ssenteews

My husband will be home tomorrow from almost 3 weeks of detoxification and rehab. What is the likelihood of him relapsing? What factors will depend on him remaining sober? And how can I give more support to my husband?...
There are prescribed meetings and agencies for him and I to attend from his doctor and psychiatrist....but when we are at home what is the best approach in dealing with him and in helping him. And if he relapses what should my mindset and heartset be like? Your experiences and down to earth advice will be greatly appreciated.

Dee74

I really wish I could give you guarantees, but I'm afraid those are impossible questions to answer.

You know your husband better than any of us do. I hope that he had his moment of clarity just as I did, and he'll be committed to recovery from here on in.

If he is, you shouldn't have to do any of the 'heavy lifting' at all, ssenteews - it's his recovery

D

ssenteews

Dee74, thank you very much for your frank, upfront reply. Somewhere in the back of my mind I came up with the same answer as you. And yes I do know him better than most. I am going to give as much support as possible to my "honey" when he arrives home tomorrow. I will prepare his favorite dish and have a peaceful setting for him to come home to. Thank you again Dee74.

JanieJ

I 've never been in your situation, but I wish you all the best when your hubby comes home ((()))) Look after yourself.

IOAA2

Hi.
I would suggest reading and posting to Friends and Families forum on this site and attend AlAnon meetings for your survival and sanity if needed.
I say this because many recovering alcoholics are difficult to live with and it takes time to recover. Until then no one can answer your question very accurately but at the above will be experts able to help you through recovery for yourself.

BE WELL

Dee74

That sounds perfect ssenteews

D

Soberwolf

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

hope it all works out good luck ssenteews

doggonecarl

I see a number of posts from struggling alcoholics who cite "lack of support" for the reason they relapse and drink. Yet when pressed, they often can't define what "support" they need or aren't getting. They don't know what support is, but if they had it, they would be sober. That's vague and puts the burden of recovery on the family member.

The truth is, recovery is in the hands of the alcoholic, not the family member. If he drinks, he drinks, and it is on him. If he wants to be sober, he will work towards that himself.

Don't take the burden of your husbands drinking...or not drinking...upon yourself.

foolsgold66

Yep to doggonecarl's comments. Don't prop him up, simply stay out of his way for whatever steps he needs to take to stay sober. It's on him, not you.

ssenteews

My dear husband is at home now from detox rehab. He is resting right now and I can see him really trying hard to apply what he's learned while there at detox. He talks about some of the fine points that really helped him. I know he is still fragile, but I also know he will be fine because he said for me to just be patient with him. I have cooked his favorite comfort foods: Collard greens with smoked neck bones to season them, baked chicken quarters, buttermilk cornbread, candied yams, sweet hot corn on the cob, slices of beefsteak tomatoes and green onions with a large glass of iced tea.
Again, I truly thank and appreciate everyone's support and genuine answers to my question...Your recent answers on my other posts are read and pondered upon. They are good references for me to go to whenever I feel down or anxious about my husband relapsing....I know he can do it because he was sober for almost 18 yrs. I have learned helpful coping skills in the event he has a setback. I also have learned as many of you advised me to: TAKE CARE OF MYSELF .

ssenteews

Thank you foolsgold66, I will take that advice. So far he is doing fair. He says he still has those feelings to take a drink even though he has been sober for almost 3 weeks from being in a Rehab/Detox hospital. But he says he battling it with the AA meetings that have been prescribed for him. He wants me to be there with him and I told him I would. Thank you again for your simple but powerful admonition.

ssenteews

Doggonecarl, I want to thank you and the others for your straight forward talk. It is truly appreciated. It is very uplifting to go back and read yours and others comments because it helps put me back in the right frame of mind toward this thing called alcoholism and recovery. I am thankful for this sight because my time is so limited. And yet I get real life experiences from those who are recovering from alcoholism or who are battling alcoholism, which to me is therapeutic in itself for me. Thank so much for your constructive input.

ssenteews

Thank you soberwolf. I appreciate you saying that.

doggonecarl

Don't lose yourself in your husband's alcoholism. Or his recovery.

He's been given the keys to recovery in rehab. AA will guide and support him. Good luck to him and his recovery journey. And good luck to you.

ssenteews

Thank you JanieJ. I am definitely taking your good advice.

tommyinphilly

When I got back from rehab, it took me time to adjust. I felt lost for a few days. For the first time in years, I was bored. I've never been sober bored. Rehab keeps you really busy. Aside from that. Encourage him to make meetings. Some partners get jealous of the program. He may overdue it for a bit (good thing) but should level out. Good luck to both of you.

ssenteews

IOAA2, thank you very much for the needed reminders to attend specials groups that will help me get my mind and heart together concerning the problems and challenges I will face now and in the coming days ahead concerning the period of recovery or relapse (if he has one) that my husband is going through. And thank you very much for those fine quotes. I will be copying them and sharing and discussing them with my husband. There is much food for thought in those quotes.

BarleyCorn86

You seem like a wonderful caring spouse. He's lucky to have you!

I've been married for 20 years. I can't speak for all men, but all I've ever wanted from my wife was for her to care about me and love me for who I am.

ssenteews

BarleyCorn86, thank you for your kind words, they are much appreciated. I am not a perfect wife by any means sir; but I do recognize that treating my husband with respect and dignity helps give him the confidence back that he is struggling to regain and keep. He is like a newborn fledgling that needs nurturing and patience. It's almost like he's learning to "walk" through life all over again. Please, be patient with your wife.

I don't know which of you have the drinking issue....but love and understanding no matter how difficult it may be to have or give, is key to enduring in a situation like mine. We have good loving friends and family that I can turn to for support, as well as my religious affiliation (Jehovah's Witness), that carries and supports me through trying times and through my husbands relapses. Ultimately, my love and faith in God and Bible truly lifts me up when I'm feeling my lowest and loneliest. I try to take into consideration my husband's background and some of the traumas that he has gone through in his life.

Being imperfect I probably won't do everything the right way concerning my husband's drinking problems, but BarleyCorn86, with Jehovah God's help, support from family and friends, and the wonderful encouragement that I have received from you and others on this forum I am sure we, my husband and I will be okay....because I see the "light at the end of the tunnel", I see it for me and I see it for him, because at this point I have to be his "eyes" of discernment, which means he can't see that far yet.

ssenteews

Thank you Dee74 for the caring reminder.