Long days, hard nights day 15, and trying to keep the faith
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Long days, hard nights day 15, and trying to keep the faith
I am 15 days sober today. I should be feeling better, and getting on, but that is only partially true. My nights are long sweat filled broken sleep and nitemare ridden.
Waiting on inpatient, I have no idea why I can't get in.... Everyday is like want to drink, don't drink, panic attack, want to drink, don't drink panic attack. I have no coping mechanism outside of alcohol. I seem to be plagued with crazy anxiety and of course the other mental issues.
I am withdrawing again from the world, haven't left the house since Saturday, and that was only to visit my daughter for 5 hours or so. Prior to that I was locked in the house for 4 consecutive days. I am medication compliant, and staying that way for the moment.
I knew it was going to be a hard long road and I am staying clean, but this is starting to wear on me. I feel trapped, dealing with all my alcohol related issues, short on the rent ( might be evicted), no friends, little family support, and mental issues left and right. And when I do ask for help, I am put on a waiting list and told to just hang on.... Really doesn't seem fair, but I suppose life isn't fair.
I've read enough on SR to know that I have to hold on, I must hold on keep the faith and things will get better, but I really wish I had some relief today. I will not drink, I am not going to drink, I have desire to drink, but there is no solution there. I keep telling myself that, I believe it to be true.
Very depressed and dejected, recovery for me is not a walk in the park. But I do have 2 solid weeks in pocket, I am proud of that. Maybe today I will make a gratitude list, and force myself out of the house by attending an AA meeting. I am trying really hard not to withdraw completely, once I do that I am on the fast track to not taking my medication, and then eventually drinking. I won't do that, but I worry about that.
So I am just trying to keep the faith and tow the line. Nothing more I can do, I am committed this time to long term success. What more can I say? Tough spot and needed to vent some. Thanks for reading.
Waiting on inpatient, I have no idea why I can't get in.... Everyday is like want to drink, don't drink, panic attack, want to drink, don't drink panic attack. I have no coping mechanism outside of alcohol. I seem to be plagued with crazy anxiety and of course the other mental issues.
I am withdrawing again from the world, haven't left the house since Saturday, and that was only to visit my daughter for 5 hours or so. Prior to that I was locked in the house for 4 consecutive days. I am medication compliant, and staying that way for the moment.
I knew it was going to be a hard long road and I am staying clean, but this is starting to wear on me. I feel trapped, dealing with all my alcohol related issues, short on the rent ( might be evicted), no friends, little family support, and mental issues left and right. And when I do ask for help, I am put on a waiting list and told to just hang on.... Really doesn't seem fair, but I suppose life isn't fair.
I've read enough on SR to know that I have to hold on, I must hold on keep the faith and things will get better, but I really wish I had some relief today. I will not drink, I am not going to drink, I have desire to drink, but there is no solution there. I keep telling myself that, I believe it to be true.
Very depressed and dejected, recovery for me is not a walk in the park. But I do have 2 solid weeks in pocket, I am proud of that. Maybe today I will make a gratitude list, and force myself out of the house by attending an AA meeting. I am trying really hard not to withdraw completely, once I do that I am on the fast track to not taking my medication, and then eventually drinking. I won't do that, but I worry about that.
So I am just trying to keep the faith and tow the line. Nothing more I can do, I am committed this time to long term success. What more can I say? Tough spot and needed to vent some. Thanks for reading.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
15 days is great Jeremy. Perhaps it's time to call the doctors that treated you at the last facility and see if they can be of help in getting you admitted to inpatient. They said that they were willing to help you should the need arise, and the need has arisen. Isolation can be a very dangerous thing - if nothing else you can reach out here on SR at any time.
But bottom line, you know you need inpatient above anything else right now...so please use every possible tool at your disposal to get in.
But bottom line, you know you need inpatient above anything else right now...so please use every possible tool at your disposal to get in.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I have to say, there has been a lot of talk about inpatient - months of talk.
Make it happen, Jeremy.
In the meantime, I agree that going to meetings is a great idea. Maybe two a day. You have to get out of your head, it's the only way.
Make it happen, Jeremy.
In the meantime, I agree that going to meetings is a great idea. Maybe two a day. You have to get out of your head, it's the only way.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
@ tdg
what would you tell me to do if i said i was staying indoors all the time ?
what would you do say you have been a long time sober and heard someone else saying that there locking themselves up at home and not coming out more so as you have been there and done the same thing at one time
i know for me i got out by going to an aa meeting day and night
what excuse do i have for not going ? i know i would look for anything from having no money or no car you name it i had an excuse for not wanting to do anything other than stay locked up on my own as its how i coped with everything
in aa people helped me, they gave me lifts to meetings and came and sat with me to keep me company as they to knew what it was like being locked up on there own
if i was in the meeting you went to i would help you and just sit with you without trying to sell you anything and if you told me to go away i would
your not committed to anything in aa but at the end of the day its got to come from you do you want to carry on sitting locked up at home alone with that head or do you want to try to just get out and try out an aa meeting
share with people in aa how it really is and i am sure the help you will find would blow you away
but if you do nothing my friend then you will not get anything other than sitting on your own with fears spinning around and dread and emptiness
well thats my 2 cents worth as i am only telling you what i had to do myself to stop how i was feeling and how i was living
what would you tell me to do if i said i was staying indoors all the time ?
what would you do say you have been a long time sober and heard someone else saying that there locking themselves up at home and not coming out more so as you have been there and done the same thing at one time
i know for me i got out by going to an aa meeting day and night
what excuse do i have for not going ? i know i would look for anything from having no money or no car you name it i had an excuse for not wanting to do anything other than stay locked up on my own as its how i coped with everything
in aa people helped me, they gave me lifts to meetings and came and sat with me to keep me company as they to knew what it was like being locked up on there own
if i was in the meeting you went to i would help you and just sit with you without trying to sell you anything and if you told me to go away i would
your not committed to anything in aa but at the end of the day its got to come from you do you want to carry on sitting locked up at home alone with that head or do you want to try to just get out and try out an aa meeting
share with people in aa how it really is and i am sure the help you will find would blow you away
but if you do nothing my friend then you will not get anything other than sitting on your own with fears spinning around and dread and emptiness
well thats my 2 cents worth as i am only telling you what i had to do myself to stop how i was feeling and how i was living
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi J well done on 15 days bud that really is fantastic
im with Scott do what he said i think Anna mentioned salvation army ?
stay strong Jeremy inpatient shouldnt be this hard to get should it ? im sorry they are making you wait but yeah keep trying
congrats again on 15 days
im with Scott do what he said i think Anna mentioned salvation army ?
stay strong Jeremy inpatient shouldnt be this hard to get should it ? im sorry they are making you wait but yeah keep trying
congrats again on 15 days
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
The Salvation Army is 5 months long inpatient, I don't have 5 months to give. Their program is ultra committed and I couldn't see or talk to anyone for the first 30 days or even go to a Dr. says so in their materials.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy 
The Salvation Army is 5 months long inpatient, I don't have 5 months to give. Their program is ultra committed and I couldn't see or talk to anyone for the first 30 days or even go to a Dr. says so in their materials.
Have you spoke with them about your concerns?
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy
The Salvation Army is 5 months long inpatient, I don't have 5 months to give. Their program is ultra committed and I couldn't see or talk to anyone for the first 30 days or even go to a Dr. says so in their materials.
To focus on you for 30 days is something you should be jumping at
saying you havnt got 5 months ? J this would be lifechanging
Why wont you commit to this inpatient ? am i missing something brother is salvation army a good option?
this is what you know you need is there nothing you can do J
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy
The Salvation Army is 5 months long inpatient, I don't have 5 months to give. Their program is ultra committed and I couldn't see or talk to anyone for the first 30 days or even go to a Dr. says so in their materials.
Your pattern is predictable - you've even hinted to it in this post - you isolate, quit taking your meds and start drinking again. You've already started into the first phase of that cycle whether you realize it or not. When you first got out you said you were going to do AA meetings- you've stopped doing that as well. You also mentioned that you were going to get into inpatient "pronto" and "on your own" terms - you've self admittedly given up on that too - read the last line of your original post in this thread.
You are teetering on the brink of yet another relapse Jeremy, and you need to get into treatment now. Not sure what else we can say.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
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Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy
Maybe today I will make a gratitude list, and force myself out of the house by attending an AA meeting. I am trying really hard not to withdraw completely, once I do that I am on the fast track to not taking my medication, and then eventually drinking.
We all have an instinct to be around others........When we can do that and that group has a common problem, it has helped me tremendously. Perhaps it can help you as well - the herd instinct, so to speak.
......if we do not do so we will be convicted of emotional sterility.
Get some f2f support well waiting on rehab might be helpful!
Good luck to you!
keep posting!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Hi Jeremy; congratulations on 15 days. I very much like your idea of attending AA meetings.
The commitment asked of its patients by Salvation Army sounds like just what you need, Jeremy. As for 30 days of no contact, it may sound overwhelming at first glance but those days will go by and when they do you will be 30 days further down the path to sobriety. That is huge, really huge. The additional four month commitment will only boost and strengthen your recovery. Maybe take some time to think about the last 150 days of your life and ask yourself if you would want to repeat those days; they have been extraordinarily difficult for you, Jeremy; I don't want to see you repeat them and I am certain that none of your other friends, yes friends, here on SR would want to see you repeat them either. Take a leap of faith, Jeremy; go for it.
Rooting for you, buddy.
The commitment asked of its patients by Salvation Army sounds like just what you need, Jeremy. As for 30 days of no contact, it may sound overwhelming at first glance but those days will go by and when they do you will be 30 days further down the path to sobriety. That is huge, really huge. The additional four month commitment will only boost and strengthen your recovery. Maybe take some time to think about the last 150 days of your life and ask yourself if you would want to repeat those days; they have been extraordinarily difficult for you, Jeremy; I don't want to see you repeat them and I am certain that none of your other friends, yes friends, here on SR would want to see you repeat them either. Take a leap of faith, Jeremy; go for it.
Rooting for you, buddy.
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