.

Moderation us BS. Why would it work? I drank to get buzzed so moderation would negate the reason I was drinking in the first place.

You will be better off with abstinence. Life is way easier.

Jsbodhi

Ok! Thanks for asking questions! This helps, sometimes it's hard to see how bad things are for ourselves.

Not sick everyday, when I quit this last time I was bingeing about every 2-5 days, usually on day 3 or 4, but increasingly happening on day 2.
No daily withdrawals, but blacking out almost every time now, with less drink, and becoming insane during the blackouts. Also making increasingly bad decisions during blackouts that I wouldn't normally make, sober or even drunk.
I get bad anxiety, depression and hangover, usually gone by afternoon.

What are the symptoms of a usual first, second, third stage alcoholic?
I can stop, but I think I have to stop now, or I won't be able to in even just a few months, I'm afraid I'll progress to a point that it has gone too far.

Jsbodhi

I know I'm an alcoholic, just don't know quite how bad :/
Not that it matters, alcoholic is alcoholic.

MelindaFlowers

I was just firing off what popped unto my head after a long day! I hope I didn't seem like I was trying to diagnose. I know that patterns and stuff are always different. If alcohol is causing problems in our lives then it's got to go.

You sound like you have a really good grasp on it. Sorry for my rapid-fire post!

Jsbodhi

Oh! Your post was fine! I jumped all over it because I love answering questions, I even like tests because of this...weird I know

SoberD

This ^^ exactly - drinking moderately would never satisfy me either - the mission/point was always to drink until I got drunk - that's what it means to be an alcoholic..

trachemys

I think that's what we don't want to admit: I want to get hammered.

Tonks

This line made me stop and reflect a hell of a lot. Thank you for writing that!

OklaBH

Give yourself a break but make no mistake YOU CAN NOT MODERATE-- nor can I. It's ok. Out brains are different. We metabolize it different.

I'm glad you posted instead of trying it! Good job

matilda123

Ok, now really responding on the right thread

I read something a month or two back that made me think. It was in Drinking, A Love Story. The author noted that while you can turn a cucumber into a pickle, you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber. For me, as a binge drinker, I was abusing alcohol to the point that I'm now a pickle and can't go back to being a cucumber. While I wish more than anything I could sit by the fire and drink one class of wine, I can't.

It stinks, but there it is, just like it stinks that one of my friends with celiac can't eat most bread. It is just life. Realizing that took some of the sting away for me, and made it less about my inability to moderate due to some kind of moral failing.

Serenidad

Watch "Rain in my Heart" on YouTube again. If we don't stay sober that will be us and we will die. Stop before it's too late. I'm
Praying for you!

strategery

Jsbodhi-not sure if this will help, but I tried my hand at getting sober for 13 days 2 years ago. Thought I could moderate as well and went right back to what I was doing since I thought "you've been sober 13 days, you don't have a problem. 13 days is more than good enough". 2 years went by just like that and my drinking got worse.