Axiom

I am having a difficult time fulling accepting that I am an alcoholic. I know I am but don't know how to fully embrace the fact.
I had to be medically detoxed and feel that should have solidified it in my mind. However, every so often the fact I have gone 39 days with out too much trouble makes the idea creep into my mind that maybe it was just situational. Thoughts along the lines of well you were a bartender drinking was just part of the job. I logically know this is not true but can't say I fully feel it.
I have been a heavy drinker for a long time and an extremely heavy drinker the past few years. This is my first time really trying to quit and really want to be successful. unfortunately ideas like "you never REALLY tried to moderate, how do you know you can't?" I don't want to try out of fear of failing.
Has anyone else been through anything similar? How did you go about fully accepting that you were an alcoholic and couldn't moderate?
thanks

ubntubnt

thats is your addictive voice talking to you and not your rational voice.
Ask yourself the following question: Is your drinking causing problems in your life?
If the answer is yes then you need to sort it out. And in a recent poll on this site over 90% of folks said that moderation was not possible and doomed to failure and that total abstinence was the only way. I include myself in this.
By your own admission you have been an extremely heavy drinker for the past few years. Only you can decide for yourself but I would say its highly likely that you know that you are abusing alcohol.
Somewhat like you, I spent 20 years trying to convince myself that I was a heavy but controllable drinker and not a gutter alcoholic. I was married with a family and good job after all. Turns out I was a raging alcohol abuser and it was ruining my life. Be smart here....don't be ashamed of the stigma of being an "alcoholic". Instead, if you feel you are abusing alcohol and it is causing problems in your life cut it out.

Tang

Yes been there. I have a job where I'm expected to be a bars with customers. I tried in vain for a long time to just moderate, but even when I did I was a miserable soul. Always negotiating with myself or wondering why everyone else seems so happy and I was so miserable. I'm much happier alcohol free. I wasted so much time with self imposed misery. I always say, if you're here at SR chances are you'll never be happy with alcohol in your life.

autan

I too didnt have to much problem giving up, staying sober was always my problem. You need to understand that your body and mind, like alcohol. The word alcoholic means "Alcohol liking"

It is therefore reasonable to assume, that to do something your body and mind wants to continue doing is going to cause conflict inside you. I found that by saying I was NEVER going to drink alcohol again, made the split between the (me) who wanted to stop drinking and have a life and the (mind), which imagined a life still being able to drink and be normal.

Only then can you look at it objectively and say, one is reality and one is a fantasy. Discard the fantasy and tease it by saying I will never you drink again. You need me to drink, so you can feel good and leave me with all the emotional baggage and real-world problems.

Your body and mind would like to fall asleep while driving, but you don't let it, do you. This proves you are the one in control, it just requires an acceptance to see the difference.

Nonsensical

Most of us have been through something similar. Most of us tried many different methods to moderate. I tried dozens before I was convinced it was pointless.

When the idea of trying to moderate again pops into my head now I contemplate this question: Given that I know my life is better sober, why would I risk that in order to try to be a moderate drinker? What is it about drinking that is SO important to me?

I have yet to come up with a reasonable answer to that question.

Soberwolf

This reminds me of my last days of drinking

Think of it like this.... There is no point walking around in circles break the chain

Doing the same thing over & over & over expecting diffrent results ?

first off i tried moderate because i couldnt do without it

i would intently watch how much i poured how much i mixed (i looked like a mad scientist doing experiments and i was really wasnt i ?)

ppl were noticing this (or at least i thought they did proof this really isnt normal)

the way i was trying to drink now heres the absurd bit i cant sip a drink (not unless its every min) i tried to not to down my drinks but my sips wernt normal and it just looked and felt weird

I am now 6 days away from 17 months sober and my life has got better tenfold i keep working on my recovery and to be honest being sober is an upgrade of self everything gets better hard at first but it gets easier and a lot lot better

You can do this lean on us for support were here 24/7

IOAA2

Hi.

A heavy drinker can usually just stop drinking for long periods with not much after effects like thinking about drinking on almost a constant basis like an alcoholic who upon stopping plays all sorts of BS mind games to go back drinking.

Over a lot of years of observing new comers the big problem is that we have a lot of trouble getting honest with our self about OUR OWN drinking. When and if we can get honest we next need to accept that we cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.


Much good stuff above deserves re reading.

BE WELL

anattaboy

Moderating.... I never heard the word used in relation to alcohol before I joined this site but living in a box is a separate issue. I didn't understand why the subject came up so often on this site and still don't. I would guess there are some early in their timeline that consider this but most of us are just building a case to drink again. Any self-talk promoting having a drunk is BS. I want to re-claim my right to change my head NOW and any reason will do. Of course I can only piece this together through retrospect but the pattern in 1980 was the same as 2014 for this ethanol challenged person. A smaller time frame reference would have told the same story. I cannot and will not ever drink again.

DoPerdition

The challenge for me isn't in the initial days and weeks after I quit. It is when I start to really feel better and start socializing again. I watch my friends enjoy a drink or two and start thinking "I can do that. I just won't go overboard this time. It looks so simple."

The trick is to have a new plan. This time I won't be going out to bars or restaurants with people who are drinking. At least not for a very very long time. I will also post on SR the very second I have a craving. Being 100% honest about your feelings and thoughts is the only way to change them and it will take a lot of time.

CNY46ER

I was recently in the same place. I contemplated all the objections ie, I can moderate, I am sure someday I can drink again. Then I relapsed after 60 days and realize that was all a lie. Its all a very tough mind game yet the only result that is successful is that fact that I can never drink again. I did have feelings of sadness like something was wrong with me. Now I just realize its poison for me and has no place in my life. Good luck

Arbor

This is the AV at its best. It's said the same exact thing to me bunches of times. I can only speak for myself but I've failed miserably every time I tried to "seriously moderate." I think you know deep down that you probably shouldn't drink, but it may take a few stumbles along the way to finally get there. The only way you'll ever know if sobriety works for you is if you practice living it. Good luck!

soberclover

I accepted I was an alcoholic and unable to manage/moderate my drinking as things just kept getting worse when I drank. Nothing positive was happening. My life was not better or improving because of my drinking...it was just getting worse. I had to reframe my thinking from "poor me I cannot drink alcohol again" to "I am a person in recovery and alcohol does not work for me so therefore I need to move on let it go as a part of my life".

JanieJ

I hadn't fully accepted it either until I was at the booze aisle the other day. My AV was trying to talk me into buying a bottle. I was around 50 days sober at the time.

I wouldn't have been bothered by not eating peanuts for 50 days, or looking at them in a shop. But it was agony just to stand there and look at a bottle of wine.

That, my friend, is addiction.

Axiom

Thank you all for the great responses. It seems like I just need to use logic and rational thinking. I honestly just grinned while writing that. Not sure why I thought I needed another way to find acceptance. It's going to take awhile but hey it took me years to get this far. I guess all of that time drinking has me looking for a quick fix.

Fly N Buy

That's a really good, valid question and very natural.
For me it took a lot of trial and error. In the last couple years, mostly error.

We all have to come to the realization for ourselves, of course. Perhaps like me and others over the years I've taken the tests online regarding Are you an alcoholic...... Never did very well on those

I think detox is a pretty good warning sign, along with blackouts, any trouble with the law, family, friends etc caused as a result of alcohol is not considered normal.

The litmus test for some is quit for a year.......see how you feel and how much or little things have changed in your life. Then perhaps revaluate. Please consider the highlighted part of your post may have been grace or just fortune - They Stopped in Time, group of us......

Glad you're here with us today,
Keep coming back!

neferkamichael

AxiomDC, The AV is a sneaky SOB, so please be careful. Merry Christmas, rootin for ya.

Fly N Buy

Posted by a wise man......actually, Three of them!