saudades

Hi all,

First time poster here so bear with me (and I'm sure this question has been asked plenty of times). I took my last drink 5 days ago after finally owning up to the fact that I am, I suppose, a high-bottom alcoholic (stayed in grad school, maintained relationships, etc, but still not ok). I'd had plenty of "wake-up calls" but the final straw was waking up in my hotel room on the morning of a job interview (not sure how/when I'd gotten to my room after blacking out at the lobby bar) and being sick and off my game all day during the interview. I don't use any other substances except for a prescribed benzo, and I take the amount prescribed (although I dangerously mixed it with alcohol several times). My drinking habits varied, but I'd have something just about every day, most commonly a bottle or more of wine.

Anyway, for the last few days I've felt very jittery and on edge, which I've read is to be expected. But what surprised me is how depressed I've felt--I've had depression for awhile and take an SSRI for it, but I assumed that once all that liquid depressant was out of my system I'd feel somewhat better mood-wise, not worse. I don't know if this is just me having to finally deal with things without alcohol or what. Have others found this to be pretty common? And if so, how have you dealt with it? Thanks.

CNY46ER

Depression for me came on pretty hard for a couple of weeks after quitting. From what I can tell this is common due the repairs in your brain. Stay positive and use SR. Have a great day.

Nuudawn

I do not remember the first couple of weeks being easy whatsoever. Not only do you have a whole new neurochemical thing going on (your brain is essentially feeling injured now that you have ceased to injure it regularly with copious amounts of alcohol). There is so much going on within you as things to start to adjust and heal. You have a zillion neurophysical changes going on...plus the steady stream of well...conscious consciousness. I remember feeling for a day or two...as I surveyed the wreckage of my life...like I wanted to climb right back under the "drunk rock" of denial..

This all passes...fairly quickly. The first couple weeks are the hardest. Go easy on your fine adjusting self...go easy on your expectations of what this "should" be. It's healing..and it takes time and patience.

It's so great that you are posting about all that your feelings bout it though. Everyone benefits one way or another.

ArtFriend

I posted earlier this week about feeling crazy as well as having major mood swings. I am also taking a SNRI which probably exacerbates the problem. Evidently it is a normal stage people go through in early sobriety. The "glow" of the booze is replaced with sober reality.

Serenidad

Welcome! (((Hug)))

Totally normal. As others said, it will get easier with time. Your meds don't work when your drinking either so that makes it hard.

Exercise really helps my spirits, even if it's only a 30 minute brisk walk. Have you tried that?

Hang in there! :-)

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR and to the forum

Early recovery is a rollercoaster of emotions

if your struggling book an apt with doc i also agree with all of the above

anattaboy

I wouldn't know what clinical depression is. I do however know that since getting sober I have felt many emotions good and bad that aren't comfortable and when I wasn't comfortable I drank. Also this is a big chemical change-like eliminating a food group. The body is rebelling but that passes with each sober day. A lot of my "addiction" was to the ability to change how I "felt" at whim with a chemical. I've given up that "right" and have to work, a little at a time, at wholeness. And I have to wait. No results in life are as quick as getting sloshed--maybe shooting dope. I'm not about that anymore.

Ljb

I am right there too. Depression + alcohol = a very difficult cycle to break. We're here with you. Hang in there!

biminiblue

It's going to get better. Much better. Give it some time.

Welcome to the forums! Read around and jump in - there's a lot of wisdom here.

LBrain

I was thinking along the same lines as Annataboy. All things being equal, drinking was a mind altering substance. When I felt like ))(( or depressed, I drank. Did my feelings go away? Yes, they did. All feelings went away. I escaped my feelings.

Learning to deal with feelings sober is a learning experience.

Tang

I remember being on a business trip about 7 days after I quit (one of many quits). I was driving back from a meeting to my hotel and started crying for no reason. Just an overwhelming sense of sadness. I assume it had to do with my divorce from alcohol.

Serenidad

YES it is a hard cycle to break! I totally agree! Hang in there. One minute at a time it will get better! :-)

Lusher

Hey saudades- Welcome!!! Congrats on your decision to stop.

I took note of what you mentioned in your post, where you said "....fact that I am, I suppose, a high-bottom alcoholic (stayed in grad school, maintained relationships, etc, but still not ok)." I think it's great that you're coming to terms with your alcohol issues and you do realize there is a problem.

I'm not sure how well a person maintains their social and/or professional lives lessons or increases the actual problem itself. I mean it's better to avoid being in trouble, but I'm not sure the fact that nothing bad has happened as a result of alcohol, means there's really not a problem. I went for MANY years with no problems, but as alcoholism is progressive, my 'free ride' came to an end 16 months ago. So good for you for taking some action before anything bad occurs.

Anyhow, I look forward to seeing you around, and I wish you well with your continued progress.


Lusher

saudades

Wow, thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm glad to hear that it's normal at first, and I'm trying to remember that this feeling is better than the guilt and shame I'd feel after doing something stupid while drinking. Looking back, I'm lucky I didn't flunk out of school (came borderline close at one point), completely ruin my relationship with my fiance (also came close) or frankly die. Like Lusher said I think it was because nothing TOO terrible happened that it took me so long to admit I had a problem. Anyway, thanks again and I will certainly be around.

Dee74

Hi saudades

In my experience drinking really played havoc with my brain chemistry - it actually took while a while for me to feel 'normal'.

If you're on an SSRI it may not have been working properly (or at all) of you were drinking on it, so I'd give that a little time to properly kick in too (again, thats been my experience).

try not to worry too much - and welcome - glad to have you join us

Hevyn

Glad to meet you Saudades. You found a great place to talk things over. We all understand how you're feeling.

Although I was very grateful to finally be free of it, I was also a little sorry for myself in the early days. It's a huge life change and sometimes we go through a grieving process. For me, I was dealing with the fallout from the stupid mistakes and bad decisions I'd made while in a fog. We promise it all gets easier and better as you go along.

Congrats on your 5 days sober.

Hevyn

posted twice

huntingtontx

Hey, welcome to SR. It sounds normal to me. As bad as alcohol was, I felt like I lost a friend when I quit. I had to figure out how to deal without drinking, and I often felt sad and alone. I am pretty sure that is normal. That passes. Hang in there. It is so much better down the road.

MissOverIt

This. Hugs and welcome!

least

It's normal for our feelings to be extreme after getting sober. It takes a while for your brain to recover from alcohol so give yourself more sober time and good treatment. It will get better.