Notimetoloose

What else can I do, 13 months sober and I feel that life on lifes terms is a lot to ask....sometimes...like now...

I need to learn something to handle these knitted brow feelings...I had 15 years straight and I had commitment and a purpose and goals...hard work but hard easy and purposeful.

Now, I feel like I am floundering and my life is dictated by the needs of others non compliant health...my Son, 33yo.. he is noncompliant with his medication and that causes seizures, goes into status epilepticus, a medical emergency...
It occupies my everything, literally everything....focus goes on everything... there is no talking to him about this...Everyone has tried.

Mental health and long term uncontrolled epilepsy go hand in hand.

This frustration is crazy making and I feel like I will explode and then he ends up sick again and instead of being mad at him for not taking his meds I end up being grateful that he has come out of it okay...albeit with possible more brain damage.

I get the codependent thing as he has slowly gotten worse and I have needed to up my vigilance as he has gotten worse, because he could die...My brother died of the same thing, unfortunately it runs in my family...

It is traumatizing to watch....I don't know where to find a release valve from this. I need to learn some acceptance of what it is and let it go or something!!!

I don't know to post this or not, I just really needed to write this down and put it out there.....just so it's not all in the front of my head......I don't know if this is the right place to post it, admin plz feel free to move it....

Marcher13

Of course it's traumatising to watch Notimetoloose, you care but surely there is a support mechanism for you? Have you checked out Epilepsy Action Australia? Current Services | Epilepsy Action Australia

Notimetoloose

Thank you Marcher, we are long term members, they are a wonderful support & I can not recommend them enough...especially with education, resources and updates.

I am kind of freaked out that I posted about my son....I consider my feelings around this so personal.... I am a strong person, independent. Just not strong enough to talk about this....or ask for help on this....I think it is because I am strong I find it hard to ask or get help or talk about it...

I think I need to get some one on one counseling and work it all out...find someway of getting the angst out...

MythOfSisyphus

I'm so sorry you have to face this, Notimetoloose. It's tough to watch the people we love make choices that harm them. I don't have any specific advice, I'm afraid. Just wanted to say we're here to listen.

Dee74

I'm really sorry about the difficulties with your son. I think there are better ways to cope tho, ways that wont destroy you but shore you up and make you stronger.

I'm glad to see you start a thread here for example - you may find others are in similar situations...

The ability to ask for help is one of the fundamental strengths IMO

D

Marcher13

Notime I was concerned about you so I checked this thread, I am glad you are members of the Epilepsy group. Remember you are among friends and supporters here.

Notimetoloose

Thank you so much guys...you are all so awesome....it is surprising how difficult it is to seek support for this...it is a learning curve and a necessary one...another one!!! ...

I sort of feel like a betrayal against my son as he has it so hard...I don't know how to explain it...I had a bad day yesterday...

I kept thinking about a drink but had no intention of having one..maybe I was just looking for a release valve and my brain defaulted back to alcohol...

I have booked into see my Doc, she is lovely, I will see if she can help me with a referral to someone.....