Rowdy

First time posting. Please go easy on me.

43 y/o guy here going on two days without a drink now. I once went one year without a drink but that was over 6 years ago. No withdrawls and doing well.

I am the one's too many and 10's not enough drinker. I don't have a problem saying no to drinking but can't quite seem to have just one drink. I have drank like this since I was 15. When drunk, I don't seem to do anything too stupid but snore like an animal which keeps my wife up. I try to hide how much I drink which causes friction with my family who do not like me "lying". I am embarrassed with how much I drink and don't want people to know it.

I wake up every morning telling myself I will not drink and then talk myself into having just one by the evening which ends up being 6 or more by the end. I guess I am an alcoholic.......wow, that was hard to say. Please correct me if I'm not but I doubt you will.

I want to be healthy and think I can feel much better off the bottle. My wife is very supportive. She has a glass of wine almost every night, rarely two, and never drinks to excess. She says she will do anything to help me do what I feel is right. I do not want to draw attention to my drinking problems and seem to be fine around alcohol as long as I don't take that first drink.

My question is: Would I be sabotaging myself by not asking my wife to not have a drink around me? I feel like it is more real world to be arround the stuff and learn that I am happier without it rather than creating a sterile environment. Thank you for your comments.

biminiblue

Welcome to the forums.

I don't really think it matters what you label yourself. If you have a problem with drinking, then the solution is to stop drinking. You said it yourself,
You don't have to tell anyone except maybe your wife. It sounds like she is very supportive and doesn't have a drinking problem herself, so I'll bet she would be fine with not drinking around you for a while. I didn't ask anyone not to drink around me, it didn't seem realistic, but I live alone and I did avoid most drinking situations other than food/restaurants for a while. After some time passes, it won't bother you for others to drink around you.

Just don't pick up that first drink and you'll never have a drinking problem again.

LBrain

Not throwing judgement out there, But a glass of wine a night is considered excess drinking according to many professionals. But for me one an hour was normal.

If you think your wife drinking is affecting your ability to stop, then by all means discuss it with her and ask her to take a break for a while. Sometimes a 'sterile' environment is helpful in the beginning.

And yes, if you are as you describe, then you have to say no to ever drinking again.

Welcome to the forum


AND what Bimini says...

least

Welcome to the family. I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good.

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR

No alcohol is allowed in my home

hopeful4

I would never drink around someone with an alcohol problem, why make it harder for anyone I care about?

dwtbd

I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer. Just forming the question seems to me to take it out of the area of self sabotage. I decided to quit drinking and the fact that my wife drinks wine hasn't affected my decision. I think it is a matter of what we are comfortable with, I am not a fan of artificially sterile environments either. I had a long time problem with my drinking, but just being in the company of others who are drinking or alcohol in general doesn't change my attitude toward me and drinking.
Welcome to the forums.

Nonsensical

Sabotaging yourself - possibly. By asking the question you have acknowledged that there is risk. Why take the risk?

You could always compromise and ask your wife to not have any alcohol in the house until Valentine's Day. Remove the risk for 2 months and then reintroduce it after you've started building sober habits.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum, you're in great company, I went round the "good intention" merry-go-round for a long time before finally making a real change.

I always think talking to people is a good start, how can your wife know or maybe change things if she doesn't know your saying goodbye to alcohol, and you never know she may even suggest cutting back drinking in front of you.

Fly N Buy

My wife only drinks occasionally. When I quit, she supported me by not having alcohol around - but I never requested her to do this. For me, I thought it would be hypocritical - the one with the problem, to declare this house is now sober. It's analogous to dieting so no one else can eat cookies!

I suppose I am in the minority here on this and respect others opinions, but that's mine. Focus on your issues and don't worry about her. It's your(our) problem

Whatever she chooses to do is her business, IMHO.

Glad you're here!
You've made a good decision.......Welcome!

Lusher

Hey Rowdy- Welcome!!!

You and I are a bit similar in our consumption habits, however mine grew to be much worse. I mean I was able to not drink, but when I did, I was all in, and then some. And then some more...

Initially when I stopped, I did not care if my girl drank at home. I did not feel any additional temptation that I was aware of, however I grew to feel that it was a bit disrespectful. She drank beer, so hearing the cans pop open began to bother me. Plus, I was more aware of how many beers she had consumed and even her smallest buzz was a bit bothersome to me. Perhaps it was because I could not partake. However, why should my problems have to affect her good times? She decided to stop on here own, so the issue was solved. However in your case it sounds as if your wife is a very responsible drinker, so it's not really the same for us.

Personally, I tend to side with what you had said about the 'real world.' I know there are a lot of people who won't allow alcohol in their homes, etc.. but I really did not think that would be a problem for me. I held onto my booze for a long time, just in case I wanted to fall off of the wagon. After a while I gave them away.

I actually still have a couple around. They are expensive labels, which have never been opened, which I've had for around 30 years. (I'm wondering if they're worth anything)

I suppose if her drinking is making your goals tougher, then perhaps it might be wise to ask her to stop.

Whatever you decide, I think it's great that you're doing something about the problem and I hope to see you around.


Lusher

DoPerdition

This is a wonderful and supportive place. You aren't likely to find many here who would be willing to label anyone else. You must decide that on your own. But this is the perfect place to be while you figure it all out.

Hevyn

Welcome Rowdy - it's great to meet you. You've come to a great place for talking things over - support and friendship.

I think we're all very different when it comes to being around it. My husband drinks occasionally and I'm not tempted - but I think that's because I almost lost my life and know it's poison to me. It took me decades to finally learn that. If you even think it might be a problem, don't subject yourself to being around it. Be kind and patient with yourself in the early days - and see how it goes. You can do this Rowdy.

Thepatman

Welcome to SR!

There is already great input, whatever you decide, we are always here for support.