Fishinainteasy

I'm not an advocate of divorce unless abuse is involved but wow my wife has been nuts lately. She drank a lot when I drank so I'm not the only guilty party in that regard. She's actually had some alcohol since I've been sober. That's not my main issue. The unnecessary stress and arguments she tries to get me into are unbelievable. All the mess she leaves around the house for me to clean up is frustrating too. We got along better when I was drunk. This is crazy. I'm not going to drink because of her or anyone but someone out there is really against my progress. Anyone else go through this?

Fishinainteasy

And yes I've tried talking to her. Over and over

ScottFromWI

Have you sat down and explained your frustrations calmly with her, along with your motivations for quitting? Remember that it takes 2 people to have an argument, so she can "try to get you into an argument", but it can only happen if you choose to participate too. Taking a break, leaving the room, taking a walk are all options as well.

What's also common is for us to simply start noticing issues in our life that existed while we were drinking once we quit. If you had marital issues before, simply not drinking isn't going to fix them. You'll need to face them and work together.

ScottFromWI

Try talking WITH her instead of TO her. And try just listening instead of talking over and over. You might be surprised what you hear.

biminiblue

Your irritation is going to die down after a while. Early sobriety, everything seems larger than life.

Just be a good example of kindness and understanding, love and tolerance. There is a lot of water under the bridge, ya know?

Have you read the St. Francis prayer? A wise man, indeed.

Soberpotamus

This is good advice.

My husband has claimed many times that I talk "at" him instead of "with" him

And we do begin to notice the real issues once we remove the alcohol. The first year can be so overwhelming at times. I mean, the awareness of reality alone was enough, let alone making changes

Anna

In early recovery, there is often a lot to learn as far as relationships and boundaries and things like that. The advice of talking 'with' your wife is excellent.

Fishinainteasy

Good advise. I do talk to her sometimes. Sometimes I'm calm and try to have a conversation and she blows up anyway. I guess that's where my frustration comes in. the world does not magically change for you once you stop drinking

biminiblue

ain't that the truth

ScottFromWI

You are not alone, i'm guilty of the exact same thing with my wife. In the past i'd just go hide in the garage or basement and drink rather than facing up to whatever issue it was. Once you really start examining the issues and the relationship, you find that usually both parties are at fault in some way. And when you really boil it down the issue is usually a small one to begin with. I don't think anyone every has a perfect relationship where it's all puppies and smily faces all day long ( I know I don't! ) but a little listening goes a long way.

newhope01

I think I may have given this advice on a similar thread you made in the past.

Sometimes when an alcoholic enters recovery and stops drinking, it can cause a strain on exisiting relationships, particularly family members you live with. There is a dynamic in your household and your wife got use to playing a 'role.' You were the alcoholic and she wasn't.

When we get clean something we just expect our families to adjust automatically. Thing is when we were active in our addictions, most of the time we caused a lot of drama and left a huge mess for others to clean up. Your wife may not be ready to just forgive and forget, she may have some unresolved resentment as a result of your past drinking.

Or it coud be sometime entirely different, she may have a problem with alcohol and does not like that you aren't drinking. Whatever the problem is, it may be wise to seek professionally counseling so the two of you can get to the bottom of whatever is really going on.

Congratulations on your sobriety and I hope things get better at home.

herradura

I think it is something in the air in this part of the world. I disagree that it takes two to have an argument. My wife fights with herself through me!! I don't have to say a word and I am in trouble. If I do speak it is usually worse, so often I just shut up and stare.

So I guess I don't have any advice, but I feel you! It always gets better, perhaps some time away from each other will help. It helps us.


Good luck.

Fishinainteasy

Lol. It's in the air. Just shut up and stare. Haha

Newhope. Thank you for the response. Everything is a bit elevated right now for sure because of emotional and physical change in my part. Emotional on my wife's. I'm trying to picture what it would be like to see such a huge change in a person in a matter of 2 weeks. Emotional roller coaster. Anyway, the apostle Paul said "we can work it out" the apostle Paul mcartney. That's in the bible right?

Jsbodhi

Definitely doesn't take 2 to argue, I've argued plenty with my boyfriend when I was drinking and he did nothing wrong, if he left the room" he didn't want to solve our problems", if he stayed I'd misconstrue everything he said.
Poor thing, dealing with a drinking woman isn't a fun time