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Emotions so close to the surface

Old 12-06-2014, 07:56 AM
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Red face Emotions so close to the surface

I had an intake session yesterday to receive some counseling. It wasn't with the actual therapist, but rather with the clinical intake person. She was very impersonal and detached, but she was asking very intimate questions. I could feel the anxiety welling up, and I started to fidget. Anxiety gave way to sadness and then tears. I was embarrassed to have fallen apart so easily and in front of a person who really was ill equipped to handle it. I had to excuse myself, go in the bathroom and have a good cry. Went back, finished the interview and then headed for the liquor store. I sat in my car in the parking lot and thought how absurd it all was. Liquor was imploring me. But I resisted. Came home, got in my jammies early and watched bad TV.

This morning I am still a bit shaky...not from anything to do with booze, just the emotional roller-coaster.
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Old 12-06-2014, 08:01 AM
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Even though it might not feel like it, driving away without buying any liquor was a huge step in the right direction. Great job!
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Old 12-06-2014, 08:31 AM
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AF, it's REALLY hard facing the stuff we've been avoiding. It sounds like it brought up a lot of anxiety for you. Have faith that you can get through it, especially with the help of a counsellor.
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Old 12-06-2014, 08:32 AM
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Way to drive away, ArtFriend! That's so awesome. I have so much respect for you for doing that. I completely empathize with the desire to share intimate emotions only in the most comfortable of places. I am very hopeful that you are able to find that type of session soon, or that you are able to achieve your desired level of connection in other settings such as SR.
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Old 12-06-2014, 08:33 AM
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I'm sorry you had a bad experience yesterday Artfriend. It sounds very upsetting! I had an issue at an intake that bothered me so much I never went back. I hope this isn't the case for you, especially if you like your real therapist. Good for you leaving the liquor store without buying anything!!!
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Old 12-06-2014, 08:42 AM
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AF! by driving away without buying liquor is a huge step in your personal progress. You could so easily have succumbed to temptation under the stressful circumstances but something inside of you decided that you simply wouldn't do that to yourself. Serious congratulations on this steps. If you want to cry over anything at all, cry over you own strength and success! Tears of joy not sadness!
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Old 12-06-2014, 09:00 AM
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Wonderful that you resisted the temptation to drink! For me, successes like that in the early phase of sobriety provided tremendous positive reinforcement and lessons how to resist my urges and stay sober.

Don't feel bad about losing your calm in that interview. That will be the whole point of being in therapy, that you can unload those feelings and work through them confidentially, in a safe environment. Hopefully you will be able to work with a therapist you feel comfortable with. When I decided to see a therapist back in the spring, the first one that was assigned to me wasn't a good fit in terms of his personality, thinking, and approaches -- I was certain of this after a couple sessions. I found another one then who is just perfect for me and I love the sessions, it's also quite productive. He can be pretty challenging at times, I think because he knows that I like it and also need it to break through some inhibitions. I know how you felt when you had to run out to be alone for a bit, I also felt that way initially when I had strong reactions to some things, but I became very comfortable with these processes quickly, I think because the therapist is so compatible with me. I hope you will also get someone like that. If not, keep looking, it's really worth working with someone you have a great connection with.

Stay away from that liquor store!
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Old 12-07-2014, 04:12 AM
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Not a failure at all, ArtFriend- that was a victory!
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Old 12-07-2014, 05:31 AM
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you done well AF
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Old 12-07-2014, 06:06 AM
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With each layer peeled away, you will
become stronger. Freer to grow and
bloom into a beautiful person inside
and out.
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Old 12-07-2014, 07:26 AM
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Artfriend, missed your post yesterday somehow. Just want to say that driving away is awesome! Can see you flexing those sober muscles in the rearview mirror!
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Old 12-07-2014, 07:28 AM
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Those situations are so hard. You got through it without drinking! Good job! Be proud of yourself. Every time you resist you get a bit stronger. Sending love and hugs your way.
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Old 12-07-2014, 08:50 AM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
I had an intake session yesterday to receive some counseling. It wasn't with the actual therapist, but rather with the clinical intake person.
I had a rather similar experience AF. I too got really emotional during my intake. With me it was after one of the half dozen "emotional type" questionnaires he had me do. For some reason, a few of these seemingly random questions got to me.

I also know, from my previous counselling, that often if we were discussing something that held some sort of "emotional charge" for me I would start to tear up or cry. Often it would just sort of "pop up" much to my surprise. During these moments she (my previous therapist) would often pause to help me know there was "something there" I had to honour somehow...feel...be aware of.

There is absolutely NO shame in feeling your feelings...being emotional. How very, very interesting hey...that your "feelings" triggered something so uncomfortable...you drove right to the liquor store...to shut that "sh*t" down!

You drove away instead.

Wahoo....you're freaking awesome.
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Old 12-07-2014, 08:59 AM
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Artfriend you inspired me to stay sober again today. That is an awesome victory over alcohol. Congrats and thank you for helping me today.
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Old 12-07-2014, 09:12 AM
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Thank you all very much! When I was sitting there in the liquor store's parking lot, I had a very strange thing happen. WARNING: I may sound crazy when I say this. But I actually "heard" my mom talking to me. She was trying to comfort me (which is something she was very good at doing) and she just posed a question to me. Do you really think alcohol will help you? And then she said, you are stronger than this! You don't need it!

so...with that I went home. Thank you mom for always being there for me!!
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Old 12-07-2014, 09:13 AM
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Originally Posted by CNY46ER View Post
Artfriend you inspired me to stay sober again today. That is an awesome victory over alcohol. Congrats and thank you for helping me today.
Thank you...and it's awesome my experience helps you!! I wish you the best.
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Old 12-07-2014, 09:19 AM
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That was a major success in my, albeit humble, book ArtFriend. Great job on driving away from the devil.

If the intake session hit some nerves, it sounds like the therapy sessions will be on target to address those issues you need to resolve. Resolution is worth the pain; just think how free you will feel!!!!
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Old 12-07-2014, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberLeigh View Post
That was a major success in my, albeit humble, book ArtFriend. Great job on driving away from the devil.

If the intake session hit some nerves, it sounds like the therapy sessions will be on target to address those issues you need to resolve. Resolution is worth the pain; just think how free you will feel!!!!
Thanks Leigh... yes, I have many unresolved issues that go way back. I have managed to sublimate them with all kinds of mood altering things, but now I have to face the music. And you are right, resolving them somehow will alleviate the pain of the past. That would be fantastic to feel free!
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