PolarBlue

Not not sure how much of this I mentioned before.

I just admitted to my mom that I've been an alcoholic for around 15 years. And suffer from debilitaing depression. My house is in shambles. I've let it go too far. When I was off work 10 years ago, I racked up over $40k in credit card debt that I'll never be able to pay.

I was fired from my last job almost 3 months ago for drinking. I'm still wondering what to put on a new application, but this depression is so bad I don't even feel like I can function at a new one right now.

I'm just not sure what to do to fix my life. Even if I stay sober, it's just too far gone. I'm not sure if I'd even qualify for bankruptsy since I made a mistake on a credit card application.

Sorry for the vent. I don't expect anyone to have the answers I need to fix my life. Just feeling completely lost and hopeless. I think this may be rock bottom, or very very close to it.

Can't believe I worried my mother by telling her this, or how she'll react. I just sent her a message and she's in bed now.

Sorry for the long vent.

matilda123

PolarBlue, I have not experienced what you have and can only imagine how challenging and painful it must be. But reading here in the forums these last few months, I've been struck by the amazing stories of transformation: people who have lost jobs, homes, family, themselves due to addiction who have been able to turn things around and to live a new and fulfilling life. I firmly believe that it is never too late and that we all deserve to have the best life we can with the life we have left.

Sending you support and positive thoughts.

PolarBlue

Thanks, I know it's something I need to figure out on my own. No one really knows my life but me. Just getting some thing out.

I'm starting on a few steps. Started working on getting his place cleaned up. I don't know how it got like this. I used to keep it spotless. It's not horder bad, but too many things.

I have a bunch of things to sell on ebay. I mean tons, things I wanted to keep. But I know it all must go. I used to be good at selling but have been in such a depression I find I have to force myself to do it now.

So, those are two steps. And staying sober of course. After that I'll have to try to fix the other things. I still have enough in the bank to live on for a couple more months. I was denied unemployment because of how I was fired.

But it does help to talk about it. I guess I'll at least try to file for bankruptcy and see how that goes. It makes no sense you have to pay so much when they know you don't have the money to begin with, but I'll at least consult an attorney and see what my chances are.

Need to make an outline and stick with it. I don't think my situation is not fixable in my mind, somehow, but the depression makes me feel it is. Maybe STAYING sober this time will help me figure things out.

One step at a time.

Soberwolf

Hi Polar let this be it do what it takes there is no need to drink look at how you are & how you feel

get a recovery plan in place asap hit up some meetings

see a doctor about depression dont suffer in silence

You can do this PB

Dee74

Hi Polar Bear

I really believe there's no situation too bad to come back from...I came back from nearly 30 years of drinking and drug use...it took me at leasgt a year to sort out my finances and a little longer to sort out some long standing self esteem issues, but I did it.

Mine is not an isolated story.

You'll never know what you might be capable of if you never try, PB.

The first step is putting down the bottle
D

anattaboy

Yes, the staying sober part has always been the toughie for me. Some of the emotional roller coaster ride I miss. I can't transition that fast sober. At nearly six months I use this to my benefit. I cried yesterday and I don't cry. Watched Grace is Gone and although sad I'm sure the depth of my feeling was not for the empathy so much as lotsa unfelt stuff just coming out. I don't drink. That is what I contribute. Also the wife and I have been doing this annoying pointing game where out of the blue she points to xmass decorations or something with the finger nearly touching the other's face. I'm hyper-sensitive to anyone being closer than arm's reach and that is how this started (the wife knows) but I must say I have not all-out guffawed as much as I have in the last 2 weeks in a long time. My point is these emotional wins are the result of not drinking for a long enough time to let the change happen.

BernieE

PolarBlue, I'm impressed that in spite of your depression, you've outlined the steps you need to take to get out of the pit and improve your situation. Even baby steps, taken daily, will move you forward. Just don't drink. You can do it.

ishallnotwant

Polar Blue, admire that you are thinking about a plan to overcome your life issues instead of giving up and drinking--that's what responsible people do!

SoberComposer

Hi PolarBear,

I am also very happy that you are so proactive when in the depths, that is not easy to do, this fact scares and keeps me from even thinking about drinking. It may be best to not think about the debt or other things that you will be overwhelming for a few weeks or months, things that seem overwhelming. Just stay focused on not drinking right now. Reach out to AA or other programs and focus soley on sobriety. There will be plenty of time to stratigize your recover later. Of course, you may need to do certain things to get a new job but excessive thinking is not necessary at this moment.

Stay Strong! Dee and many others here have pulled themselves up and are now shining examples for us all. You can do this!!

sprout50

PolarBlue, Telling your mother will probably turn out to be a good thing in the end. And might she might even already know. We alcoholics tend to think we are keeping our drinking secret but most of the time people see it. Being honest with her about it, says you are doing sometthing about the problem.

Tackle your other problems one at a time. When you think about them all together, it can seem overwhelming. You have already started taking care of the house so that is one you will be able to cross off the list. Next, I would see someone about the depression. This one is really important.

As for the financial end, I have been there, done that and come through the other side so if you want to pick my brain on bankruptcy, just private message me.

All of your problems together, may seem bad but you can fix these things and you will be fine. If you look at the stories of all of us on this site, you will see that most of us have been through the crapper and come out on the other side.

tomsteve

Polar blue, go back and reread yor OP. you state ," I'm just not sure what to do to fix my life."

And in your next post you state," I know it's something I need to figure out on my own."


Isn't figuring it out on your own how ya got where ya are? And I'm reading work on the financial thing, which isn't a bad thing, but it seems the depression Is a much larger issue that needs serious attention, attention that may require professional help. There's nothing wrong with getting professional help.

PolarBlue

Thanks for all the encouragement and advice. I'm glad this place is here to learn from since so many of us have been in the same boat. Maybe in a couple years I'll be able to help someone out.

The talk with mom went about as expected. Well the facebook PMs because that's how we communicate for some reason.

She didn't even acknowledge the alcoholism and depression, which my main point. Her husband is an idiot, and she said he told me to just get off my ass and find a job. She may be in denial or just things it's not a problem. She said I'm lazy in so many words. I know I need to soon but need to get these issues worked out.

That's all I got basically. Then she asked me about the house payment and I told her I'm fine with that. lol. Maybe she thought I was tryig to ask her for something but I wasn't.

Anyway, glad you all are here though. Some people will never understand some things.

Soberwolf

Your right some ppl will never understand but know your not alone you have us 24/7 PB

Glad your here bud

Kero

Hang in there. Step 1 is obviously get sober and stay sober. From there, everything else will work out.

Heck, I know people who aren't alcoholics who have been in worse financial trouble. It happens. There's always ways out. I'm no financial expert, but I know there is help out there for that.

Hang in there and keep communicating with others. Like soberwolf says, many non-alcoholics don't "get it". Don't let them get you discouraged. Keep reading and posting here. We can all relate to what you're going through.

soberclover

I think you rock PolarBlue!

sprout50

PolarBlue, don't worry about your mom. You spoke with her and have done your part. That is all you can do. You are not lazy. You are addicted. Work on the addiction and the depression first. The rest will follow.

We understand and we are here for you.

Peter_819

Like everyone's saying Polar Blue the main thing is getting sober. Creditors can't get blood from a stone but if you are sober and treat any underlying mental or physical health issues than you can deal with it. What's the worst they can do? They can't break your legs or anything.

OklaBH

Nope but he isn't a stone. They can force liens , garnish as soon as he is working , intercept a tax refund .... I had to grow up and it was hard realizing things don't just go away. They multiply when we are drinking.

sprout50

Yeah, but you can deal with those things when sober. Putting the whole weight of the world on your shoulders at once, doesn't help. First things first and one at a time.

Anna

I think it's so good that you are taking small steps to help yourself. I think that as addicts, it's often all or nothing and in recovery that doesn't really work. We need to take small steps and do what we can each day.

It sounds like you should back off from contact with your mother for a little while so it doesn't bring you down.