One year - WE can do it!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
One year - WE can do it!
Thank you everyone for all your well wishes on the other thread. This is more what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. Last year at this time I had heaved a deep sigh at what was to come and got on with it. The business of getting sober. Again. This is a long post, so sorry, bear with me.
My journey to sobriety started in October 2004. So it's been a time in coming. I entered out patient rehab that month. I did one month and then went on with my life only I had met a guy in rehab. I got pregnant. I got married. I stayed sober for the duration of the pregnancy and then started drinking again. I went to AA but it wasn't for me. I wasn't like THOSE people. They were too religious, too weird, too desperate, too brainwashed, too whatever. I had a graduate degree. I had a job. I had a house. I had a car. I had never been arrested. I could control my drinking after taking that break for treatment. Not.
My husband kept slipping in and out of sobriety. I kept drinking because I was measuring myself and my self worth by comparing myself to him. I wasn't as bad as he was. Not. I got bumped down a bunch of rungs of the ladder of success at work. I didn't get fired but I accepted a transfer to an entry level position because I could see the writing on the wall. Too many calls in sick. Too many stupid mistakes. Too many weird excuses to leave work early because I was withdrawing and having awful anxiety attacks. In the entry level position I had marginally more freedom because for part of the day I worked off site. I was going home and drinking at lunch and then returning to work. Passing out early in the evening. Mind you, by this time I had two children. So I wasn't much of a mom.
Then I just hit a wall. My husband had sobered up. We were separated at the time because I had kicked him out for his behavior. He threatened to take the kids if I kept drinking. I called my current supervisor on a Sunday afternoon, after having a few drinks, and told her that I was an alcoholic and I needed to go to treatment. A few minutes later I got a call back and I was given the time. I felt a sense of relief but honestly, didn't know what to expect when I was done with treatment but figured being sober and unemployed was better than being fired for being drunk on the job.
I went to detox the next day, followed by 16 days of inpatient treatment. I absolutely needed it as I was tired of waking up every day feeling like garbage and promising myself that this day would be different. That I wouldn't drink. I promise. I couldn't string even two days together so anyone out there on day two, you are doing a heck of a good job at that.
That was in October 2012. I got out, did 90 AA meetings in 90 days but didn't work the steps. I had phone numbers but didn't use them to call for support. I wasn't a member here. My husband relapsed in August 2013 and I followed shortly afterwards. I hadn't been taking care of myself and got run down. I didn't try moderating. I went full throttle drinking but still managed better than I had done before inpatient. I knew it wouldn't last long. So, I quit. I had two slips after my first quit date of 11/12/13 (which would have been really cool date) but finally December 1 I was done.
So, I made a year. More than I did my first 10.5 months. What did I do differently? I went to my doctor first and told her I was quitting again. She gave me something for withdrawal which I used as prescribed. I started back with AA, this time being honest with myself. I was NOT any better or any different than the guy with 3 DUIs and jail time. I finally admitted that I had absolutely no control over my drinking once I had one drink. I could control picking up that first drink.
I joined here. I don't start threads very often but I read and post. Every time I read a thread it makes me think. It helps me.
I started calling people or texting them if I was struggling. I asked for help. So even though my husband kept drinking when I started this journey, I kept going. He has since sobered up.
Even when I don't want to look on here, or talk to someone, or go to a meeting, I figure that is the time when i absolutely have to do one or more or all of those things because otherwise some little voice is going to tell me to drink. That a drink will make it all better.
It hasn't been easy. There are days when I just wanted to drink. But I know where that would lead. It has gotten easier. I've been told that year 2 will be better and I hold on to that. I still get aches to pick up just one but I can't. You can do it. You can start in December and get through the holidays without drinking. Make a plan. Stick with it. And remember that it is one day at a time.
My journey to sobriety started in October 2004. So it's been a time in coming. I entered out patient rehab that month. I did one month and then went on with my life only I had met a guy in rehab. I got pregnant. I got married. I stayed sober for the duration of the pregnancy and then started drinking again. I went to AA but it wasn't for me. I wasn't like THOSE people. They were too religious, too weird, too desperate, too brainwashed, too whatever. I had a graduate degree. I had a job. I had a house. I had a car. I had never been arrested. I could control my drinking after taking that break for treatment. Not.
My husband kept slipping in and out of sobriety. I kept drinking because I was measuring myself and my self worth by comparing myself to him. I wasn't as bad as he was. Not. I got bumped down a bunch of rungs of the ladder of success at work. I didn't get fired but I accepted a transfer to an entry level position because I could see the writing on the wall. Too many calls in sick. Too many stupid mistakes. Too many weird excuses to leave work early because I was withdrawing and having awful anxiety attacks. In the entry level position I had marginally more freedom because for part of the day I worked off site. I was going home and drinking at lunch and then returning to work. Passing out early in the evening. Mind you, by this time I had two children. So I wasn't much of a mom.
Then I just hit a wall. My husband had sobered up. We were separated at the time because I had kicked him out for his behavior. He threatened to take the kids if I kept drinking. I called my current supervisor on a Sunday afternoon, after having a few drinks, and told her that I was an alcoholic and I needed to go to treatment. A few minutes later I got a call back and I was given the time. I felt a sense of relief but honestly, didn't know what to expect when I was done with treatment but figured being sober and unemployed was better than being fired for being drunk on the job.
I went to detox the next day, followed by 16 days of inpatient treatment. I absolutely needed it as I was tired of waking up every day feeling like garbage and promising myself that this day would be different. That I wouldn't drink. I promise. I couldn't string even two days together so anyone out there on day two, you are doing a heck of a good job at that.
That was in October 2012. I got out, did 90 AA meetings in 90 days but didn't work the steps. I had phone numbers but didn't use them to call for support. I wasn't a member here. My husband relapsed in August 2013 and I followed shortly afterwards. I hadn't been taking care of myself and got run down. I didn't try moderating. I went full throttle drinking but still managed better than I had done before inpatient. I knew it wouldn't last long. So, I quit. I had two slips after my first quit date of 11/12/13 (which would have been really cool date) but finally December 1 I was done.
So, I made a year. More than I did my first 10.5 months. What did I do differently? I went to my doctor first and told her I was quitting again. She gave me something for withdrawal which I used as prescribed. I started back with AA, this time being honest with myself. I was NOT any better or any different than the guy with 3 DUIs and jail time. I finally admitted that I had absolutely no control over my drinking once I had one drink. I could control picking up that first drink.
I joined here. I don't start threads very often but I read and post. Every time I read a thread it makes me think. It helps me.
I started calling people or texting them if I was struggling. I asked for help. So even though my husband kept drinking when I started this journey, I kept going. He has since sobered up.
Even when I don't want to look on here, or talk to someone, or go to a meeting, I figure that is the time when i absolutely have to do one or more or all of those things because otherwise some little voice is going to tell me to drink. That a drink will make it all better.
It hasn't been easy. There are days when I just wanted to drink. But I know where that would lead. It has gotten easier. I've been told that year 2 will be better and I hold on to that. I still get aches to pick up just one but I can't. You can do it. You can start in December and get through the holidays without drinking. Make a plan. Stick with it. And remember that it is one day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Thank you everyone! And as an afterthought/follow up - I did have my job when I got back from treatment. I turned 50 last Monday and was off for the week. When I returned my supervisor had left a birthday card on my chair. For everyone thinking that their past sins and indiscretions will follow them around, that they will be stigmatized by going to treatment, I can say that in many cases we give more thought to it than those around us. The birthday card was sweet and the message inside was very thoughtful but the front pictured a martini glass with olive in it. It didn't register to her at the time that I was an alcoholic. It did to my mother who got the same card for the sentiment inside but had taken off the cover and only given me the sentiment with a baby picture of me glued on it 
So, once you start your sober life, if you suit up, show up, do what you are told even if you think it's stupid, you don't like it, pretty soon things will die down and you won't be viewed as the problem child. At least that is what I experienced.
So, once you start your sober life, if you suit up, show up, do what you are told even if you think it's stupid, you don't like it, pretty soon things will die down and you won't be viewed as the problem child. At least that is what I experienced.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Great story Ruby - very wise words! Congrats on the huge sober-versary, it's been a pleasure having you around for support and all of your wonderful contributions here! It certainly is a time to reflect and sometimes that brings melancholy feelings, but it sounds like your eyes are looking in the right direction. Congrats again!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
Originally Posted by Ruby2 
.... my first quit date of 11/12/13 (which would have been really cool date) but finally December 1 I was done.
Well done you on One Year!
Thank you for sharing your story! You are an inspiration!
And things do get better, eventually. They really do.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
One year is AWESOME, Ruby!
Please post your story in the "All ABout Recovery" section. Stories there stay around longer without getting lost in the flood of Newcomer's threads.
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Please post your story in the "All ABout Recovery" section. Stories there stay around longer without getting lost in the flood of Newcomer's threads.
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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