countrygirl2014

One of the things I am blessed with in this life is an excellent memory of childhood. I can actually see where my brain went sour. I worry so much that my daughter will turn out like me. But with this recent discovery, I think we will be ok. My "grand" sponsor wanted me to find a picture of me as a kid. And apologize to it. This horrified me. I still haven't done it, but I found the start of this thinking. We were not aloud to speak. If something bothered me, my dad would abruptly cut me off and yell that it was "the parents time to talk". Problem was, it was always the parents time to talk. So I learned to hold everything in. I would express myself through art. Then music. Then came alcohol. And as the disease ate up my motivation, it became easier to drink than pick up that guitar. I began drinking at 16. I was bullied, harassed and scared everyday to go to school. Drinking made me acceptable at least on the weekends. Smoking weed made the bullies "go away" too. I had an abusive alcoholic boyfriend that was whisked away to rehab when I was 19. I drank him away too. My first fiancée was killed in a drunk driving accident when I was 23. I found ecstasy, more alcohol, cocaine, ketamine...you name it. My job as an electrician was a 15 year lie. Yeah, I was good at it. But it was for acceptance. I lost that job due to my screwed up thinking. I did stop drugs before my daughter was conceived, 7 years ago. I picked up the drink as soon as I was discharged. Her father was a verbally abusive scumbag (different story, different day) I drank him away. Then I just drank. Allll the way up until I met you fine folks. My daughter is allowed to talk about anything she wants, whenever she wants. I have cut her off before, and now that I have identified that, it will be easier to not let that happen again. The children are not a subspecies of human that my father thought we were. They are just little, and like to draw on themselves. Lol.

Jennifer

trachemys

You are amazing.

TroubledJoe

I'm sorry to hear you went through that as a child.

It's an amazing thing to recognise this and commit to not doing the same to your daughter. You're an inspiration

countrygirl2014

Jeez thank you guys. Seriously, have some warm fuzzy feelings. I just dumped a lot of junk right there and am open to some love right now. And I'm feeling it!

Jennifer

Thepatman

Children are often much wiser then we adults.

My son sometimes tells me things that leave me totally speechless. Maybe your father didn't want to hear some of the truths you had to say.

ishallnotwant

Countrygirl--you are breaking the chain of the negative effects of poor choices that can be passed down generation to generation. If our parents had known better, I think they would have done better. Good for you to change the things you can--you're giving your daughter a legacy of love--another blessing of sobriety.