Scared but relieved
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
Scared but relieved
I have started telling people in my life that I am sober again. It feels so much harder to say the words this time. I am an alcoholic. No one looks surprised this time. I have seen relief in some faces. It's hard to see the truth reflected in the faces of people you love but it is also liberating.
I have never asked anyone for help. It's really a fault of mine. Now I am asking people for the most difficult kind of help; the emotional kind. But I really do need the help from people because doing things my way has not worked. I need to learn to let people in. My habit is to hide and brood over my problems. This almost always involved alcohol. The last time I stopped drinking, I didn't work on my brooding and hiding. It has to stop.
This time I won't keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. This time I plan to involve the people I love in my recovery instead of downplaying how serious this battle for my life really is.
There is no turning back. It's very scary. The idea of telling everyone again that I really can't control my drinking means I really can't drink again. Once I am fully honest about the extent of my drinking, there can only be consequences if I go back to drinking.
At the same time, it feels soooo liberating. I never have to drink again. What a relief.
I have never asked anyone for help. It's really a fault of mine. Now I am asking people for the most difficult kind of help; the emotional kind. But I really do need the help from people because doing things my way has not worked. I need to learn to let people in. My habit is to hide and brood over my problems. This almost always involved alcohol. The last time I stopped drinking, I didn't work on my brooding and hiding. It has to stop.
This time I won't keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. This time I plan to involve the people I love in my recovery instead of downplaying how serious this battle for my life really is.
There is no turning back. It's very scary. The idea of telling everyone again that I really can't control my drinking means I really can't drink again. Once I am fully honest about the extent of my drinking, there can only be consequences if I go back to drinking.
At the same time, it feels soooo liberating. I never have to drink again. What a relief.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Congratulations on arriving at this point DP! I know what you ran about relief, things had gotten so bad with me that by the time I finally decided to quit once and for all relief is what I felt the most and it was great. Its great that you will have support on SR and from your family and friends but ultimately it is YOU that will need to make this happen so I wish you good luck!
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
I agree it's very scary to tell others, it raises the level of accountability. You don't want to disappoint others. You can do it knowing the person you would disappoint the most is yourself. You have a good plan started.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
It’s difficult for us to ask for help because of our feeling process and the bad examples we received while growing up, if we ever did.
In my time of need I fortunately attended AA meetingS where people understood. It could be a hug, handshake, a look of caring and on and on because they’ve been there.
It’s nice to go for coffee or whatever after a meeting with a couple others and discover a great helpful conversation was had 2-3 hours later.
BE WELL
It’s difficult for us to ask for help because of our feeling process and the bad examples we received while growing up, if we ever did.
In my time of need I fortunately attended AA meetingS where people understood. It could be a hug, handshake, a look of caring and on and on because they’ve been there.
It’s nice to go for coffee or whatever after a meeting with a couple others and discover a great helpful conversation was had 2-3 hours later.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 101
As a newly sober person, I find myself in similar situations. I don't want to disappoint anyone. And really it is about me and my life. I have to do this to be well. Admitting that I am an alcoholic and making the decision everyday that I can never drink is a relief. I am proud of my decision and no one can take that from me. I don't have to worry about hurting others by my behaviors. I love waking up feeling good. I will be healthy for myself and the ones I love. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 71
My story feels the exact same. Thanks for sharing. Addiction hates having light cast upoun it, it loves to breed in the dank and musty corners of our brains. And the secrets and lies keep it nice and safe feeling. Keep being honest with yourself and others and you got this beat! Congratulations on your decision.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
Thank you everyone for reading and your kind replies. It really helps to know that we are not alone in this fight and that people who have been successful in sobriety once felt the same way that I do now. I know I can do this.
I'm glad I could make your day Soberwolf!
I'm glad I could make your day Soberwolf!
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by josharon 
DoPerdition, you are definitely not alone. Good for you for dragging your addiction out into the light. I'm still working on this issue, so your post is very inspiring to me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
I'm glad I could be helpful josharon and JCMJ. I would say I had a moment of clarity last night of sorts. With each person I reach out to, I feel better because it is a step closer to people knowing the real me. No wonder I am so lonely sometimes when I keep the real DoPerdition hidden behind a "together" and "composed" facade.
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