So ashamed...
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
You know what Serindad?
I've been watching your posts a long time..and I know how you have been struggling to get a firm foothold in sobriety...
But you know what? I might be wrong..but it almost sounds like you found yourself one. Yes, you drank but it's like I feel a gleam in your eyes as you approach the sobriety stallion that just bucked you off.
You're getting right back on.
You want it.
The helplessness vibe of a lot of your previous posts seems to be gone.
You know where you're going. You really want this now.
There's nothing left back there in drunkland. Eyes forward.
I've been watching your posts a long time..and I know how you have been struggling to get a firm foothold in sobriety...
But you know what? I might be wrong..but it almost sounds like you found yourself one. Yes, you drank but it's like I feel a gleam in your eyes as you approach the sobriety stallion that just bucked you off.
You're getting right back on.
You want it.
The helplessness vibe of a lot of your previous posts seems to be gone.
You know where you're going. You really want this now.
There's nothing left back there in drunkland. Eyes forward.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
I was just about to post the same as Nuudawn. I also can feel that you want it now and that you are close. You had a rough week, you took a hit. Now move on.
Maybe take a few moments to consider that exact moment of "F*** it" and what you could have done, at exactly that moment to stop and let the fire calm down. Yes it was a tough week but I am sure you fully buy into that as the reason for your relapse.....its almost as if your AV said "hey, you have had a really rough week, nobody will blame you for drinking, you have a great excuse, take the chance while you still have it". You are really close and you can do this but you need to deeply accept that NEVER drinking again is your new reality, no matter what. Good luck and again, sorry about your bad news this past week.
Maybe take a few moments to consider that exact moment of "F*** it" and what you could have done, at exactly that moment to stop and let the fire calm down. Yes it was a tough week but I am sure you fully buy into that as the reason for your relapse.....its almost as if your AV said "hey, you have had a really rough week, nobody will blame you for drinking, you have a great excuse, take the chance while you still have it". You are really close and you can do this but you need to deeply accept that NEVER drinking again is your new reality, no matter what. Good luck and again, sorry about your bad news this past week.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Serenidad (((()))))
Sorry for your sad news and tough week hun.
What you gonna do next time ?
I think the plan to have someone to phone is a good one.
You have the strength now. You can do this x
Sorry for your sad news and tough week hun.
What you gonna do next time ?
I think the plan to have someone to phone is a good one.
You have the strength now. You can do this x
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i did everything wrong at first, trying to learn how to stay sober
the moment i had a problem that made me feel down i would run off for a drink as its all i knew how to cope with bad things or good things for that matter
i had to stop doing that as there is no reason in the world to pick up a drink on, only excuses that i will find to drink on
when i gave up drinking people in aa gave me there phone numbers, they did so that if i wanted to pick up a drink i might instead give them a call
so my choice was give someone a call or pick up a drink, the crazy thing was if i picked up a drink and then sober up i would say aa doesnt work as i picked up a drink
ignoring the fact that i simply didnt do the things that were suggested i do
i have to put that effort in every time something doesn't go my way
i have a sponsor i can call if something hard comes a long and i can dump my crap on him and it works for me
i can i go off to a meetings and dump my crap on the meeting and that to works for me or i can call anyone i have a contact number on and dump my crap on them and that to works
but i have to work it or not
if i dont then i will weaken myself to pick up that drink and then blame everyone and anything for why i picked up just trying to fool myself again
your lucky you can stop again so quickly but then in early years i could stop and start it was normal for me to do that as my problem had not progressed to the next level of drinking
my drinking progressed to the next level as i just couldn't stop and stay stopped i kept on picking up a drink
today i know because of all the things i had lost and the people i had hurt in the past and all the situations i had been through just what one drink will bring me back to or lead me back to so that is one huge tool i have in my box is past experience
but that will not keep me sober if i dont stick to a few basic rules for me in my life and number 1 is to reach out of a bit of help when i need it rather than ignore it and just drink instead.
i hope this time you learn just that one simple lesson and pick up that phone or get to a meeting or contact a sponsor if you have one or even come online and post up first
before you pick up the drink
its no good ignoring advice given and not doing it
we have to put in that effort the moment we need to,
if i accept my problem then i will be more ready to accept the medicine for the problem
if i dont accept it then i will keep on looking and looking for easy ways of not drinking other than giving up drink
the good news is that your not on your own as its the hardest thing in the world is to understand the simple concept hence i had to have it kept on drumming into me over and over again
dont pick up that first drink : )
good luck to you.
the moment i had a problem that made me feel down i would run off for a drink as its all i knew how to cope with bad things or good things for that matter
i had to stop doing that as there is no reason in the world to pick up a drink on, only excuses that i will find to drink on
when i gave up drinking people in aa gave me there phone numbers, they did so that if i wanted to pick up a drink i might instead give them a call
so my choice was give someone a call or pick up a drink, the crazy thing was if i picked up a drink and then sober up i would say aa doesnt work as i picked up a drink
ignoring the fact that i simply didnt do the things that were suggested i do
i have to put that effort in every time something doesn't go my way
i have a sponsor i can call if something hard comes a long and i can dump my crap on him and it works for me
i can i go off to a meetings and dump my crap on the meeting and that to works for me or i can call anyone i have a contact number on and dump my crap on them and that to works
but i have to work it or not
if i dont then i will weaken myself to pick up that drink and then blame everyone and anything for why i picked up just trying to fool myself again
your lucky you can stop again so quickly but then in early years i could stop and start it was normal for me to do that as my problem had not progressed to the next level of drinking
my drinking progressed to the next level as i just couldn't stop and stay stopped i kept on picking up a drink
today i know because of all the things i had lost and the people i had hurt in the past and all the situations i had been through just what one drink will bring me back to or lead me back to so that is one huge tool i have in my box is past experience
but that will not keep me sober if i dont stick to a few basic rules for me in my life and number 1 is to reach out of a bit of help when i need it rather than ignore it and just drink instead.
i hope this time you learn just that one simple lesson and pick up that phone or get to a meeting or contact a sponsor if you have one or even come online and post up first
before you pick up the drink
its no good ignoring advice given and not doing it
we have to put in that effort the moment we need to,
if i accept my problem then i will be more ready to accept the medicine for the problem
if i dont accept it then i will keep on looking and looking for easy ways of not drinking other than giving up drink
the good news is that your not on your own as its the hardest thing in the world is to understand the simple concept hence i had to have it kept on drumming into me over and over again
dont pick up that first drink : )
good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm sorry for the loss of your friends Serenidad. Going to more meetings is great - but why not build up a support network as well - have people to call? The next time, for whatever reason, you say eff it, your first response can be a phone call, not a trip to the liquor store? D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by haennie
Hi Serenidad, I'm very sorry about all these recent stresses in your life. I also just learned about a family member's serious illness and passing this week, all this told me within two days. It certainly sucks. Good that you are taking some time off to focus on yourself. I don't remember from your earlier posts, but have you ever done any other intensive treatment than AA and posting on SR? Now maybe you would have some time to try... of course it's not the best time over the holidays, but perhaps could be a good gift for yourself if you can afford it? Might help you keep your focused for a while and you might also be out of random influences a little more? ((Hugs))
My problem is I really don't like myself right now. I have so much guilt and shame. The depression and anxiety of early recovery is overwhelming. I know that one day at a time things will get better if I just take action.
With everything going on (funerals etc) I have not been focusing on my sobriety and that was a mistake. I believe that whatever I put before my sobriety I will lose. I also believe that no matter how many treatment centers someone goes to, they won't get sober until they really want to. I really want to but I must follow it up with DAILY action.
When I had 5.5 years (before my relapse last fall) I went to AT LEAST one AA meeting per day for the first 4 months and worked the steps. And by the way, when I stopped going to AA meetings and forgot what I was, I relapsed. :-( That worked then, it can work again. Thx for the support. :-) Means a lot!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by OklaBH
Oh honey I'm sorry. What did you tell your work? Since you have time off, maybe kick it up and try an outpatient program. Read the thread you started ... Reasons you know your alcoholic. I know you can do this! Big hug your way!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by ArtFriend
Serenidad - two funerals is hard to take. And then the argument with your husband, and ... just a lot of stress. Hang in there GF! Hugs!
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
(((Hugs)))
Serenidad, the good thing is that you are actively trying a new approach to your sobriety. You are not giving up & that is commendable. Another person suggested in patient treatment since you are not working this month, I think that is a good idea. Or maybe try out-patient while you're out from work. Either way, make sure you take care of you.
Serenidad, the good thing is that you are actively trying a new approach to your sobriety. You are not giving up & that is commendable. Another person suggested in patient treatment since you are not working this month, I think that is a good idea. Or maybe try out-patient while you're out from work. Either way, make sure you take care of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Thepatman
You had a lot on your plate, so don't beat yourself up. Unfortunately, life has a way of throwing curve balls at us. Learning how to deal with extreme stress is not easy. Rooting for you, be kind to yourself, rock that plan!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by mistory5
serenidad just don't give up trying. The good thing is you posted soon after of course it would of been better b4, but that doesn't always work either. I've done it in the past tell on my AV and picked up anyway. But coming back here and having sr encouraging me to dust my self off and get back on the horse helped me to keep hope and keep trying. Please don't guilt yourself to death over it...that ia a mega trigger. Keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Jsbodhi
Hi! I had a relapse too. The important thing is to learn, dust off and keep going. Xoxo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by JetIonic
It is great that you took a leave of absence from your job to focus on sobriety! Plus you have that time planned out. Nice. I knew that my job was always, always a trigger and forever would be. So guess what? I put in my resignation last month. I will never be that secure financially again, but I don't care, because I would rather be alive and happy than to live this way any more. Anyway, congratulations on setting your path forward.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
Dee's = The next time, for whatever reason, you say eff it, your first response can be a phone call, not a trip to the liquor store? I had an attitude I would never do this. Really, I am going to call someone?? Recently an SR member -- think PurpleKnight - posted about Getting a second opinion. We get second opinions from doctors, mechanics etc. Next time we have a feeling we may drink, why not Get a Second Opinion Beforehand>!?! When phrased this way, It really struck home for me. I CAN do that! How simple.....not calling to say, guess I want you to talk me out of drinking - I am asking for another opinion. IDK, just make so much sense to me this way...... Keep coming back!! FlyN
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
You know what Serindad? I've been watching your posts a long time..and I know how you have been struggling to get a firm foothold in sobriety... But you know what? I might be wrong..but it almost sounds like you found yourself one. Yes, you drank but it's like I feel a gleam in your eyes as you approach the sobriety stallion that just bucked you off. You're getting right back on. You want it. The helplessness vibe of a lot of your previous posts seems to be gone. You know where you're going. You really want this now. There's nothing left back there in drunkland. Eyes forward.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by Serenidad
My problem is I really don't like myself right now. I have so much guilt and shame. The depression and anxiety of early recovery is overwhelming. I know that one day at a time things will get better if I just take action.
The Self-Acceptance Project
It's totally free, you just type in a name and email address and will have access to quite a few good video lectures. Just look at the very first one for example.
Great that you feel good about AA; go for it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by ubntubnt
I was just about to post the same as Nuudawn. I also can feel that you want it now and that you are close. You had a rough week, you took a hit. Now move on. Maybe take a few moments to consider that exact moment of "F*** it" and what you could have done, at exactly that moment to stop and let the fire calm down. Yes it was a tough week but I am sure you fully buy into that as the reason for your relapse.....its almost as if your AV said "hey, you have had a really rough week, nobody will blame you for drinking, you have a great excuse, take the chance while you still have it". You are really close and you can do this but you need to deeply accept that NEVER drinking again is your new reality, no matter what. Good luck and again, sorry about your bad news this past week.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
