day 1 again
 

So mad at myself:c004:

What happened tonib?

Fight! Me too, and I'm almost through it. Embrace yourself for me, and count some blessings, give some thanks and gratitude, drink some water, eat a good meal when you're able, and LET'S GET THROUGH IT!

Back at it tonib. No shame in that at all. Just get back to it and do the job. What can you do differently this time?

this time I want to fully take a hold of my life in the way alcohol and bigger drugs make me feel like i can do!

this time i'll see me being a drunkard is not productive for my way of living!!

Hi Toni the important thing is your bk

You can do this but you got to start getting more pro active in your plan of recovery

if your struggling come on here and say it send a pm talk about it

Dont be angry at yourself learn that whatever has happened has happened and to make your plan stronger than before

write down an acceptance list reasons why you cant drink convert that anger on to page

do it here print it off become accountable for your sobriety

more importantly realise there are ppl here who can talk to you before you think F it

you can lean on us anytime and im glad your here now

What exactly are you doing to work on your Sobriety Toni? Do you have a plan of any kind? Can we help you form one? You've posted about many day 1's but not much about what you are doing to avoid them.

D.post

Im always ok until work. My job/boss is so horrible... i dread going... an when my boss yells at me which is daily i instantly think of a smoke an drink... if im off work a drink is not what i want an i do ok but this lady is driving me nuts... she wasn't in the office today but instead called me to yell. Then she came to the office at the end of the day to yell at me in front of my department... its so bad till where a lady i barely know came up to me an said she doesn't know how i put up with her an she prays for me daily... trust me im not making this up she's really bad...good pay horrible environment

I've had that situation too toni. I finally realized drinking wasn't an escape from it. It just added to my anxiety and misery. Took me awhile to get it though. You're back to talk things over - that's what counts.

Could you calmly talk to your boss and explain how you feel

or look for another job i know the money is good but its not as valuable or worth your sobriety

start to look for new work or air it out with her complain if you hhave to it sounds like abuse at work & when she phones you at home

Toni, why are your boss and this horrible woman yelling at you at work?

I messed up at work because I drank. I drank because I messed up at work. I messed up more at work because I drank. I drank more because I messed up more at work. You can see where this is going. I was fortunate because I didn't have a yeller for a boss but I drank myself along with my messes to a different division where I work. Dealing with anyone who is abusive takes it's toll. But Hevyn is right, drinking just makes the anxiety about the situation that much worse.

Can you transfer to a different part of the company and work for a different boss? If it's a small company I'd say try looking for a different job. I know it's easy for me to say that, not understanding your situation, but I could not imagine having to work in that environment every single day, day in and day out, for the entirety of my working career. I would rather dig ditches or wash dishes than to continue in a soul crushing situation for the rest of my life.

Step back and look at the situation and honestly ask yourself if drinking is contributing to any performance issues. If not, then maybe ask the boss what the deal is. Why is he yelling. There are bully toxic bosses out there. Sometimes there is a good reason turnover at some companies is so high. There is no shame in admitting that a job isn't a good fit for you. Maybe this one just isn't.

Keep posting here. Keep reading here. Don't pick up a drink. Work on a plan for sobriety which isn't a punishment. It's a choice to have a happy life without being a slave to alcohol and limiting yourself in your choices because you are a slave to alcohol.

Recommend you record one of the sprays on your phone, take it up the chain.... Workplace bullying is not
Ok.

Workplace bullying is real and is horrible. If this is the situation, can you report it to HR?

Something Ruby2 said resonated with my experience about the vicious cycle of work and drinking. I didn't have a yelling boss, but I certainly wasn't getting done what I needed to because I was drinking, which made me more stressed, which made me drink more.... etc. While drinking helped me temporarily deal with my work anxiety, it didn't really treat the underlying situation, and indeed made it worse.

Dee said something to me the other day that makes a lot of sense: we really need to be careful about drinking "at" situations and people. Is there a way that you can take a leave from work and/or address this bullying through HR? Strikes me that work for you right now is a situation that triggers, much like a bar or party might be for others.

I'm thinking good thoughts for you, Toni. I know how hard work stress can be: it is one of my primary triggers. Please don't let this awful boss compromise your sobriety--they don't deserve that kind of power!! :grouphug:

Oh, Toni.

I have a boss but he is not like yours. My boss is more like, you do all the work and I'll pay you a tiny salary. He doesn't yell at me but sometimes I'd like to see him blow up real good.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MuXYyc9UNv0

I know these are serious matters but sometimes a little humor is relief in a world of seriousness.

People say, do this and do that. Its not so easy as that.

I understand what you're going through. Sometimes it seems easier to put up. Maybe, though, you can find a different place to work in time. It could help your sobriety.

:explode

I know how you feel. Put the whip away your right where you need to be . I relapsed for a year drove me insane but I learnt that this was part of my story and if know one slipped how could they understand us . I'm on day 3 and I just keep trying no matter what . We only fail if we stop trying be kind to yourself your not alone just keep going lots of love lis x

Thanks guys.... this is a very small company no chain to go up my boss is coo of company... im dreading today but prayed for strength... day 2...

that's tough for she sounds like a real witch
but, in this sober life there will be many testing us
we have to learn that drinking is not a solution for our pain

takes time but, it happens

stay close there to the one that prays for you

MM

This ^^^^^ :grouphug: Feel for you Toni xx