NightNDay

I feel horrible. I've been fighting back tears all day, and it's an awful feeling.

My dog, who I love more than anything, is very sick. This has been a long time coming and I fear the news I am going to get. I don't know how to cope with this. It feels almost impossible to think about losing him.

This situation, combined with my financial problems and my job/money problems feels like almost too much to cope with. All I want to do is go to my favorite bar and get hammered. If I believed in any way that would help, I would probably be out the door right now and on my way. But I've been down that road a thousand times and it always leads to that same awful feeling of remorse, guilt, shame, and severe depression and anxiety.

Things are so bad right now. The one saving grace is that I know if I was not sober, things would be even worse.

I'm sorry...just needed to unload. I've been drunk for so long I just don't know how to cope with life when I'm sober.

LBrain

sorry to hear about the pooch and all the trouble you are experiencing
But you are so right, drinking will not make things better. Never did, never will.

Glad you posted. Hang in there.

Fly N Buy

Sorry bout yer buddy, that's tough.

Good for your thought process on realizing that the drink won't cure anything and simply make life worse. THAT'S huge!!!

Keep coming back, keep posting!

Glad you are with us!!
FlyN

Ruby2

I'm sorry your dog is very sick. It's so hard when a pet is ill. Stop fighting the tears and just cry. Crying is a release for all the pent up fears, frustration, sadness, anger.

I think you will find that to a person, most of us didn't know how to cope with life when sober. We hid in the bottle. That is why early sobriety is so painful.

As for the financial problems, drinking won't make those any better either. I am still digging out of the wreckage I created by spending the money on alcohol and not paying my bills. But, deal with one thing at a time. I'm glad you didn't drink over it. Keep coming here to unload - absolutely NO reason to feel sorry for that.

JaylaaKent

I'm happy to see you say drinking will not make anything better - because it won't. It always leads to remorse and rebound anxiety for me as well. If you maybe only have a limited time left with your beloved fur friend - you wouldn't want to waste any of that precious time being wasted. Congrats on being sober. Money, job, illness, family problems none of them get better with a drink - only worse.

Soberwolf

My first dog i kind of grew up with he was a rescue dog and when the time came to say goodbye it was hard i really understand he was in a lot of pain (hind legs)

dont drink like you said it will only make things worse

sorry about your dog

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your dog...he/she needs you right now...it's part of being a 'dog parent'.
Lean on us for support tho - you son;t have to do this alone

D

NightNDay

Thanks everybody. The pain is just so excruciating (emotionally speaking) that I feel like I can't possibly handle it.

Coming here really helps. Going to hit a meeting tonight if I can. Depends on what happens today at the vet. If not tonight, there's one I like that meets early tomorrow.

NightNDay

Everybody is right in the point that being sober for him (my dog) is also very important. I'm not a good fur parent when I'm drinking; never have been. I want to be present for him, for whatever time we have together. And even when that time is over, I do not want to return to drinking to ease the pain, because it NEVER eases the pain.

It just tricks me into feeling like the pain is gone for this very short period of time -- then the pain comes back with a vengeance.

oldsoul1122

I've always had dogs so I've been through this. Instead of drinking how about spending quality time with you dog being close loving on him and make sure he's/she's comfortable. So sorry, I know how painful it is.

Anna

I'm so sorry that your dog is very ill and you may lose him. Our beloved pets means the world to us.

Your job is to be there and give him the love and caring he deserves. He has given so much to you, now you need to be sober and present to make good decisions for him.

Nuudawn

Love for our pets is a powerful thing. I am so very sorry for the pain you have to feel. No shame in crying...none at all. You need to release the pressure and grief.

I know in difficult times the notion of drinking can flash like a neon answer in the mind's eye..
But you are right...it's just a con. It doesn't work. It's only an illusion.
And believe me, the realization that you fell for the con..that it doesn't work is all the more defeating.

Grieve...feel sad...allow it to be...just to be. I know it's hard. Good for you for sharing your feelings here.

Thepatman

Prayers your way. I understand the feeling. Only dog owners know how they are attaching.

In some way almost more then humans in a strange way. They never let us down, always happy to see us, and stay beside us at our worst. My dog got me trough my last detox. Stayed in bed with me.

Stay strong, take care of your dog, like Dee said she needs you.

downtown3

oh man - i am so sorry to hear that. I have had wonderful dogs my whole life and often times thought about losing them but catch myself and just enjoy the time i have with them now. My only wish is that they lived longer. Really hope he makes a turn around I know how hard it can be.