So ashamed...
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
Get yourself a sponsor, SD. Dig into the steps. Good for you taking some time off.... Make it count. Go ALL IN. You can do this.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
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Originally Posted by desypete
i did everything wrong at first, trying to learn how to stay sober the moment i had a problem that made me feel down i would run off for a drink as its all i knew how to cope with bad things or good things for that matter i had to stop doing that as there is no reason in the world to pick up a drink on, only excuses that i will find to drink on when i gave up drinking people in aa gave me there phone numbers, they did so that if i wanted to pick up a drink i might instead give them a call so my choice was give someone a call or pick up a drink, the crazy thing was if i picked up a drink and then sober up i would say aa doesnt work as i picked up a drink ignoring the fact that i simply didnt do the things that were suggested i do i have to put that effort in every time something doesn't go my way i have a sponsor i can call if something hard comes a long and i can dump my crap on him and it works for me i can i go off to a meetings and dump my crap on the meeting and that to works for me or i can call anyone i have a contact number on and dump my crap on them and that to works but i have to work it or not if i dont then i will weaken myself to pick up that drink and then blame everyone and anything for why i picked up just trying to fool myself again your lucky you can stop again so quickly but then in early years i could stop and start it was normal for me to do that as my problem had not progressed to the next level of drinking my drinking progressed to the next level as i just couldn't stop and stay stopped i kept on picking up a drink today i know because of all the things i had lost and the people i had hurt in the past and all the situations i had been through just what one drink will bring me back to or lead me back to so that is one huge tool i have in my box is past experience but that will not keep me sober if i dont stick to a few basic rules for me in my life and number 1 is to reach out of a bit of help when i need it rather than ignore it and just drink instead. i hope this time you learn just that one simple lesson and pick up that phone or get to a meeting or contact a sponsor if you have one or even come online and post up first before you pick up the drink its no good ignoring advice given and not doing it we have to put in that effort the moment we need to, if i accept my problem then i will be more ready to accept the medicine for the problem if i dont accept it then i will keep on looking and looking for easy ways of not drinking other than giving up drink the good news is that your not on your own as its the hardest thing in the world is to understand the simple concept hence i had to have it kept on drumming into me over and over again dont pick up that first drink : ) good luck to you.
I did not pick up the tools yesterday. I am mad at myself but I can't change the past. I must take action today and have a plan and I do. I'm meeting my sponsor this evening and then we are going to a meeting. Thank you again!
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
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Originally Posted by JT0626
(((Hugs))) Serenidad, the good thing is that you are actively trying a new approach to your sobriety. You are not giving up & that is commendable. Another person suggested in patient treatment since you are not working this month, I think that is a good idea. Or maybe try out-patient while you're out from work. Either way, make sure you take care of you.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Serenidad, sorry for your recent pain. I'm glad you came right back here though, and are taking some time off. Sounds like you have a good plan in place. You can only control you; you have the power to stay sober.
Stay strong, you can do this.
Stay strong, you can do this.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Perhaps you might look back and re-read your own threads...90% of them mention, guilt, shame, triggers, you seem to start them AFTER you drink, binge whatever with true remorse, trying to find an answer. And it is the same pattern.
you also stated that AA did nothing for you, you remained sober by attending AA but you then stated that AA was not the reason you stay sober (you posted this back in August), your statements are confusing. You hate AA, you need AA, a meeting a day is too much, now you are going to 2 meetings a day?
You were attempting to wean off of klonopin, you did not tell your doctor you were drinking on it, you have a sponsor (or IDK if you still do), you have support, you have a job, family, kids and a puppy.
You have a lot in your favor to remain sober and healthy to enjoy your life. But you keep sabotaging your own work.
You may want to explore your underlying reasons to stop repeating your cycles.
you also stated that AA did nothing for you, you remained sober by attending AA but you then stated that AA was not the reason you stay sober (you posted this back in August), your statements are confusing. You hate AA, you need AA, a meeting a day is too much, now you are going to 2 meetings a day?
You were attempting to wean off of klonopin, you did not tell your doctor you were drinking on it, you have a sponsor (or IDK if you still do), you have support, you have a job, family, kids and a puppy.
You have a lot in your favor to remain sober and healthy to enjoy your life. But you keep sabotaging your own work.
You may want to explore your underlying reasons to stop repeating your cycles.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Best of luck Serenidad! I love swapping recovery movies with you, talking about all the things we learned from others. We all learn a lot from you my friend, how you put so much effort to change your habits, and how serious you take your sobriety. You've watched so many movies, read so many books, and that shows how serious and committed you are to your recovery. And now you're taking time off from work. Good for you! There is wisdom in your efforts, and you prove how difficult it is to conquer this addiction. The monster is harder to get away from than we imagined it would be, but it can be done.
If you need to sleep and nap and rest and let your body and mind take the time it needs to find it's way back, then do that. Your brain chemistry is rewiring itself.
We both know from watching "Bette" how not dealing with our addictions ends.
The biggest lie i told myself for many years was that i'd deal with the pain of sobriety tomorrow. Because i always assumed that todays pain was as bad as it could get, so surely tomorrow i would be feeling better, and it would be the perfect day to deal with getting sober. But i found that each day has the same pain, and i couldn't put it off any longer.
Keep up the fight my friend. Please post everyday, i love hearing from you.
If you need to sleep and nap and rest and let your body and mind take the time it needs to find it's way back, then do that. Your brain chemistry is rewiring itself.
We both know from watching "Bette" how not dealing with our addictions ends.
The biggest lie i told myself for many years was that i'd deal with the pain of sobriety tomorrow. Because i always assumed that todays pain was as bad as it could get, so surely tomorrow i would be feeling better, and it would be the perfect day to deal with getting sober. But i found that each day has the same pain, and i couldn't put it off any longer.
Keep up the fight my friend. Please post everyday, i love hearing from you.
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