So tired of starting over all the time
 

I just got a clean bill of health from the doctor and prior to this I swore I would never drink again if I found out I was in good health. That was two weeks ago. I have gotten drunk on at least 7 occasions since then. I'm so tired Of drunk dialing my best friend, so tired of waking up smelling like cigarettes (since the only time I ever smoke is when I drink) I'm just so tired of this roller coaster. I just want to get off I just want to be sober, to raise my babies and live a normal life. Why can't I just stay away from the bottle? Why can't I just have one? Why do I feel the need to drink a six back and several vodka shots on top of that? Can this please be the last time???

You may want to add something to your recovery plan.

Have you read any recovery books, gone to therapy, hit an AA meeting?

We drink because we've learned to use it as a coping tool, and then we become addicted. There are better ways to cope with life.

I can relate.
It's really scary, but you've got to really make up your mind not to drink.
Also, Swearing never to drink again is good, but usually ineffective.
Try swearing not to drink today and tonight.
Then rinse and repeat. One day at a time

Have you tried an AA meeting? Maybe face to face support would help? I completely relate to your pain by the way. :-( Never give up!

I was the same way and I discovered self will was not enough to be able to stop. I could not just set it down and walk away.

Are you in a recovery plan? If so, are you working the recover plan? Just setting it down can feel like someone asked you to stop breathing, you can't do it. I needed help, I could not do it alone.

I had to learn to live without alcohol and you can too.

I can relate as well. I have had many relapses after saying I was going to quit for good. You must keep trying and trying and try again. It took me 12 times to quit smoking, but it finally happened for good. It can be done!

It's not that you can't, it's that you are most likely addicted and your addiction keeps you going back. It's absolutely possible to stay away from the bottle if you choose to - through a plan of recovery.

Most likely because you are an alcholic - which by many definitions means you cannot control your drinking once you start.

See above

Absolutely. And believe it or not, you have 100% say in whether this is the last time or not. Have you tried any formal recovery methods like AA or NA? Or seen a doctor/therapist/alcohol & drug counselor? There are many different ways to go about it, but the common factor is that you absolutely have the ability to make this the last drink. The power is already there within you...you just have to seek ( and accept ) the help that is available. You also have to accept your addiction and come to terms with the fact that you cannot have just one, and that you never will be able to...so the key is having a plan so you DONT pick up the first one.

I agree with Scott

Are there AA groups that meet online? Because with the amount of hours my husband works and no additional child care for my kids, an actual meeting is pretty much not feasible right now

Many people bring their children. You can look for a woman's meeting but an open mixed meeting allows them too. You may find the woman's meeting more welcoming though.

I believe they do have online meetings though but I am not sure if they are actual AA or just 12 step based.

You can do this, MCAL; You absolutely can; as the others have suggested, you may need extra support. Hope you can find an AA meeting or one on-lie that works for you.

If AA doesn't work for you, you could look into those mentioned in the below link:

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

What about all the time you are spending drinking, smoking and drunk dialing your friends...not to mention going out to purchase the alcohol and cigarettes in the first place? I bet that adds up to at least an hour.

I say that tongue in cheek...but in all reality, you need to make time for your recovery if you want it to work. Even if you find an online meeting ( which there are by the way ), you will need to dedicate time to it. There are live meetings ( albeit not AA ) in the chatroom right here on SR.

Spend time here.

There is a lot of wisdom in these forums. Read around, keep busy doing that for a couple hours a day. Help someone else in need. Get out of your own head - that's the key.

If you can't (won't/don't want to) make it to an AA meeting, then structure something for yourself. Make a list of daily chores and do them. Spend quality time with your kids, take them outside. The excuses will fall on deaf ears here, though. We've all had to make choices to do things differently, one day at a time.

There is more than enough on this site to keep you busy. . . ask me how I know this? :lol:

You can decide right now that you are going to stop drinking. You don't have to do this again. We do understand how difficult this is, and we are here to offer support.

Thank you, all of you for your kind words. I'm going to have a cup of coffee and spend time with my babies. I'm sure you'll see more of me on here in the evenings. I'm going to try to log on whenever that craving hits. The evenings are always the hardest for me.

You never need to start over again - if you're prepared to do what it takes to say no to the idea, suggestion or thought of drinking again :)

It's not easy but with the right support, you really can do it :)

Congrats on 6 days :)

Welcome MCAL. :)

This AA forum does online meetings, I think.

The e-AA Group • Index page

Thank you everyone for all your kind words, advise and words of wisdom. I don't believe I will be reaching for a beer tonight, going t reach for a cup of hot chocolTe instead. Hopefully my resolve won't waiver tomorrow when I am feeling less guilty for all I put my family through.

There is a mtn tonight in chat in 20 mins your welcome to join us

There is a mtn tonight in chat in 20 mins your welcome to join us