ArtFriend

I've done it many times!

I am losing my resolve at the moment. I have been "quitted" since Thanksgiving but I can feel myself starting to slide toward the drink again. I had a looooooooong conversation last night (3 hrs on the phone) with a woman who I've known since I was a kid. She is on disability now and her life is a mess. I felt compelled to talk to her about her issues and try to help (which she claims that I did). She has no friends, lives alone.

But, the conversation included a lot of reminiscing about our families and all that drama of those years. Brought me down. I did not drink, but it's almost as if the conversation zapped my energy which I need toward sobriety. Does this make sense?

Mountainmanbob

yes, makes a lot of sense
in early sobriety best to avoid (if we can) all drama and stress
sounds like you were present for much drama

if you feel your buttons being pushed try to bail out ASAP

MM

IOAA2

Hi.
It makes sense to me being in AA our primary purpose is to stay sober and help another alcoholic. Not saying this person is. It’s about getting out of ourselves and helping others. We do this by sharing our experiences strength and hope. It’s that simple but we must remember that we cannot get anyone sober or drunk.

BE WELL

SoberLeigh

Stay strong, ArtFriend. Drinking will not change the pain of the past or any regrets we harbor from it. Yes, drinking numbs the pain for a brief time but, as its final act, only serves to add yet another chunk of pain and regret to the painful pile.

Recognize then past for what it WAS but look to the future; create the future; choose a pattern of life that will fulfill and create contentment. We are all a work in progress; let's do it together.

tomsteve

Perfect sense.
Hang around/ talk to negative, dramatic, chaotic people and I get negative, dramatic, chaotic.
Hang around peaceful, serene people and I get peaceful and serene.

A d glad I have choices today.

Aellyce

Yes it does make sense, AF. It's good that you are posting about this, but (as I mentioned before I think), it would also most likely be beneficial for you to NOT engage with her and anyone who brings you down, at least for a good while until your sobriety is more solid. It really seems to me from your posts that you have a kind of habit to deal too much with people who complain to you or otherwise are negative influences. This really won't help your mental stability and sobriety. They are also distraction. I recall you mentioned you were up to therapy recently... is that still something you will explore? I think a good professional could potentially help you break such counterproductive habits or at least teach you ways to try.

Sorry about being blunt, I just wanted to be as direct as possible because I'm worried about you

SoberComposer

Read or PM the members who have quit for years. The benefits of longterm sobriety cannot be seen from months of sobriety. The first part is getting to know the real you the other parts are building the life you have always wanted. Before long we become examples to others (drinkers, moderate drinkers, non-drinkers) as they notice that we have a peace and serenity that everyone yearns for. Drinking is our crux. Everyone has a crux. It's more about learning how to be fulfilled from within though love and respect and carrying our gems of wisdom from failure and defeats. Many do not do this and live in misery, regardless of the crux. We cannot flirt with our crux anymore though, we must respect that or be held-back and stuck in stasis, creating fertile grounds for stagnantcy, misery and hunger. Life is too short and we have to much to do Artfriend

LBrain

Be thankful for who you are and celebrate that. Celebrate by not drinking and improving your life.

439trish

I have never heard it put this way, sober OR DRUNK--thank you, I hope it is true. I have so much guilt about "getting someone else drunk" by drinking around them.

doggonecarl

The choice to drink is always there. Sometimes the choice is made easier by our actions and reactions in the moments leading up to that decision to drink. We can either take actions that support our decision to stay sober, or we can do things and react to things in a way that further a relapse. It's called setting yourself up to fail.

You seem to be doing the later.

Before you drink, think about the after-the-relapse post you'll make tomorrow. How would it read? How will people respond? How will you feel?

I assure you, you'll feel better if you don't drink. Good luck.

anattaboy

Makes too much sense. Lotsa situational memories that are tied to feelings-usually-felt-drunk-if-possible in my life. Triggers for me are usually re-feeling something from a random cue. A movie made me cry like a baby the other day- twasn't all the movie. I don't think you are getting ready to drink. You might have to walk through something you've drank through before (read super-scary). We can walk together.

Soberwolf

Hi Artfriend sorry your resolve is being tested

the real question here is will drinking make any of this better ? No of course not and i know deep down you dont want to drink,by staying sober yes there will be times we are tested but its how we react you dont have to drink poison it wont solve anything

remember you always have us 24/7

big hugs artfriend i hope you start to feel better soon

Fly N Buy

Artfriend - this is solid from three wise men!!!

Peace
FLyN

ScottFromWI

It does make sense, and it happens to almost everyone after they quit - addiction is a powerful thing and it can take hold at any point if we are not vigilant.

I think it's important to logically take a step back and separate the issues. You are being tempted to drink because you are an alcoholic, not because of the specific external stress or situation. There will always be stress in our lives, that is a given. The real crux of the issue is how we choose to deal with it. As addicts, our initial response was usually to drink, but as we all know that actually makes everything worse.

So that's where your recovery plan should kick in....do you have a "go to" activity or action you can take when you are tempted? Coming here to SR in itself is one way and it's good that you came here to talk it through. Other ways are calling sponsors/numbers if you are in AA/NA, talking with a counselor if you have one, going to a meeting, etc. Meditation and exercise is another good one.

ArtFriend

Thank you all very much for the spot-on advice. You guys are wonderful.

I admittedly am drawn to drama. I've know this for some time. Probably stems from a traumatic childhood and trying to fix things (myself and others). I also self-sabotage. So it is a setup for failure. If things go to well, I can throw a wrench into the works in a heartbeat. I can see the cloud in every silver lining.

So quitting alcohol is a positive proactive step that needs constant tending to and diligence. I have to care enough about myself to make it a top priority... and I really struggle with that. I seem to need to have this escape clause in my mind which reads: If the party of the first part deems life too be to hard she reserves the right to revert back to self destructive ways.