HeartsAfire

Mini dilemma:
Boss hosting office Xmas party. My dept (me included) decided to go in together on a hostess gift. Boss loves wine (too much if you ask me but we're not debating that point nor do I have any interest in taking her inventory). The suggestion of taking a couple of bottles of wine was agreed on by everyone except me. I stayed silent for many reasons. Mainly because I'm not flying my "Hey everyone, look at me. I used to be a drunk but I'm in recovery now" flag at full mast quite yet at work.

What are your thoughts on this? I would not be purchasing the wine, just contributing $.

My thoughts are that I'm not comfortable endorsing drinking on any level anymore. If others want to drink that's fine, but I'm not buying their rounds. Make sense?

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill - just in the uber-sensitive newly sober stage (I'm closing in on 4 months now)? If I'm not, how do I bow out of going in on the gift gracefully?

Bring on the sage advice, please.

Anna

I think it's a collective gift for a boss, so whatever the group decided would be fine by me. I never personally give wine or alcohol as a gift, but in that situation, it's a group decision.

Btw, I would never discuss my alcoholism at work. In my opinion, that could never be a good thing and it would leave you open to speculation.

endlesspatience

Tricky if everyone is pitching in with some money, isn't it. What about if you say you're making a donation towards the party rather than towards the alcohol? Does that help you square it with your principles?

Are you acutally going to the party by the way? That's another issue to think about.

OklaBH

Ah.. Your hung... Chip in and move on. Group gifts always hack me off. I can't remember one that I didn't have to bite my tounge over

suki44883

Since it's a group gift, just donate your portion and let it go.

ForMeForThem

Personally I would give the contribution for the agreed upon gift or offer another suggestion. I wouldn't worry too much about the gift, but focus more on your plan for yourself at the party. I sounds like there may be alot of drinking going on there and going in with a plan is key to staying sober. Good luck Hearts!

HeartsAfire

I am going. Funny enough, I was sober during December last year & this same party was my first big success staying sober during a seemingly alcohol-fueled time of year. I feel like I have a much stronger foot-hold on things this year but will remain vigilant. I already have an escape plan just in case I'm tempted.

HeartsAfire

Thanks everyone. I had a feeling I may have been making too much out of it so that's why I brought it here. Appreciate the input.

Venecia

I'd just chip in and not sweat the small stuff. Glad to hear that you have a plan for the party, Hearts.

Dee74

Yeah chip in, otherwise it becomes about you, and that's not the issue.

I've bought my dad booze as a present in my recovery - I'm the one with the problem, not him

Boylan

I do appreciate your point of view.

For me, though, in order to keep the peace all around, I'd probably just go ahead and contribute a small amount to the hostess gift and let the rest go.

For me, there are bigger fish to fry, meaning other mental issues to deal with, and this situation you described seems pretty minimal in comparison.

That's just my two cents. Hope you find a resolution that suits you.

SoberLeigh

I would probably go along with contributing to the group gift, too, HeartsAFire.

Have a nice time at the Christmas party.

dwtbd

Hearts totally respect your comfort level as it pertains to well actually anything you want it to just wanted to barge in and comment how nice it is for you to have this particular concern. May as well chip in eh? And I sincerely hope you enjoy the festivities

Nuudawn

I just want to empathize with your feelings on this. I know my brain would yank on it awhile as well. I would twist it about feeling some sort of well...hmmm...like I was doing something wrong by contributing to someone else's boozing...at Christmas of all times. I over think everything though

If it bugs you, could you not say "hey I picked up something small for boss already on my own?"...

I know people who refuse to buy cigarettes for people though (even if it's one of those, "it's on the way and I"ll give you the cash when you get there"....and they don't have a "smoking" problem. They just won't.

Do what YOU feel comfortable with.

MelindaFlowers

I would contribute money and not worry about it. Wine to non-alcoholics is a treat, not a problem.

I say this mainly because you do not want to bring any attention to yourself. I wouldn't either at work.

Soberwolf

I agree with Anna & D

anattaboy

Maybe add a "How to quit drinking" book of your choice taped with ribbons to the bottle. That way no bias--boss can choose or not. Maybe with funny card "we didn't know what to get so we got both"--like chocolate or vanilla. Yeah, we're overthinking this... only 22 days till xmas is over.